Anyone else not make a song and dance about Mothers Day

[TheSparkofCreation]

The drama this Hallmark Day (yes, I know its origins) creates on Mumsnet every year bemuses me and I don't know anyone in RL who demands such a fuss.

My mum is long dead but I'll remind DH to send his mum some flowers. DD will be working but will drop by the day before with some flowers. If she didn't I wouldn't mind cos I don't need a gesture to show she thinks I'm an awesome mum.

Anyone else not want a Mother's Day afternoon tea or a spa day? Won't be sulking if they don't get breakfast in bed or their husband wants to see his mum?

OP I would try and stop basing your thoughts on what very few people do on MN! Most people do make a bit of a fuss (send a card). Ultimately do what you want on Sunday, others won’t give a thought to what you do. There no social brownie points for sending/not sending a card.

When my dc were small, I did find Mother's Day to be an extra financial pressure at a time when we couldn't always afford it. Dh and I had to buy gifts for our own mums and then dh would buy things for me from the dc (and as they older they wanted to buy me presents but obviously as the parent, you have to pay for it! Thought that counts ).
So I can see why people come to think it's just a way to make people spend on things they wouldn't ordinarily choose to buy.
I did really love the little handmade cards and pictures my kids did - that's what it's about for me, those little notes and their joy when they learn that giving is as nice as receiving.
But it's not a huge deal for me / I'd like them to remember but not feel they need to spend lots of money. It's more important to feel they love you all the rest of the year.

Me. I've never bought my mum a gift or a card. She moans about it but I just tell her to grow up and stop griping.
My kids buy me a gift and a card. I tell them every year not to as I'd rather they spent their hard earned money on themselves.

Me, my mums a vile arsehole so not worth celebrating anyway but I am totally not fussed really. My darling DD is coming home from uni for the weekend which is lovely, so just to see her face and have a cuddle is enough. I don’t really get why people get so het up about it on here 🤷‍♀️ she tells me she loves me and appreciates me all the time so don’t need a “day” for her to do this.

Definitely a Hallmark holiday! I've told kids & partner not to do anything, not to feed the capitalist beast.

I see no one doing a song and a dance or making a fuss

I see people saying their families might mark it with something small.
I really don't care how other people choose to celebrate certain days and I don't think you should either op.
You just do your thing.

I don’t expect or demand gifts or spa days or anything but I do usually make it clear I won’t be doing any ‘mum’ jobs on the day- so I won’t be cooking or cleaning or doing laundry.

I like it if the kids get or make me a card and write something heartfelt in it.

Don't make the mistake of believing that all MIL are evil, all DH are bastards and Mother's day is a commercial nightmare... because of a few posts on here.

Most of us are just quietly enjoying the day as we please, as should you. You don't have to buy into the hallmark marketing campaign.

Yes, me, OP. My Dm is long gone now, ditto MiL. I know dds (one with 3 young dcs of her own) will want to make an effort but I honestly don’t want them spending more than a token on a card. I’d run a mile from spa days anyway, and certainly don’t need to be treated to an overpriced meal out.

You think it’s all an over egged drama yet you have to remind your husband to send something to his own mother? What would happen if you didn’t remind him?

I send a card to my stepmum as acknowledgement of the large part she paid in keeping my life stable through some very difficult times. She always knows I have chosen it with thought as it doesn't say "to my mum" etc, but wishes her well on the day. My mum died a while ago.

The kids get reminded by their dad and will phone on the day or be home from uni and give me a hug and "half an hour of peace and quiet" my present every year since they were about 4 after joking about it one year!

Growing up it was definitely a token gesture we did for my mum. Hand made cards, bunch of daffodils and as we got older made her a cup of tea.

When I was married I had both mums over for Sunday dinner. We regularly hosted Sunday dinner, so it wasn't out of the ordinary, but the mums liked it.

My mum died many years ago, I've kept Mother's Day low key. I've been very clear there is no expectation of gifts, flowers etc. They are both students now, so I've told them both to save their money and we will do something together when they are both home.

On Sunday we are having my partners mum for lunch. She definitely likes a fuss and I really don't mind having her over. I wouldn't like the thought of her sat home alone feeling upset no one had bothered.

I don’t expect anything, because I’ve always struggled with it regarding my own mum who would be needy and manipulative about it when we were young. I tried to keep her happy for years but it always felt horrible especially as she has not been a supportive mum to me and my main experience of her is being criticised and insulted about my appearance. So eventually I had it out with her and although we do still have a relationship, I stopped doing Mother’s Day.

I never want my DC to have the pressure and expectation I’ve had so I just ignore it. I’ve had cards made at school etc but it’s also fine if nothing happens. Tbh I’ve been a mum for nearly 20 years now but when I think about Mother’s Day my brain defaults to my mum, not me and it just feels stressful.

