What to do about new estate we’ve moved to?

[Applepastry]

We’ve recently moved to a new build estate. It’s directly next door to a council estate (no issues with this as my mum was brought up on one and lots of my friends were and are from council estates. Everyone seems friendly enough.
My main concern is that all the kids play out in the street, I totally understand with the ones who are 7 or 8 +
However there are 4 and 5 year olds playing out alone, without any adult supervision at all. My DS is 5 and he doesn’t have older siblings. These children will often come and knock for him and he asks to play out with them when he sees them all out on the street. I have been going out with him, but he asks why I have to go, when none of the other parents do.
They all wander up towards the park which is around a corner and you can’t see it from the estate. When I’ve been up there, it extends quite far and joins on a stream and woodland. I’m not comfortable with my 5 year old going up there out of my sight.
Other parents don’t seem bothered and just say “Oh I wonder where G is…he must be at the park”

I’m not a helicopter parent, but AIBU about 4 and 5 year olds (one was 3) being out in the streets by themselves? Some wandering in and out of other houses and into the road?

I just don’t know what to do about my DS as he’s keen to be accepted in this new area and wants to play out with them. He’ll definitely stand out with me or his dad hanging around.

I would not be happy with that.

Are you sure the older ones aren’t big siblings watching the little ones? It is tricky. You may have to just tell your DC that it’s playing out with mum watching, or staying in.

I would not have let my kids go out alone at that age.If something happened you would never forgive yourself.BTW when my kinds were young in the 70s I had the same problem on my estate,never,never were they allowed out of the garden to roam the streets..

Big siblings or not 7-8yr olds are too young to be responsible for younger ones.

@pickledandpuzzled One 4 year old was out with his 6 year old sister. But I still don’t think 6 is old enough to supervise.

They're too young to be unsupervised. My line used to be "I'm not in charge of them but I'm in charge of you. And there will be some things you're allowed to do that they aren't"

YABU for mentioning that it's next to a council estate. My concerns are the same whether it's council or not

Ultimately you need to do what is right to keep your dc safe. But I can understand you don't want to prevent your dc fitting in. Can you have an open house when it's convenient to, and have all the kids in to yours?

My gut instinct tells me not to, but I feel awful that my son is missing out on local friendships and he sees them all playing outside together and gets upset that he can’t join them. As I said he’s an only child, so no siblings to keep him occupied either.

@Curlewwoohoo

I don’t mind the open house thing, but next door said she did that during the summer (her kids are older) and the local children would come in and out all day, asking for food, messing up her kid’s toys in their bedroom, scribbling in their books etc. so I’m a bit hesitant.

At a guess they probably all know each other. So the 4 year old might not just have a 6 year old sibling, but also their parents friends kids who might be a bit older.

Not saying I agree with it, but that's how it seems to be around here anyway!

Your gut instinct is right. Not sure how you would word it to your child without "accusing" the other parents of neglect which your child might tell the other children in passing, ie my mum says I can't because...

Jamie Bulger was only little and his killers were only ten.
Those children who died at the frozen lake were all under 12 with one supervising his younger brother iirc.

It's not worth it.

Takes me back to when I was a kid and we’d all play out, including the toddler from over the road who was carted around with us everywhere.

I wouldn’t let mine do it nowadays, although I feel sad as some of my fondest memories are the endless wide games and playing out until the streetlamps came on.

I was allowed to as a very young child, but I'd not my kids do it. I'm not convinced we was safe personally

When you see the news and you see that kids have gone missing you think 'God how in the hell has that happened!?'

Then you are reminded that some people let their 4, 5, and 6 year olds roam the bloody streets and suddenly it's clear how it happened.

Id say no way
to the kids calling id just say no thankyou but maybe if one or two of them is a similar age invite them to play in yr garden .
yes you may end up doing childcare for several kids - i used to do similar - and sometimes it felt too much - but the point was dc were having peers round and I also knew dc safe .. so that had to be the deal .
maybe over time you could facebook mesage/ get to know parents?
As for fears re summer - you will have to perhaps establish tight boundaries.

Of course you can't let a 5 year old play out alone - however much they want to.

You could have asked this question without saying you live next door to a council estate - why is that relevant?

A few came round to play on the trampoline in the garden and then after half an hour decided they’d had enough and ran back down to the park, of course my DS was asked to go with them and desperately wanted to. I went with him, but he kept saying “Mummy, can you go home so I can be with my friends” “The others don’t have their mummy here, so why do I have to?”

Exactly, I don’t want to accuse anybody of neglect. It’s so tricky.

@Hedgerow2 Because it’s mostly the council estate kids playing out. The majority of the new build estate is couples without kids (older people mostly).

I'm struggling to see why the council estate has anything to do with this OP.

Without knowing the type of neighbourhood you live in/street layout it's impossible to say.

My youngest DC were out playing from 3YO. At that age I'd often be sat on the step outside with constant monitoring. As they got older I would watch them from indoors but we live on a cul-de-sac.

One of the parents said she’d had the police called on her because her 4 year old was out on his own with no adults to be seen. Apparently she told them he was out with older kids (6 and 7 year olds) and they said it was fine and left.

But private/council - why is it relevant? You could just say your ds wants to play out with local kids. And omitted the stuff about not having anything against council estates.

Playing out on in friends' gardens or with those friends on the street in front of your house and staying within spitting distance of your house, where you can see them from your living room window, is not letting them roam the streets and leaving them completely unsupervised. My dc played out from about 5 or so with the kids from next door on both sides and from over the road and it has always been fine.

Why the need to mention council housing?

I would be happy with my 5 year old playing out in front of my house with me keeping an eye even from the house - this isn’t unsupervised and it’s good for them.

Not a hope in hell would I let them go to a park with a stream backing on to woodland. I would say he can play out when you are there to see - you don’t need to be right over him. At 5 he probably won’t mind. My kids are the only ones that have to wear a helmet on our street and they just get over it now.

I'd let him play outside without you with strict boundaries (which would be where I could see out of the window). Then he doesn't feel like you are watching him - but you are!