Together 15 years, married 10 years, 2 kids. we are happy. Name changed but regular mnetter.
Short version:
DH salary is £42.5k.
His commission bumped his income up to £97k last year, but he has never mentioned this.
AIBU to think he should have mentioned this at some point?
Long version:
DH basic salary is currently £42.5k. his monthly income only just covers his share
of the bills, so he rarely has any more left to add to savings pots, pay off
the mortgage etc.
My salary is more than DH's. I am a good saver, so I set aside my savings first,
and then decide what to do with the left over. I might save some more, I might
spend.
We have separate finances (I know this divides opinions on here!) We get paid into our own bank accounts, and then transfer a set amount each month to a joint account. All bills are paid from the joint account. We are then left with our
own pots of money to do as we wish.
Generally this has worked well for both of us as I am a good saver, so despite the fact I earn more, I also will save for big ticket items and pay for those.... new
boiler, holiday, big days out, family meals, theatre tickets etc.
I feel confident that this has been an even split over the years. And for many
years, DH took home more than I did.
Today, the post has been delivered and there are several letters in there. As I went through them, there are 3 letters from the Inland Revenue. 2 letters are in small brown envelopes, nothing unusual.
One of the letters was bigger and had a large window where the name and address is. Through the window, I could instantly see the words, Income: £97,000
I can’t unsee this. I didn’t go looking for this. It’s actually shocking how it is so clear. I guess it’s the way the letter has been drafted and folded, and this info just happened to end up in the window and be so visible.
Now I don’t know what to do… only yesterday we were talking about job hunting and he was saying that he needs to earn more money as he doesn’t like feeling like he always owes me money for things (I just paid for a big holiday out of the savings).
He has potential to earn commission in his role, but at no point has he ever alluded to the fact he has doubled his basic income. All this time I am thinking he earns much less than me, and I have been paying for things out of the savings to make things fairer. His car needed a full service and work done recently and I even offered to pay for that. He didn’t take me up.
I can’t think what he has spent his money on. We have 2 nice cars – we pay for these monthly and I know how much this costs. Our children do lots of activities, but again this is all out of the joint account so I know how much these cost.
We hardly eat out. He doesn’t have a shopping habit, we don’t belong to expensive clubs. We both WFH mostly, and spend all weekends together.
If I can save money each month, then how has he ended up with not enough to even contribute to joint holidays, and say he needs a better paid job?!
I recognise we are financially comfortable, and I am not here for a debate on
WHAT we spend our money on. We both pay into pensions.
AIBU in thinking he should have told me his whole income, rather than let me think he only earns his basic salary. I feel a bit of a mug to be honest.
Or is it none of my business? He hasn’t actually lied… I’ve never asked him what he took home last year. But at the same time, I had no idea his earning potential was that high!