Getting parents to help out so me and DH can have a weekend away

[harveyluna789]

When I became pregnant with my first child my parents said they would never babysit as they finally have a life now after child rearing for 20 years - I took it with a bit of jest and thought that maybe when the baby was born they would change their mind but no - they have babysat once for a few hours about 10 yrs ago. Myself and DH are desperate for a child free weekend and don't feel our kids are quite old enough to stay on their own (16 and 14) so we have begged my parents to stay over and just to be a presence in the house and have asked to take my son to an audition 6 miles away(they are in their 70's) but very fit. They go on city breaks and travel all the time - hence the lack of babysitting. My son is autistic and if really pushed he could get to the audition by getting three buses but it would take him 3 hours. He refuses to get a taxi as the whole concept of getting in a car with a stranger freaks him out.There excuse is they are too old to drive him to the other side of town and he will just have to miss it or we don't go on our break!

AIBU to think just put your grandchild first for once? Or do I have to cancel our break so that my son can attend his audition?

I feel so guilty now for even contemplating a weekend away but I really feel me and my DH need this as we have never spent a child free night and possibly I think even a day and we just need a bit of reconnecting time.

This seems like a bit of a leap!!

Well maybe after your have expended your energy raising your family you too will need to be utterly selfish with your time, and not helping them in their old age…..

Could a grandparent go with child in a taxi to the audition?

What an amazing suggestion! It’s not like the question has been asked at least 20 times throughout this thread .

OP won’t be back. She’s thinking up another “Oh woe is me” thread to incite hatred from posters who believe any old 💩

To be hinest if someone feels like that about thei gran kids I’d just back off and go NC as they obviously don’t care

YANBU, That is such a shame, they can't even do one weekend for you. You can understand they did not want to regular do babysitting/childcare, but once in a while is not too much to ask especially now the children are older. I hope you work it out.

This makes zero sense to me. You give up everything for your kids to avoid their kids? Weirdness.

I think your parents are pretty shit and selfish tbh, but you can’t make anyone into fab grandparents unfortunately.

What I don’t understand is why you and DH are so desperate for time together given the ages of your kids. I was expecting you to say you had a 6 and 4 year old not 16 and 14. You have two teenagers, are they not out of the house a fair bit? Can you not leave them at home and go out to lunch or dinner as a couple? I know it’s not the same as a weekend away but would have thought by this age you would be able to get a bit more time together.

This! It's not on to assume that GPs will provide regular childcare but bloody hell this is a spectacular fuck you. Just... mean.

Don't say it in a serious voice, say it in a teasy light-hearted way. But do say it.

Is there no one else you could ask to take your son to the audition that he’d be comfortable with? A friend of your son’s parent? A neighbour? Your brother? Offer them money, impress that it’s the difference between you cancelling your holiday.
Your parents sound incredibly selfish but they’ve made their position known.

I think it has all the hallmarks of also needing 'my time now'. OP is already unhappy about difficulty getting away and how much she needs this time with her DH. So I can totally see in ten years, "I never got much time with my DH and now that my kids are grown I'm expected to spend my weekend with grandchildren. Not fair. It's my time to do things with DH that I couldn't do before."

I mean, I don't see a problem with the odd weekend for myself if I'm a grandparent but, when I had kids I didn't sit my parents down and ask them if it was a good time for them to be active grandparents and did it suit them if I made them grandparents. I just sprung it on them, "You're going to be grandparents!" They've never done a weekend for me either. I've never been away without kids. I chose this.

Late to the thread but this is crackers!

My DD is 7 now and my father said "I never thought I'd love anyone as much as my own kids, but I love her even more than you" 😂.

I don't even care, I love that they're so enamoured with her. They take her on holiday to their caravan at least once a month, not as a favour to me but because they genuinely adore spending time with her. I had the same relationship with my own grandparents, used to disappear with them completely during the summer holidays!

I couldn't imagine not wanting to bother with my grandchilren. All the hours I put in at work now and my investments are FOR my children and grandchildren. Yes, my retirement is important but only if my family are there to share it with me.

They sound shit OP.

Tbh I think your parents are a bit over the top with not wanting any contact with kids. It’s a bit mad. They are being very unreasonable tbh and they should show some flexibility given you booked a weekend away and your kids at that age will be extremely low maintenance.

But I don’t see why you and your Dh can’t have a day out together on a weekend etc. it’s not perfect but many of us have no help and have to work around it. DH won’t get any time by ourselves unless Dd goes on a residential. It is what it is.

They're 16 and 14. If you can't trust them for a weekend then something is wrong.

Edit; Read this wrong. Sorry.

Your parents shouldn't have to look after your kids they're you're responsibility, hire a baby sitter.

Completely agree! Some people just shouldn’t have kids.

Will never understand parents who don’t cherish spending quality time with their grandchildren :(

They're 16 and 14.

17 and 15 according to the OP’s posting history

Oh my gosh! Yes I’d totally understand if they were doing it for others. I 100% agree that would be so upsetting!

mine don’t have any other gc though…

Bit sad searching OPs posting history for this thread. And most people change minor details like sex and age when posting so it’s not exactly a gotcha moment.

Ah OP I feel so bad for you! I would honestly come and look after your kids for you if I could! Such a shame your parents are not involved - I cannot fathom that myself. As a Grandparent, I jump at the chance to look after my DGS so it seems very odd to me.
I haven't read all the replies but have you considered getting a Nanny to do proxy parenting for you for a couple of nights? Some agencies like Norland, have fantastic Nannies who will be strict and professional but like a big sister to your DCs. Would this be a possibility?
I totally get your need to spend time alone with your DH, I think it's really important to have time to reconnect with each other from time to time - it really does make such a massive difference to your long term relationship it if you can do this. I hope you get to go!

Wow that is awful. Only seeing your 5 year old grandchild once.

Sorry to say OP but your parents do not deserve to be called your children’s grandparents.

actually it’s bit more than that

according to the other thread… her parents have to be driven to her because they can’t drive far, and her birthday lunch needed to be over lunch because her parents aren’t up to evenings. So not quite the gung ho parents presented here

not sure about you… but whenever
I am on mumsnet i feel it’s a bit “sad” and that there’s far better things i should be doing! 😆

You are going to get flamed on here, as per mumsnet standards. In the real world- your parents are awful. One weekend in 16 years (going by your info that they are indeed both fit and healthy enough to travel on citybreaks themselves) is hardly asking for the moon on a stick. You have my sympathies, OP.

And as for the audition, no, it’s really, really not asking too much of them to drive him over to it. Jeez, parents drive their kids to activities, sports, etc week on week and sometimes have nothing to do but sit in the car and read a book for an hour- it is really not asking a lot. No way could I ever stand by see my children struggle through parenthood, and never have a break, without showing up and lending a helping hand. No way. It takes a village and we are not meant to do this alone without real, tangible support.

Ha ha - you're going massively with the grain

Wow my in-laws are in their 80’s and still look after BIL’s young kids and go out of their way to do things for our teens. I’m shocked your parents won’t help for just one afternoon. I only need to ask my Dad once and he arrives in 5mins!

OP could you ask your sons agent to recommend a chaperone to take him to the audition? It would cost but the chaperone is fully trained and used to making kids feel at ease. I sent my son with a chaperone once as I had something important in work.