How to word to my 11 year old nicely why I don't want her having fake nails/eyelashes.

[NoNailsPls]

Just that really.

My 11yo is at school in an area with a lot of very dark fake tan, BIG eyelashes/nails, lip filler mums.

The girls now are therefore getting into the idea of all of this as fashion.

For adults I'm very an each to their own and have friends and colleagues who love all their treatments etc. If she wants to do that with her body when older then that's her decision to make.

However, I really dislike seeing young girls dress like that and don't want my daughter to be trying to achieve that look at this age. (Once she's older her body, her choice, I say this to her.)

But she currently cannot understand why I tell her 'no you can't have acrylic nails at Easter' 'no you can't wear glue on eyelashes outside of the house'

As what I want to say: "I don't want you to look like jail bait' isn't acceptable and I can't think of a diplomatic way to explain to her when half her class see it all as the height of top class fashion.

AIBU for not letting her follow this trend at this age?

If I'm not how do I explain to her without sounding like I'm insulting other parents' choices?

I know we're in for years of this sort of thing so I'm keen to learn some of these tactics in readiness!

The most sensible post yet.

Your husband is a legend. Maybe you should take a leaf out of his book and be equally direct.

15 minutes every 2 weeks.

I thought the same. It only became apparent six months after we moved when we had some warm days that you'd see pre-teen children walking along in crop tops and those shorts that are so short you can see their butt cheeks. Our kids are only young but we are both desperate to move before it becomes a real problem.

Someone I work with had the end of their finger ripped off and lost their fingernail and bed when they got their finger trapped in a door with a false nail. They don't know if they will lose the finger past the knuckle if infection sets in.

I loosened up at 14/15 with my dd.
I let her wear makeup at 11 to school but natural, concealer and some mascara. It’s a phase and they look silly with the big eyelashes and tan, my dd is 17 now and does have tan and natural fake (not big) eyelashes when she goes out, but is slowly getting fed up of the work involved and I think she will speed up her routine with time. She looks very perfect and enjoys some of the attention she gets, she gets a lot of unwanted attention too.

How do I know she will simplify things - I was the very same at that age.

for an 11 YEAR OLD!!!

So agree!

I don’t have experience of this but I remember being told not only was I not old enough but as and when I earned nail, make up and high heel money, I will be free to do as I wish. 😂 Sassy Mum

@TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams husband’s approach seems solid too.

I also have an 11yo DD who's very into fashion and makeup etc. She has pocket money that she wastes spends in Claire's and Primark with her friends, but certainly not enough for acrylic nails or anything else semi-permanent.

I buy her normal nail polish and wraps as stocking filler-type presents, and the odd lip gloss or tinted nail balm. She raids my expensive makeup with gay abandon. I've tried to set limits as they've come up in discussion rather than laying down the law and to let her experiment at home. It seems to be working so far. She bought herself some stick-on eyelashes, wore them around the house and came to the conclusion for herself that they were a PITA and looked ridiculous. I've taken her along with me for a manicure with normal polish and the staff at the salon told her she can't have gel polish until she's 16. She asked for a spray tan, I told her what's involved and she decided she didn't want to strip off and wear paper knickers in front of a stranger, or have orange hands, so that was that. I ignore makeup experiments unless she's trying to wear it to school. She's allowed to Veet her legs and has decent skincare and haircare products.

Any time she's asked for something that I feel is too old for her, I've just said that it isn't appropriate for an X year-old but she could try Y instead. E.g. she wants to dye her hair purple but I told her she'd have to bleach it first and that would damage her hair, but she could try it out with hair chalks.

The only thing we've seriously disagreed on is short tops that show her tummy. I've said absolutely not, she's not old enough and what Friend A's parents allow has nothing to do with what I let her wear.

@fleurneige No not for an 11 year old. @Withinthesewalls was commenting in response to a poster saying that my 21 year old DD was high maintenance by having her eyelashes dyed and eyebrows waxed, from time to time. Personally I wax 3/4 weeks and dye my eyelashes 6 weeks. No way would I allow an 11 year old to have false nails or fake eyelashes.

But Withinthesewalls is talking about a 21 year old…

”My 21 year old DD has only started dying her eyelashes and waxing her eye brows as 'she doesn't want to be high maintenance'. I'm all for girls experimenting with makeup and hair dye but not until mid teens.”

I suppose "because false eyelashes look like caterpillars crawling over your face" is probably not diplomatic enough.

