To bring DD friend away instead of DSD

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I’m taking DD11 away in a few months time to Rome for a long weekend. This is a birthday treat for her.

My husband (her dad) will be staying at home with our youngest.

DD asked if a friend could come and after searching for some deals I said she could. This is now booked for me, dd & her friend.

The problem that’s occurred recently is my DSD15 has recently found out I’m taking DD to Rome and has made noises about it being unfair that she’s not coming. DSDs mum has messaged tonight to ask why is DD friend is coming instead of DSD.

Am I being unreasonable taking DD friend? As it’s what my DD wants.

Just incase it gets asked. I paid for this trip out of my own wages, my OH has not paid for it.

Sorry, I was talking about the thread @KrisAkabusi was referring to, not this one.

Ok thanks and sorry

A bit to the bone. But yes, I have a 15 yo dd. They can be rather lippy and fragile.

Your dh can simply respond to his ex this is mother / daughter time paid for by the mother and without expectation that a sibling or step sibling should be included. He should also address it directly with his dd so she understands.

Yanbu. The cheek of the ex getting involved too.

Tell her mother to take her own daughter away, as you are doing with yours.

Quite.

The 15 year old has two parents. Surely if they want their child to go on holiday they should be taking her.

The ex is a cheeky fucker. Don’t second guess yourself OP. This is a birthday treat for your child. It’s absolutely fine to go as you have planned.
Does the ex behave unreasonably in general or is this is one off?
If it’s a one off then reply politely to her. If it’s part of a pattern of behaviour I’d suggest speaking to your partner about things. Maybe he needs to handle this. You could form a very firn response together for him to send to the ex with him also pointing out the inappropriate nature of her actions.

Sorry your husband not your partner.

You're absolutely not being unreasonable! It's your daughter's birthday treat, not a family weekend away. It's not like your youngest is going too!

I would tell her that a) it’s DD’s birthday present from YOU and b) DD’s friend is contributing to expenses and c) She is welcome to take her own daughter whenever she wants to go to Rome.

I’m surprised no one has sparked on the fact a 15 year old wants to apparently voluntarily spend time with an 11 year old!! I cannot imagine a 15 year old wants to actually spend time with an 11 year old and her step mother (no offence, OP).

DSD really wants the equivalent spent on her. She doesn’t actually want to go to Rome, IMO. She’s jealous of the trip and costs involved, not on missing out. That, is for her parents to fix. Not for you to fix

Invite your DD and her friend.
It is her birthday and she is inviting one friend.
Fifteen year olds would normally not really hang out with two 11 year olds and call that fun, anyway.
It is not a family holiday.

Do something nice, or your HD can, for DSD on her birthday - inviting her and one of her friends to a weekend that DSD would really enjoy..

Has DSD ever been away, with either her mum (and family) or her dad (and family)?

I think YANBU. But if DSD has never been away then I can see why she would be hurt. Watching your sibling go on holiday must be hard.

But I assume DSD has had family holidays?

Who the fuck does the ex think she is, asking you take DSD?
This is a treat for your DD's birthday, not a whole family holiday. I'd tell her to take a hike and make clear she's acting like a spoilt ex whilst setting a bad example to her own daughter.
Sadly I suspect ex still thinks she can call the shots and it's a power issue and done to make you feel guilty thus spoil your trip.

I hope you have a wonderful time with your DD and her friend and don't give it a second thought.

This isn't your family holiday it's a birthday present to your dd. If she wanted to take a friend to the cinema or bowling would that friend always have to be dsd?

I don't like to see dsd being treated unfairly although I think with holidays providing if they get a holiday with at least one parent they shouldn't necessarily have to do all holidays with both.

But in this case it's not even that it's not a family holiday it's a trip for dd and a friend for her birthday. Your dh could always do the same for dsd birthday.

Just tell her its a birthday gift and DD picked her plus 1 🤷🏻‍♀️

YANBU. Of course you can take your daughter (and her friend) on holiday. I actually think it's a bit odd that you're paying and DH isn't contributing to his DD's birthday present.

I think you can tell the ex that your other child isn't coming either - it's just for DD. Then your DH can tell her that on any future family trips, your DSD will be invited. Hopefully that shifts the communication around this onto him.

A trip of a lifetime?! It’s a few days in Rome!

It depends on whether DSD ever gets to go away, either with her mum or dad, I think.

It's a birthday present not a family holiday. Yanbu

He is not ‘minding’ the LO! He is parenting his child, it’s not doing OP a favour. He’s looking after his own child.

Yes, totally different. This is a gift to the child - she can take her mate if she wants, rather than a sibling, whether full or half.

If we were doing this with one of ours, we wouldn’t expect eg DS2 to ‘take’ DS1 as his plus one, he could take a mate. It’s a gift, not a family holiday

If it was just you an DD I'd think it was fine but to take another kid before considering immediate family is a bit off imo.

What did DSD do for her 11th birthday?

I can see why she's upset, even if she's not being totally reasonable.

It's so shit being in a blended family - this thread is reason number 12,647