How to word to my 11 year old nicely why I don't want her having fake nails/eyelashes.

[NoNailsPls]

Just that really.

My 11yo is at school in an area with a lot of very dark fake tan, BIG eyelashes/nails, lip filler mums.

The girls now are therefore getting into the idea of all of this as fashion.

For adults I'm very an each to their own and have friends and colleagues who love all their treatments etc. If she wants to do that with her body when older then that's her decision to make.

However, I really dislike seeing young girls dress like that and don't want my daughter to be trying to achieve that look at this age. (Once she's older her body, her choice, I say this to her.)

But she currently cannot understand why I tell her 'no you can't have acrylic nails at Easter' 'no you can't wear glue on eyelashes outside of the house'

As what I want to say: "I don't want you to look like jail bait' isn't acceptable and I can't think of a diplomatic way to explain to her when half her class see it all as the height of top class fashion.

AIBU for not letting her follow this trend at this age?

If I'm not how do I explain to her without sounding like I'm insulting other parents' choices?

I know we're in for years of this sort of thing so I'm keen to learn some of these tactics in readiness!

My old hair dressers there was a nail bar. Something in the air as I walked through to the Salon area set me coughing. I was definitely allergic to something in the air. The people who do it all day you have to wonder about their long term health.

Salons shouldn’t even be doing these treatments on people under 16/18 so there’s your answer.

"No" is a complete sentence.
You are the parent.

Tbh I've not read the whole thread but if it hasn't been said already then I hope this is helpful. I'd google articles which explain the longterm damage that acrylics can do to your natural nails esp at such a young age. Also the dangers of false lashes. I know of someone who lost their sight in one eye because the glue was incorrectly 7s
used and this was in a salon!
This might help weight to your reasons against her having these at such a young age.

It’s not necessarily the time or money involved. It’s the thought. I don’t know anyone who does these - they would indicate a high-maintenance person to me.

It doesn’t take a lot of thought, no more than remembering to buy loo roll or put petrol in the car.

Obviously some people don’t like the look, don’t want to/can’t afford it, disagree with it on principle or whatever- but it really isn’t a big thing to think about or do if you do want to.

I don't believe predatory men are fooled by little girls wearing fake nails. But I believe they will claim they were; I also believe that if the worst comes to the worst, some jurors will give such men the benefit of the doubt. Worse, so will some judges.

Here is a link to a case where a 41 year old man lured a 13 year old girl to his home, where he had her "perform a sex act" on him. This man possessed child abuse images and images of bestiality. He walked free from court with a suspended sentence, because the judge said the girl was "predatory" and that he was satisfied the man had thought she was older than 13.

man spared jail because 13 year old victim looked older

I'd tackle it more from a risk perspective. People can develop allergies to nail products which makes them unable to receive dental treatment as it uses the same chemicals (google for all the right terminology)

False lashes can rip out your natural lashes and you may end up very patchy permanently.

Once she's an adult she can make the decision to take those risks, but until then you're not prepared to do that.

Mascara and stick on nails / nail polish is all that you'll allow.

With my dd i always said if she wants these things done she has to go to professionals who can do it properly with the least damage, knowing full well there was age restrictions at salons. I would just discuss that having these things on such young skin/hair can be damaging and it's best to wait until she's old enough to have them done by professionals.

For me id say:
Manicure / tidy up on own nails / clear varnish
Lash lift
Eye brow wax but no tint

Anything else no

because you would look like a juvenile drag queen. Full stop.
Then explain what a drag queen is if needed hahahahaha

My friends daughter wanted false nails, lashes and tan and I put her off.

I’ve worn false eyelashes for nearly 15 years and I used to have beautiful long thick lashes, I now have little wispy short ones. At one stage I had NONE and looked like an egg. I’m trapped in a cycle where I still have to wear the strip lashes or I look awful and my contact lenses don’t stay in.
I’ve had severe eye infections from extensions as well.