I've always just told my DD she is beautiful just the way she is. .. That worked until a formal at 16... Nails, tan, lashes 😂... all temporary, confess all the girls looked great & still quite natural, but stick on nails did look a bit scary.

Chatting to a friend about the one night transformation, she mentioned that the glue for acrylic nails may cause allergies and anaesthesiatists (sp?) (friend's close family member is one) are finding that more and more young women are becoming allergic to something in anaesthetic, but only find out when they are receiving one (which obviously is not ideal!)

More commonly, see link below. So you could go down that line...

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-45129280

I must be old-fashioned as I am shocked at children as young as nine having fake lashes and acrylic nails.

They are really not age appropriate. They are children, as is OP’s daughter.

And they are absolutely noticeable.

No, not if their mum says no.

And I was responding to a post about a 21 year old.

My nieces had acrylic nails at 8 and 10.

My daughter’s asked me a few times why she has to x, when her friends don’t; or why she can’t do y…

Not our business what other people do, I’m just telling you what we do/don’t. Some things don’t need any back and forth 🛑

If you just say not a chance in hell then they’ll be like a dog with a bone. The teenage years are akin to a hostage negotiation and you have to let go of a lot in order to concentrate on the stuff that really matters like drinking, sex etc etc.

I think that’s just par for the course parenting teenagers, and this child isn’t a teen yet.

I think if you let things go too soon they just push the boundary further next time, so I’m inclined to hold the line just now with expensive, high maintenance beauty. I’ll loosen the reins as she gets older but there’s no need for an 11 year old to have fake nails and eyelashes, nor indeed for my 13 year old.

It's a phase. By 12 and 13 they have moved on.
It's painful. But they have to go through it. Don't fight it.
They aren't jail bait. They are just young girls experimenting. Don't make them feel bad.

This made me feel sick. Do people realise the damage it does to the nail bed, and the endocrine changes it causes?

It's bad enough for full grown women, but for kids embarking on puberty, and absolute source of danger and long term hormonal damage and even cancer

INGREDIENTS IN ACRYLIC NAILS & WHY THEY ARE HARMFUL

Acetonitrile- Toxic colorless liquid. Extremely dangerous substance and must be handled with caution. It can cause serious health effects and or even death. Can cause headaches, numbness, weakness, dizziness.

Formaldehyde- Used as a preservative. Can cause respiratory problems such as coughing, bronchitis, chest pains, and wheezing. Can damage the lungs by causing lesions. Can increase your risk of cancer.

Methacrylate Monomers- Form of formaldehyde. Can cause irritation to the skin, eyes, mucus membranes, allergic dermatitis, asthma, liver toxicity, and fertility disturbances.

Methacrylic Acid- ?? - its in acetone nail polish remover can cause skin irritations.....

Phthalates- Can disrupt the hormonal system, which can cause harm during critical periods of development. If you are pregnant do not get acrylic done or prior to pregnancy can harm the baby or cause fetal loss. May cause Breast cancer.

Monomer- Poisonous and harmful substance. Can cause skin allergies , headaches, loss of the nail plate, and loss of sensation to the fingertips. Long term exposure can cause permanent damage to the nail technicians respiratory system and liver.

My daughter is nearly 12 and sports mad. The nail thing isn’t an issue (as she wouldn’t be allowed to play netball with them). She is happiest in a football kit/sports gear. But… she loves a little bit of makeup on a weekend and on special occasions subtle false lashes. I have absolutely no problem with this… she’s experimenting and she is doing it for herself as she enjoys practising (she’s actually better than me at applying it). I think with guidance and openness you can strike a balance.

also…big tip is an eyelash curler! My girl loves hers, gets the look she wants but it’s incredibly natural!

False eyelash glue can block tear ducts and cause eye infections because bacteria grow on the glue. I think it's OK to tell an eleven year old that as a parent you get to make decisions that might have health implications. Letting her experiment with mascara is a compromise and she can practice taking it off properly too.

Parenting teens is a tightrope act. I know exactly how you feel about trying to be diplomatic and not offend other parents.

Mine is now 13.
She’s had the stick on nails and this Xmas I did her nails myself with gels as I have the kit at home. They both damaged her nails and she’s not been in a rush to do it again.
Same goes for the eyelashes. I have her some stick ons for this Xmas for the first time. She tried them with some success but was quickly fed up of them and hated the removal process. Not tried them since.
A the end of day I’m not interested in what other kids parents agree to SHE is MY child so I will decide what I consider to be an appropriate time for her to try these things.
Anything that’s costly like real lashes or acrylics are a big fat no! Her school is pretty strict also.