Getting parents to help out so me and DH can have a weekend away

[harveyluna789]

When I became pregnant with my first child my parents said they would never babysit as they finally have a life now after child rearing for 20 years - I took it with a bit of jest and thought that maybe when the baby was born they would change their mind but no - they have babysat once for a few hours about 10 yrs ago. Myself and DH are desperate for a child free weekend and don't feel our kids are quite old enough to stay on their own (16 and 14) so we have begged my parents to stay over and just to be a presence in the house and have asked to take my son to an audition 6 miles away(they are in their 70's) but very fit. They go on city breaks and travel all the time - hence the lack of babysitting. My son is autistic and if really pushed he could get to the audition by getting three buses but it would take him 3 hours. He refuses to get a taxi as the whole concept of getting in a car with a stranger freaks him out.There excuse is they are too old to drive him to the other side of town and he will just have to miss it or we don't go on our break!

AIBU to think just put your grandchild first for once? Or do I have to cancel our break so that my son can attend his audition?

I feel so guilty now for even contemplating a weekend away but I really feel me and my DH need this as we have never spent a child free night and possibly I think even a day and we just need a bit of reconnecting time.

Your children so you deal with them.
Your the parents not other people.

the Op won’t be back now that the holes in her story asked on another thread have been identified

what thread was that.

Er, what is the issue here?

Maybe they don't want to watch films, walk or do crosswords? So why do you assume that because you think this agenda constitutes a weekend made in heaven, they will think the same?

Also they clearly told you they were not up for babysitting. They have the right to say that. End of.

My brothers kids are 8, 7and 5 and theyv'e probably only seen the 5 yr old once.

Horrible. Being a parent means at least feigning an interest in your adult children’s interests and lives. That’s something called maintaining a relationship and basic human respect. Only meeting your grandchild once in five years is dire selfishness. Not caring enough about your grandchild to drive him across town to an audition is selfishness.

I bet they got loads of help from their parents when their kids were young too. Children of that age group (children of 60-70 year olds) spent loads of weekends and holidays with grandparents and cousins, at least among my peer group. Pure selfishness and pulling up the ladder behind them tbh. OP needs to adjust her image of them as “great parents”.

Christ

That's a great idea

I just find this whole thing odd. Of course the gp aren’t obligated to do anything for grandchildren or children in adulthood. And regular childcare is a lot for older people. But I find it utterly puzzling that just once in a blue moon they can’t fin it in themselves to help out when asked and would rather just be utterly selfish 100% of the time? I have no desire to be a free childminder for my grandchildren but a) love spending time with them and getting to know them b) want to help out my kids occasionally when asked c) there is more pleasure in giving…… I just can’t fathom this ‘not gonna lift a finger ever for my own family’ attitude myself

Yanbu. I can't imagine having such blatant disdain for one's grandchildren.

"You can't just put this responsibility on to someone"

OP really isn't asking for much and I'm sorry, but your responsibilities don't entirely end when your kids turn 18. I don't think it's much to ask to give your grandkid a lift somewhere. Jeez, if a friend asked me a favour to drive their kid somewhere and I was free I would do it and I'm not even related to them!

My parents and PIL are the same - and I do bear a grudge!

It's really affected my and DH's relationship and wellbeing.

They have done / will do it for their other GCs... Maybe that's the difference.

YANBU my parents have the same attitude. My mum was a sahp, my DPs had tonnes of support from both sets of grandparents. It has made me think differently about support they might need in the future.

I don't think it's too much to ask.
Is there anyone else your DS can stay with?

I hope be a lot more involved. I am more family orientated than they ever were. I cannot wait for that phase of life. More fool them, they are missing out.

Get your son to come up with a suitable solution.

Get a friends parent to take him.
Make the trip with a friend in the taxi.
Get transport or a taxi with his sister.

There are times in life when you have to push their boundaries, this is one. To follow his dreams he must make the effort too.

I agree, it seems very at odds with them having been 'great parents'!?

He's 14 and autistic, so that may well just not be realistic to make him sort it himself.

Oh yes, just AS, so this is all BS. What a waste of time.

people are right, they don’t owe you anything. However that same stance will apply for you when they are elderly and need care/support/ferrying to appointments. It’s disappointing that they can travel overseas but not a 12 mile drive, but that’s their decision. I’d be petty and remember that

I think they sound incredibly selfish and horrible grandparents, I don’t think it’s much to ask, they are obviously well travelled, why can’t they escort him on the bus if they feel unable to drive. To ask for help twice in ten years is certainly not unreasonable, but they have certainly stuck to their guns, wonder how they will feel If you can’t help them when they are old and infirm.

Yabvu op you should not have booked it in the first place. You made this problem.

They are not obliged to help out, of course but I think YANBU. They don’t sound particularly nice and are rather selfish - I wouldn’t go out my way to stay involved with them but sounds like they wouldn’t care anyway! Can’t imagine being like this when I’m grandparent. I wouldn’t make a huge childcare commitment but I wouldn’t begrudge my children the odd weekend away!

Your responsibilities don't end when your kids reach 18 I agree.

Does that mean they extend to looking after GC for a weekend so that your adult kid can have a weekend away?

lol 😂😂

Completely agree with this

But she is asking for a lot! You’re asking someone to stay in your home for the weekend and drive someone when the OP has outlined on an earlier thread that her parents don’t like driving during the day. She is entitled to feel aggrieved by the situation but it’s not fair to lay the blame with her parents.

Phone a care agency and ask for someone vetted to stay over the weekend. Then contact a local cab company and ask if they have someone vetted who does things like school runs or taking kids from the airport to boarding schools (Addison Lee in London had particular staff they used for this type of work. Once or twice I used them to get DD to and from sports training - they gave the car reg and name in advance and the driver was tracked.)

not to mention that the grandparents are virtual strangers to these kids. How is a kid who can't deal with getting in a cab with an unknown driver going to deal with two strangers in his home for the weekend while his parents are away for the first time?