What to do about new estate we’ve moved to?

[Applepastry]

We’ve recently moved to a new build estate. It’s directly next door to a council estate (no issues with this as my mum was brought up on one and lots of my friends were and are from council estates. Everyone seems friendly enough.
My main concern is that all the kids play out in the street, I totally understand with the ones who are 7 or 8 +
However there are 4 and 5 year olds playing out alone, without any adult supervision at all. My DS is 5 and he doesn’t have older siblings. These children will often come and knock for him and he asks to play out with them when he sees them all out on the street. I have been going out with him, but he asks why I have to go, when none of the other parents do.
They all wander up towards the park which is around a corner and you can’t see it from the estate. When I’ve been up there, it extends quite far and joins on a stream and woodland. I’m not comfortable with my 5 year old going up there out of my sight.
Other parents don’t seem bothered and just say “Oh I wonder where G is…he must be at the park”

I’m not a helicopter parent, but AIBU about 4 and 5 year olds (one was 3) being out in the streets by themselves? Some wandering in and out of other houses and into the road?

I just don’t know what to do about my DS as he’s keen to be accepted in this new area and wants to play out with them. He’ll definitely stand out with me or his dad hanging around.

Good lesson in not giving in to peer pressure

But again what relevance is it that they come from a council estate. Your question is relevant regardless of where they come from

A 5 year old from a council estate is just as vulnerable as one in a posh estate

There's really no need in this scenario to mention the housing

From experience, children from council estates are more streetwise than children from non-council estates. Parenting styles are different also.

When I was a kid, I would play out as young as 5/6 whilst parents were in the pub and it still happens today. I don’t have children, but if I did I wouldn’t be comfortable with them being unsupervised so young.

Maybe council estates have changed since I lived on one as a kid, but there was a clear difference who was a council kid and who wasn’t. So maybe that what OP is trying to explain.

I am assuming a lot of the families in the council estate have been round the area for ages and went to school together, possibly even are related. This will give them a different perspective to an "outsider".

And the mention of the council estate was for what reason ? I notice you are quick to tell us that your Mum was from one and you even had council estate friends. Maybe it was so we know you are a far superior kind of parent ?

No, it was similar to what @FlissyPaps said. I’m not superior in any way.
It was more about how they seem much more streetwise in that sense.

This is tricky TBH ,I understand that you would not want your DS out to play.Have you spoken to any other parents ? Maybe some arent so happy anout it either .

Gosh that’s really unusual! I was born in the 70s - every kid on our estate played out without their parents 😳

When I was a kid we all played out in the streets, our parents had no idea where we were and nobody had a mobile phone. The sky didn't fall in.

NotquiteNorma We also played out .However we were within view of our house .OP says she cannot see there ,also world a bit different to then

Same thing happens on our estate. We also live near a very busy main road and children are constantly running into the road to retrieve balls. It's really frightening and I know one one these days something awful is going to happen.

Had this situation when mine were little. I just didn't allow them out, like it or lump it, I'm afraid. I had two though and I remember saying, "that's what X is for!" lol! They did have kids come to play in our back garden sometimes.

I think that's far too young.

I would nip this in the bud now. Kids that are out alone at 4 will almost certainly be in some trouble by 14. Just explain to your child that it is dangerous for him to be alone at this age and that just because other parents choose to do it it's not ok. Get school friends around for play dates, do after school clubs so he mixes lots socially.

No, no, no x 1000 times...

I would not be able to relax for a moment. Your DC is far too young to out by himself. Children may have played out at early age years ago, but times have changed now... How many 5 / 6 year olds do you know who walk to school by themselves? this was also the norm in the past....

Could people stop being total virtue signallers.

i lived on a council estate till i was 24 no chance are my kids (I’m 45) are joining in with that now. Why drugs?

things have changed a lot in twenty years.

OP didn't need to mention council estates, we all knew the kids would be from one didn't we?

Kids do need a bit of freedom, but 5 year olds going away to a park beside woodland and running in and out of neighbours houses is a recipe for a sexual assault against a child.

OP preDC I lived on a street where this was totally normal and in fact the children were 3-4 playing out together without older children or adult supervision. It felt like shit lazy parenting then and now I have my own DC I would never in a million years allow it. Too much could go wrong, accidents, cars, older children who’ve been exposed to inappropriate things, all sorts.

I wouldn’t encourage them round my house either, if they don’t behave (which they probably won’t since they are used to being unsupervised) you then end up bringing problems to the parents and I’d bet my mortgage that’s a road to nowhere and will only bring you trouble.

My only advice is to discourage it and stop feeling guilty about your son being an only child. Supervising these children is not your problem and you cannot keep your son safe while he’s out with them, therefore he can’t go. Set up some play days with other kids and keep him busy.

Some children played out when I was a child in the 70’s others weren’t allowed to 💁🏻‍♀️
We weren’t, no harm done. I’ve been in social situations as an adult when someone starts reminiscing about the olden days and playing out. It always leads to recollections of flashers, car accidents, being trapped in a lift shaft and worse. Follow your instincts.

If you can't say no to a five year old, good luck when they're teenagers!

Who is the parent?

It's irrelevant what other parents do, where they live or who they're happy to look after their children.

You make it sound like a five year old is entitled to an opinion of safety rules?

It's exactly the same in my area. We tell our infant-age children that they can't go out. They've asked why they can't play out a lot of times; I just reiterate that parents do different things, and I prefer to know where they are in case an accident happens. It's similar to what I say when ask if they can drink coke or have ice cream for breakfast just because so-and-so does.

I grew up on a council estate and our house backs on to one now. The children play out with no supervision from about 3 here, swearing like troopers and booting balls at cars with no comeback. I'm sure that happens on posh estates though!

This has disaster written all over it, such as abduction, drowning in stream or getting lost in woodland. April Jones sprang to mind

Keep supervising your dc and try to encourage him to do other activities.

I also think this is neglect and I don’t think anyone could argue it isn’t.
Reflective of the very low safeguarding threashold rather than any kind of decent parenting.

I'd allow it in stages, so for now allow him out the front where you can see him or a friend's garden/,house that you allow him too, as he gets older and you know more kids the boundary gets wider.
I personally wouldn't let him go to the park with them for a little while.
When a bunch of kids are all together they are pretty safe from strangers etc but it only takes a minor scuffle and ones walking home alone, or one too adventurous kid and someone gets hurt. At five he won't have the skills to negotiate or see the dangers.

And the whole family of children drowned under the ice!