To bring DD friend away instead of DSD

[2907fe9166a247bb9ghj3]

I’m taking DD11 away in a few months time to Rome for a long weekend. This is a birthday treat for her.

My husband (her dad) will be staying at home with our youngest.

DD asked if a friend could come and after searching for some deals I said she could. This is now booked for me, dd & her friend.

The problem that’s occurred recently is my DSD15 has recently found out I’m taking DD to Rome and has made noises about it being unfair that she’s not coming. DSDs mum has messaged tonight to ask why is DD friend is coming instead of DSD.

Am I being unreasonable taking DD friend? As it’s what my DD wants.

Just incase it gets asked. I paid for this trip out of my own wages, my OH has not paid for it.

Does DSD ever go away with his DM
Are your DC invited?

Have you replied? You’re not answerable to your husband’s ex so you don’t need to explain yourself or to reply at all. It’s none of her business what you do with your child, your money or your time, least of all when DH can still see DSD if you’re away during planned contact tone. It’s laughable she thinks it’s her right to question you or your plans.

DSD can spend quality time with her father and her mother or father can plan their own trips with her should they want to.

You aren't doing anything really wrong but it still feels a bit mean spirited.
If the 15yr old had already had a comparable trip it would be different.
I doubt she realises who is paying, she just sees her and the 11yr old as sisters who should get fair goes.

Tell your husband yo tell his ex wife to butt out. It's none of her business. The ex would be doing her child a huge favor by letting her know that she is not always going to get to go ESPECIALLY when her father isn't going. God, the entitlement of people.

DD friend is not contributing to the trip. I’m paying for her as I’m the one who invited her.

Her parents will get travel insurance for her and give her some spending money and have offered me a small amount to cover some treats for both girls.

DSD is behaving like a spoiled entitled brat and it is absolutely none of her mother’s business. Given her attitude she would probably spoil your DD’s holiday if you were forced to take her. I’ve taken both of my (now adult) children away separately when they were early teens and once took DD’s best friend too which DS had no issue with. They have different interests and I liked spending quality time with them separately sometimes as did they. Neither sibling showed any resentment of the other when I did this. (We also had family holidays as a group). Holidays are not an entitlement and you don’t have to pander to DSD. Her dad can take her somewhere if they’re that bothered.

@2907fe9166a247bb9ghj3 the brother is younger than 10, hardly the same as a 15 year old.

It’s like a sibling being jealous that they didn’t get to go. No, it’s not fair but that’s life - it’s your DD’s birthday treat, not a family holiday and you are not being unreasonable at all

I think OP is entitled (obviously) to take her DD and her DD's friend on holiday however it doesn't mean she is immune from other people's feelings especially that of her DSD. It's obviously caused upset which should be addressed primarily by the father but wouldn't hurt for OP to show some understanding of her DSD's feelings as well.

Tell her mother to take her own daughter away, as you are doing with yours.

It's a mother daughter trip with a best friend who is the same age for company.

Would she take your daughter away on such a trip? I doubt it!

Don't indulge the SD's bratty behaviour. Sounds like she can't stand someone else being the centre of attention.

She’s a 15 year old girl, hence she’s a prick who loves to be right and tell her parents they’re wrong, and generally just be a moody, aggrieved little prick. This is how 15 year old girls are. Don’t worry about it.

THIS

YANBU she’s 15 she’s old enough to understand that it’s a birthday trip and not a family holiday. I can understand if your DH has never organise anything similar for her she may find it unfair but that’s on him to remedy.

Her Mum is out of order really because she could’ve easily remedied this with your DH. They could’ve gone into damage control mode and could have suggested that they plan a girls trip with her Mum and a friend for when she turns 16. I don’t think it was fair of her to blame you assuming she realises that it’s not a family holiday.

Nothing is stopping DSD’s own mum from taking her own daughter on a holiday. I’d genuinely be surprised if she’s never been away with just her daughter before, a trip your child (rightly) didn’t go on.

It is a birthday treat for an 11 year old who will have a completely different experience with her friend who is the same age, than with a 15 year old.
DSD can have a birthday trip with her dad later and my guess is that she probably wouldn't want an 11 yr old tagging along on that.
The 11 year old's younger sibling isn't coming either.
I don't see any issue with this. I had a 10 year age gap between eldest and youngest and we did trips and holidays together and separately depending on the occasion.

What a lovely present :)

YANBU. DSD is jealous due to the nature of the birthday present.

This is a birthday present, not a family holiday. No reason she should demand to go while your son stays at home.

To me, I find this comparible to some of my birthdays eg I remember a birthday trip to the cinema. My mum took me and my best friend from school, not me and my brother.

It’s also not really your problem about whether DSD gets the same kind of birthday present. That’s more up to her parents. It also doesn’t mean that her parents haven’t previously spent the same amount of money on her birthday before. A couple of nights in Rome through a deal doesn’t actually cost the earth.

This is a trip for the OP daughter and her, it is not a family holiday or the op's mum could take her on their own trip or the OP partner could arrange something

Does the mum know that the dad isn't going? It makes no sense that the mum expects the stepmum to take her daughter on a holiday that the dad isn't going on. Does she offer to take her daughter's half sister away with her?

yanbu. Your dsd could ask you both for a trip away with her friend for a birthday if that’s what she wants.
nothing wrong with taking your daughter and her friend if that’s what she’s asked for. S others have said, it’s not a family trip.

I would tell her mother that she is more than welcome to take her daughter on a trip herself, however this is your mother / daughter trip. And as part of her birthday treat you've agreed to her friend going too.

Of course yanbu.

DSD is being treated the same as DD's other sibling, there's no favoritism.

This is a special treat for DD, not a whole family thing. Dad isn't going so clearly not appropriate for DSD to go.

Dad should do a nice day/weekend out with DSD and her own chosen best friend at some point in future.

i thought the thread referred to was about a family holiday. OP’s DH wants to take his children (OP’s DSC) on holiday while their shared four year old stays at home.

Not according to the 3rd line in the OP I dont think

Hi Ex, The trip is for DDs birthday present, it’s not a family trip, DH and DS are not going,it’s just me, DD and her bestie. Sorry DSD feels left out but I wouldn’t expect DD to be invited out when DSD spends her birthday with her friends.

It’s a birthday treat for DD and as such she gets to choose who she wants to accompany her. How is it mean spirited ?