DD has been removed

[Flojoloco]

DD is 15 with additional needs. Things have been getting progressively difficult. Today she told her social worker that I hit her and there is a bruise on her face so they removed her. There’s a strat meeting tomorrow and I’ve no idea if she’s coming home or not either way it’s a mess. I either lose my DD or she’s at home and I’m scared of her lies. She’s 5’8” and 14+ stone, she has massive temper tantrums/meltdowns and puts holes in doors etc. I have no doubt if I ever hit her she would paste me. She lives a charmed life but she’s not very happy at the moment and that’s impacting massively. I would never hit her. I’ve no idea where the bruise came from. If she bumped her head on something or deliberately smacked herself in her face. I haven’t seen her but the photo on SW phone didn’t look like a bruise, she just looked blotchy. Either way we need help.

Did you somehow miss the whole discussion upthread ? What exactly do you mean by Institution ? OP is in the process of getting an assessment for her DD for ASD/ADHD and said it’s very likely she has these conditions. Once the diagnosis is in place hopefully OP will get more support. Part of DD’s behavioural issues are down to her needs not being met but OP has no idea what she’s dealing with, or what support will be needed until the assessment is complete.

You can’t just have a child admitted to hospital. It’s not a question of not doing the child any favours by keeping her at home. The OP has little alternative until DDs assessment is complete and OP has professional input into what support is needed. Hospital is not a suitable environment for DD and is likely to result in an escalation in behaviour.

Who needs to learn the hard way ? OP’s daughter ? Given that OP has already explained, and it’s been discussed in detail, that DD doesn’t understand consequences, how do you propose to do that ? You need to read the thread because you clearly don’t understand what’s going on here.

We don't have institutions any more
Clearly you don't have a clue so stop suggesting options that don't exist .

Private institution.
Private boarding school for children with special needs.

While waiting for a diagnose since the situation escalates

as mentioned above -
there are maybe you should do a bit more research

there are private institutions for children/adults with special needs

the stuff that she is describing I have seen.
OP has to remove herself from this situation or this whole thing will break her - maybe she is not going to feel it now but will in the future

also important- will destroy everyone around her or/and their relations

We don't call them institutions and yes in aware there are residential placements for children and adults with special needs
But you cannot just sign somebody in you are at best incredibly naieve .

Please just stop
You have no just incredibly hard it is to get that kind of placement even for a child with extremely complex needs

And what happens to the child ? The ‘institutions’ you are talking about, and the way you glibly describe boarding schools for those with special needs leads me to believe you have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about. Or you’re a troll. Either way each time you post you display your ignorance and ableist attitude. So I’d stop now if I were you. You’re not helping, you’re derailing. This isn’t Emmerdale, it’s the OP’s actual life.

It’s you who needs to research because your comfortable world with easy solutions doesn’t exist. You can’t just rock up and ask for a place in a special needs facility. And OP doesn’t even know what the special needs are until the assessment is complete. You’re talking through your arse and please stop using the word ‘institution’. It’s very triggering for anyone with a disability because it conjures up images of lost liberty and abuse. You are rude, disrespectful and ill informed. Not to mention using ableist language.

You volunteering to pay ? Because I doubt the OP can afford the huge costs involved as a single parent. If not, you need to come back to the real world the rest of us live in, because your posts are ableist, triggering and offensive.

Cactidream - specialist subject the bleedin’ obvious. OP knows what the problem is. She needs a solution, not having her nose rubbed in it.

"we don't call them"
what do you mean? who is "we"?

I am from Germany, but I have been living in the UK for many years now, and I have heard this word being used in similar context

I know for a fact being a witness to a similar issue that OP has to removee herself from this situation.

OP do you have any new information?

We as a society .

And I know ,being both the parent of a severely disabled child
And a former mental, health nurse
That it is a long complicated process, you cannot just have somebody admitted to a mental.health hospital
And yes there are residential units for children and adults with disabilities which are not the same as mental.health hospitals by the way
They are incredibly hard to get into even for people with the most complex disabilities

I really dont know why you keep trying to push this agenda you are not helping anyone

@cactidream we were supposed to be doing a safety plan today but that need happened the meeting just got took over by a school incident, where DD ironically got assaulted.
The sec 47 has been concluded and NFA’d… until the next time.
DD has been quite hostile and aggressive the last few days and still accusing me of things I haven’t done. Namely that I’m shouting when I’m not and that I’m calling her names and being abusive when I put a sanction in etc

@Flojoloco

Have you been able to take legal advice on which options are open to you re where she is educated, OP?

It sounds as though a school similar to this one could have been helpful, although she may not have met the criteria.

Limpsfield Grange School – Together we make a difference

I still think that boarding could make a world of difference to your situation, if it is an option open to you.

With respect the Ops daughter doesn't even have a diagnosis yet
I don't want to be negative but as the parent of a child with complex disabilities I have knowledge of how the system works it's really not a simple process to get any kind of specialised education especially when its private as it tends to cost ££££,s and the LEA would be very reluctant to pay that .
Even if they agreed and its a very big IF the school would have to agree it could meet the Op,s daughters needs .

You’re wasting your breath. You and several other posters, including myself, have pointed out the complexities and difficulties - even in actually getting a diagnosis - but still the idea that there are enough resources to meet need persists.

I know ,it infuriates me on these type of threads that that people do a bit of googling and think they have found a solution
Whilst ignoring those of us that are living it

Your DD is nearing the age where she can be transitioned to assisted living soon and I would be looking into this as soon as possible so you have the info.

In regard to her behaviour, although some of it is out of control with SEN kids, they do realise in a way, that the behaviour is also wrong.

You need to build a case now where you can prove she needs to be rehomed out of the home without turning in your parental rights, e.g. assisted living.

When she becomes violent, as difficult as it is, you need to call the police. Every time. You tell the police that your DD is out of control, attacked you and you're fearful she will do worse. There may be no action taken, but it will be on record how many times you have called, nature of incidents etc and these will be passed to SS also.

It is difficult to get a section 20 unless you have this proof to present to them and the support/testimony of attending officers at the time of the incidents.

Document all injuries she inflicts on you, bruises etc. Make a log book of all incidents where she hits herself (punching doors etc) as this will coincide with self inflicted injuries she may try to blame on you.

If this isnt nipped in the bud now, this will get worse when she is an adult. Make the hard decisions now and start documenting everything so you can present your side.

@greyflannel has OP advised her daughter doesn't have capacity? Because you're writing as though she doesn't which is misleading OP should not be told her daughter probably doesn't understand consequences because should the daughter cause serious harm CPS probably will not be as understanding it's akin to setting OP's daughter to fail