To feel like DD loves her nanny-housekeeper more than me

[bringpositivitea]

My DD is 2, I'm a SAHM and we have a housekeeper / nanny who comes daily 9-3 on weekdays - she does all the cleaning, laundry, ironing, cooking lunch etc. The only thing I do is cooking dinner. So essentially I'm with my daughter all day, I try to plan really fun things for her like playdates, go to various playgrounds, soft play, feed the ducks, ride her bike, go to kid friendly museums etc. However if I have a doctors appointment or need to get something done (around 1-2 times per week when I'm gone for 3-4 hours) my daughter will stay with this nanny / housekeeper until I get back (they usually just go to the park).

It feels like my daughter loves the nanny / housekeeper (call her NH for short) more than me and I can't understand why. If NH is home when we are, she will prefer to play with NH over me and actively tell me "go away mummy" if I walk into the room they are playing in. If I'm dressing her for the walk she will request that NH does it instead. I don't stop them and it's now turned into them playing together just after her nap because if I ask whether she wants to go outside, DD will say no she wants to play at home with NH rather than go with me to the park or do anything with me...

Not the point, but how filthy is your house that you need a cleaner in for 6hrs a day?? 😳😳😳😳

I reckon it’s mostly housekeeping. Also if it’s an absolute mansion it’s a full time job.

The NH is there 9-3 so presumably makes lunch and cleans plus does ad hoc baby sitting for Drs appointments etc. How is that any different from nursery or a child minder, and a cleaner???

Yes a small in stature lady from malaysia- small enough to fit in a car boot

After the updates I agree. Initially where she said housekeeper/nanny I posted. But updates make clear she is a housekeeper and looks after the child just occasionally when required

How on earth is someone who can afford to employ an almost full time nanny/housekeeper also worried they may not be able to afford a single round of IVF?

She’s not a cleaner though. She’s a housekeeper so she keeps house.

Who cares!? This derail is really very boring and has nothing to do with what the OP asked.

jealousy is not the feeling i get from this thread. most people if moving to the gulf could afford live in staff because it costs so little. these people are being exploited and if you have no real need for outside help you are only perpetuating modern day slavery.

because a full time nanny costs about 240-400 a month in middle east.

Do people honestly think that people are paid the same per hour all around the world? There are abusive employers in all countries but the rate of pay for different roles is usually based on what is the norm locally.

it’s ok OP. I told my mum “you can go now” on my first day of school 😅 and my god daughter didn’t even look back when I took her to her first day. 😭

Shes secure, it’s good.

But why? Why have a housekeeper when you're at home all day?

Your DD sees you lots and spends less time with NH and therefore NH is more interesting. Its normal.

Maybe it is because your Daughter doesn't want to be dragged around all day every day to museums and play dates and just wants to run wild in the park.

‘But why? Why have a housekeeper when you're at home all day?’

fucks sake. If I could afford to have someone else do the grunt work I Would!
Ignore stupid comments like ‘ oh you have plenty of money, why aren’t you cleaning your own toilets??’

Why do you care? It’s got nothing to do with you, and wasn’t the point of the thread.

I don't think I'd be moaning with your insane privilege. it's just because the nanny is a novelty.

How is that relevant to what the OP asked?

Because she wants to play with her dc and deal with the medical issues she has alluded to several times but chosen not to share. It doesn’t make you a better mum to hoover or mop while caring for your child.

I think it's quite normal for you to feel like that. You're in quite a privileged position in that you can stay at home, pay for a housekeeper / nanny and not many of us can understand the dynamics. My eldest has always been like this with my Mum, but that's totally different.

It's lovely that she has a trusted adult who she loves and who cares for her, I'd be encouraging it and make light of it in your own mind. I think it's very sweet.

Why would you want to do all the housework if you didn't have to??
I'm amazed anyone would choose to do all the cooking and cleaning if it wasn't necessary. Surely no one loves cleaning toilets that much

It's pretty normal in some areas of London too, Kensington is full of nannies and housekeepers working for SAH/under employed mums.

Why is it confusing?

People can spend their money how they like?

I'd love a housekeeper!

It totally makes sense to outsource what you can afford to and most people do.

I just wonder if having your 100% focus on her at all times isn't a bit too much? Children like space and the opportunity to socialise with other people, adults and children.