My mum likes a card and but isn't bothered otherwise- although she doesn't say no if I buy her a very little something sometimes too! We are seeing her on Sunday- parents are coming for lunch, but it's more that we owe them a nice meal and it'll be nice/ another reason to do it on that day iyswim. She's more of a mum to DH than his is so he does make a point of sending her a card because he's grateful. Muj has a March birthday so we ensure she's not forgotten on mothers day but focus on that more.

His mum doesn't seem to care. He'll send a card because he tries but it's very dutiful rather than a pleasure.

No drama here either.

I am a DD, a mum and GM. We mark the day and will go out on Saturday and I will see both DDs and DGDs. My mum lives a long way away so I will FaceTime her and she will see my siblings who are local to her. My MIL is dead. DD2 will see her MIL too with my SIL.

We all agree restaurants are too busy on Mother's Day so either go out the day before or someone who is not a mum DH or DD1 cooks.

It is a church festival, ie Mothering Sunday. Otherwise, surely just a bunch of daffs, cup of coffee in bed and/or a homemade card from nursery school - that's how it was when we were kids. The fuss some women make about having visits/meals out/lavish presents is truly astonishing.
And I really hate to see women berating their husbands for some imagined failure - cue the regular but accurate "you're not his mother" posts.
But I suppose the commercial aspect has taken over - sadly. And I heartily dislike days where we're all told how we're supposed to feel and behave.

I like a little fuss honestly, homemade cards are my favourite and it’s nice to go do something as a family. This year I’m taking DD to a classmates party though which probably wouldn’t be my first choice lol

No fuss here and not bothered. I'm a granny and a mum. Two of my grandchildren have made me something at school which is very sweet of them.

I've asked my grown up children not to get me anything.

However, I do get that to some people it is a big deal and if their family know this then they should make the effort.

I would hate to go out for a meal for it. I send my mum a card as she would also hate anything more than that though if we lived closer she would probably appreciate a walk with me and the kids (though no more than any other day). I like the kids to make me a picture but don't expect anything like flowers or a present

I always make an effort for my mum - no big presents or anything, just some flowers and a visit, maybe take her to lunch if she fancies it. I live about 150 miles away and so go and visit her. I'm taking my 3 year old with me and staying til Monday - my husband is staying home and said "oh, I was going to do something nice for you for Mother's Day" and I realised I'd actually forgot about me 😆 - so I guess in that respect I'm not bothered about it. I think a card is nice, but I don't expect a fuss.

I think most of the threads on here that are about thoughtlessness in Mother’s Day aren’t about Mother’s Day , it just throws into focus other flaws in relationships and feeds into some women’s martyrish tendencies- which I would suggest a lot of are as a result of how women are socialised to not ask/demand what they want not because it’s deliberate on their part.

im not sure why the act of doing what’s biologically programmed into us deserves a celebration. Good mums deserve celebration as to women who are like good mums to some people but just celebrating mothers (and dads on Father’s Day) for basically having sex seems somewhat odd to me.

i try every day to be a better mum than mine was to me, that does not deserve celebration imo.

It's just another day to me. My children are young so we normally go out and do something as a family on weekends anyway. I don't like lots of stuff so I don't want cards or other gifts that will just end up in a drawer somewhere.

I guess maybe because I feel appreciated year round mother's day is no big deal, it might be different for others who feel they don't always get the recognition for their hard work.

My mum died in very traumatic circumstances and never got to see me become a mum so I really appreciate the fact that my DH (and now DS as he gets older) like to make a little bit of a fuss of me because I do get sad.

My DH is away this weekend with work so we had mothers day last weekend.
My best friend's lovely husband has invited me out to the mother's day meal he has booked for his wife, mum and Mil which I though was really thoughtful.

I gave my mum a card yesterday as I was there to sort out her meds and we don't live nearby. I'll ring on the day but I phone most weekends anyway.
I told my children not to bother as soon as they got past the age where it was a thing at school but they might drop me a text but one doesn't lie in the UK and they have a completely different set up there so he probably won't think of it. Again, we speak most weeks anyway.

I've lived in so many countries each with a different mother's day that I can't keep track. My family all live in different countries too.

Usually on mother's day in whatever country we are in at the time, each of us will send a whatsapp to the other mothers in the family saying 'mother's day here today! happy mother's day!'

I don't think my dc even know that there is such a thing as mother's day. I'm not bothered by that. They make me feel loved and appreciated as a mother every single day, which is worth 10x more to me than a fuss made once a year. To me a 'thank you for being an awesome mother' spontaneously said (like my 17yo said last week) makes it all worthwhile, I don't need anything else.