DD has been removed

[Flojoloco]

DD is 15 with additional needs. Things have been getting progressively difficult. Today she told her social worker that I hit her and there is a bruise on her face so they removed her. There’s a strat meeting tomorrow and I’ve no idea if she’s coming home or not either way it’s a mess. I either lose my DD or she’s at home and I’m scared of her lies. She’s 5’8” and 14+ stone, she has massive temper tantrums/meltdowns and puts holes in doors etc. I have no doubt if I ever hit her she would paste me. She lives a charmed life but she’s not very happy at the moment and that’s impacting massively. I would never hit her. I’ve no idea where the bruise came from. If she bumped her head on something or deliberately smacked herself in her face. I haven’t seen her but the photo on SW phone didn’t look like a bruise, she just looked blotchy. Either way we need help.

Yes- this was a point I made earlier-

While people like many posters on this thread continue to characterise these children (and disabled children in general) as something disposable, to be got rid of as soon as possible, or as bad people who are choosing to display their disability in an unpleasant way- this problem will never be resolved.

Why on God’s green earth would it ever become a priority for extra funding to support these children so that their parents aren’t dealing with this alone- when society makes it clear that they don’t give a shit about these kids?!

The government spends money on 2 things- things they can’t avoid (clearly they can avoid funding this), and things that win them votes (and clearly nobody gives a shit about these children so it won’t win votes). So, no funding.

Just read your last few exchanges and what stands out a mile is that the two posters with whom you are arguing clearly have either lived or professional experience of ND and a comprehensive understanding of the condition and its’ effects. What stands out even more is that you have neither.

A lot of posters who you describe as ‘minimising’ and ‘excusing’ DDs behaviour, are simply trying to convey that the behaviours displayed are as a result of a medical condition, and should not be compared with violent behaviour from neurotypical people. Which is what you are doing. ND conditions affect cognitive development, and in about quarter of sufferers it results in violent behaviour, because sufferers don’t have the developmental capacity to regulate that behaviour. It’s a disability and as has been pointed out numerous times it’s referred to as distressed behaviour to differentiate, not to excuse or minimise.

Everyone here who has lived experience of ND - whether in a professional capacity or living with an affected family member - will know that the resources needed to give everyone the support they need simply don’t exist - as with mental health provision across the board. Do you know, for example, how many people with mental health conditions end up in prison because the resources to help them cope with their condition just aren’t there ? Posting repeatedly from the pov of what should happen when you’ve been told repeatedly that the resources to support that don’t exist is bordering on offensive.

You accuse those calling you out on your pov of trying to close down debate. In actual fact posting from a position of ignorance is what closes down the debate, because people get tired of trying to clarify fact from prejudice borne from that ignorance.

The OP is in the process of assessment which will hopefully lead to a diagnosis for her DD. That in turn may mean she gets some additional support, depending on availability. It will hopefully also mean she can access information on the actual condition diagnosed so she has a better understanding of it, in order to help her DD. What she doesn’t need is people like you telling her that her daughter is violent and abusive and using disability as an excuse for bad behaviour. Which is essentially what you’re saying. It’s not just nonsense, it’s dangerous nonsense.

So, yet again, those with mental health conditions end up in prison because there is no other provision for helping them. Not hard to see how it happens is it - you’re advocating for it yourself. DD is 15 and has a mental health condition. She isn’t capable of regulating her behaviour because her cognitive function hasn’t developed to the point where she can recognise it as not socially acceptable. Children with these and other disabilities are not disposable at will and the notion of prison as an alternative to proper support is abhorrent.

Thanks for all the comments. It’s really interesting to read from all sides.
Yesterday she received (I intercepted) a generic letter from the police, sorry you’ve been a victim blah blah.. of ‘cruelty to children - cruelty and neglect of children’. Seeing that in black and white was such a shock, I was expecting assault or something.

Mainstream services are rarely geared up to understand and support neurodiverse children with additional needs and their families. Situations are frequently complex and challenging and require knowledge and compassion in order to understand and support all parties.

I hope you get some better support going forward.

PS. The SEN boards here are full of experienced posters who help others parents navigate the system.

Also, just to say if DD does go on to receive diagnoses I hope these bring comfort and understanding. These behaviours are not 'choices', but I appreciate they are very difficult to experience.

Yes. Absolutely. Tell OP that her daughter is violent and abusive, and using a disability as a cover because she knows her behaviour is wrong. Then encourage her to involve the police so that her disabled daughter becomes a statistic. One of the many people with mental health conditions who end up in prison BECAUSE THE RESOURCES FOR THE SUPPORT THEY NEED FOR THEIR DISABILITY JUST ISN’T THERE.

Apologies for shouting but this is getting very old. You’re advising the OP that she will receive support when there are no guarantees. Assisted living for kids with these kinds of problems is a remote possibility at best because they’re too difficult to deal with. If DD is removed from her home she’ll likely end up in a hostel or a B&B. That’s the reality. OP is in the process of assessment for DD and hasn’t yet received a diagnosis - when she does, hopefully there will be more understanding of what’s actually happening and more support forthcoming. Your post displays little to no understanding of ND.