False nails need maintenance which is boring sitting for 2 hours having them done. The longer you wear them the more it damages your natural nail and they became thin like paper and it hurts to have infills. Without the false nails they break and split.
I ripped off two false nails (and I have them as short as possible) opening a parcel. The pain was excruciating and I couldn’t bear to look at my fingers with the missing nails. I was also on reduced duties at work and struggled to do anything for almost 8 months when they were growing back.
The stick on nails are impossible to get off and damage and rip off natural nails.

False tan makes your skin dry and so itchy that I’ve gauged out lumps of skin and have had bruises and even scars from scratching. I stopped using it but I know a lot of people who just put up with the reaction too it and would prefer to sit and scratch like they have fleas then pale skin.

I told my friend’s daughter all this and then said how much nicer it was to use nail varnish and you had the benefit of changing colour without having to spend a fortune and sit for hours.
We looked at expensive mascara rather then lash extensions and gradual tan if she wanted to fake tan that would at least moisturise her body too.
I also said that if you dress up just on a special occasion it makes a much bigger impact then dressing that way all the time. We looked at pictures on line of natural beauty vs fake beauty.

It might not work with your daughter but you could try it? Show her pictures of missing fingernails that definitely persuaded my friends daughter!

It’s difficult when you want to fit in and keep up with peers and just saying “no you are too young” isn’t going to stop her wanting to do it. Is there someone older she looks up to who can say something?

Shes far too young to start messing with her appearance when she has the beauty of youth. Unfortunately we don’t realise it till we get older - we spend our younger years trying to look older and then get older and are desperate to look young again, if only we realise how lucky we are at the time.
I think it was Marian Keyes who said “I wish I was as fat as I was when I was in my twenties and convinced I was fat”
I’m paraphrasing but it’s the same with youth!

@Minimili how did you manage to rip off two nails opening a parcel?!

No salon I’ve ever visited would do acrylic nails and lashes on someone so young!

My dd has started to really get into nails and lashes, as a compromise she’s used my stick on one from primark (and some other I had) with the sticky pads (not nail glue) and we’ve got some mascara and lash curlers which I’ve shown her how to use..nails are strictly for non school days and school has a very loose make up policy, I think it says natural. I also gave her some clear lip gloss and she’s raided my make up and got a few bits of mine.

She has asked to nails like mine however mine are real and stupidly long I need to cut them down and told her to stop biting hers 🤷‍♀️

She’s also asked about skin care, so this week I need to look at getting her some to be fair her hormones are running rampant and she’s breaking out in spots

My standard response until recently was that she’s too young and whilst others are allowed I am not happy with it, it wasn’t liked but that’s tough.

Yes, but the very fact that you even have to/want to think of it still would indicate high-maintenance to me.

Show her Pamela Anderson recently with no make up & other similar celebrities

Celebration of "natural beauty"

You could also explain the cost
Nails & eyes once a week versus a holiday, car, or something else

I do not wear make up & I am not a lesser individual !

Why? They are children.

I think the cost is enough reason by itself.
I'd tell her you don't mind normal nail polish or stick on nails, or mascara, but the rest is ridiculous and high maintenance

Another argument is

Just because you can or want, doesn't mean that you should

When she has a job, she can pay for herself

A few stories on issues people have had with the glue on both nails and lashes may work (shudders!)

I am shocked that there are schools where ten year olds are using fake tan and having false lashes and nails. I am clearly in a naive bubble. It must look horrific, like one of those American pageants you see on TV.

Good luck OP. I would not allow it in a million years and wouldn’t care if my daughter despised me for it.

I am shocked that there are schools where ten year olds are using fake tan and having false lashes and nails. I am clearly in a naive bubble. It must look horrific, like one of those American pageants you see on TV.
I'm not because I've seen thread after thread on here where some parents will dress their children in sexualised clothing, let them conform to toxic expectations of female beauty and insist that anyone objecting to this (because the children are children) are the problem here. They usually insist that it's pure coincidence that their pre-teen daughters find these expectations and clothing choices empowering so adults thinking children should be children are the wrong ones.

This is 1000% hyperbole

No, it isn’t. It’s very well said.

Why be shocked at the schools? You should be more shocked at the awful parents that allow it.