What to do about new estate we’ve moved to?

[Applepastry]

We’ve recently moved to a new build estate. It’s directly next door to a council estate (no issues with this as my mum was brought up on one and lots of my friends were and are from council estates. Everyone seems friendly enough.
My main concern is that all the kids play out in the street, I totally understand with the ones who are 7 or 8 +
However there are 4 and 5 year olds playing out alone, without any adult supervision at all. My DS is 5 and he doesn’t have older siblings. These children will often come and knock for him and he asks to play out with them when he sees them all out on the street. I have been going out with him, but he asks why I have to go, when none of the other parents do.
They all wander up towards the park which is around a corner and you can’t see it from the estate. When I’ve been up there, it extends quite far and joins on a stream and woodland. I’m not comfortable with my 5 year old going up there out of my sight.
Other parents don’t seem bothered and just say “Oh I wonder where G is…he must be at the park”

I’m not a helicopter parent, but AIBU about 4 and 5 year olds (one was 3) being out in the streets by themselves? Some wandering in and out of other houses and into the road?

I just don’t know what to do about my DS as he’s keen to be accepted in this new area and wants to play out with them. He’ll definitely stand out with me or his dad hanging around.

I agree that people are virtue signalling about council estates. I'm from one, my best friend still lives there. She doesn't let her children play out.

I moved into my home when dd was 6 and instantly she was allowed to play out. we had only lived in a flat before and like OP it was a new build estate so all these new kids moving in trying to get to know each other. However I did make strict boundaries that she had to remain in the close and I would watch from the kitchen window. I feel like this is the perfect opportunity to start allowing your ds some freedom and independence but responsibility too. Ie play directly outside the house for now where he is always visible. Or insist on supervising but occasionally pop home for 5 or so minutes to get a cuppa or loo break etc. slowly build up him having a little time outside on his own

I have an 8 and a 6 yr old. No way in a million years would I let them out unsupervised - and we live on an estate with cul de sacs.

kids that age don’t have the ability to assess risk. They do stuff without thinking. A ball goes into the road and they go to retrieve without thinking. An older child says let’s go to the shop and off they go.

I live in the West Midlands - and the 4 boys in Solihull who died in the lake is literally very close to home. They were just kicking a ball about outside, playing having fun, and just through playing they got closer to the lake, well we all know the rest.

Kids that age aren’t responsible for doing a risk assessment on their fun. Because they are children. Things happen. That’s why they are called accidents
its my responsibility as a parent and an adult.

This is how my childhood was - I was 4 when I was allowed out to play and one of our group was 3.

So I guess I'm normalized to this and thought it's normal? We never got into any trouble and got lots of exercise.

If you're really uncomfortable with it then just stop him - I wouldn't go out and watch though as you might make him a target for bullying

I think we’re on the same side, I misinterpreted your post. No need for the swearing.

I think 7 and 8 is too young, and certainly too young to be ‘in charge’ of siblings. Holly and Jessica were 10….. and there’s far too many kids gone missing. And a stream and woodland out of sight! No way!

@pensione thanks for the apology for accusing me of laughing at the death of children......and then you go on to "tell me off" because you decide I've got the ages wrong, but again you are wrong, so an apology for that?

Oh hang on you didn't!

How would you feel if I accused you of such a thing? Yes I'll swear at that! How fucking dare you accuse me of that! It's vile!

We hear more about disasters like the poor lads on the ice, or the rip tide at the beach.

Because we hear more doesn't necessarily mean these events happen more frequently, with today's parenting I would suggest they possibly happen less often. There was/is a notorious place called the Blue Lagoon near Bolton and every Summer there would be at least one drowning there that never made the national news. With modern communications everything is known widely and people become unnecessarily nervous.

I live on an estate. I don’t let my 7 nearly 8 year old play out alone because I’m not a shit parent. Who cares what others are up to, your job is to keep your child safe and you have many more years ahead of you to do that. My kids will get their independence when they go to secondary school.

Independence at 6!!?? At infant school age!! Bonkers.

I explained it was a misunderstanding. I thought you were making a joke out of it by the use of your exclamation mark.

Will not get worse as the nights get lighter and warmer weather arrives. and school hols

i had this, my 4 year old constantly wanted to be out with them, in the end i moved away to a rural house XD

I couldnt stand the constant knocking and the dramas/fall outs! and parents jsut leaving 3 year olds to wander about by themselves

@pensione well you were wrong and wrong about the ages of the boys that drowned!

It was actually a highly relevant post about a child age 6, being looked after by an older sibling.

I presume you don't like being wrong and apologising for causing upset?

I like this reply. I do think children's shrinking "range" is a problem, and it's also true that they need supervision to stay safe.

As you're able to go out with him, @Applepastry, you could give him a choice between playing under Mummy's watchful eye or not going out!

Btw, I don't suppose any of the other mums would be up for a sandwich and a g&t cuppa in the park with you?

Hmmm I grew up in a rural village and all us kids (aged about 10 -12) used to lark around together in the village square, hang out at the bus stop over the road (this was rural France back in the 90’s.) We were out mucking around until quite late some evenings. We did get up to some mischief sometimes but none of us ever came to any trouble. But it was, I repeat, very very rural - a farming community. Quite safe. Probably not the same as here in England.

I didn’t give the ages of the boys. If you keep using swear words you can’t expect an apology.

This happened on my none council estate. Four bed detached houses Cul de sac. I went out too.

I’d not be comfortable with my 5 year old going off out of my sight either. I’d tell him that I don’t feel happy about him going out of sight and he’s too young, sorry kid.

Your previous posts did have swearing. You’ve blown up a simple misunderstanding into drama for your own purposes.

I have a 5 year old and wouldn't allow this. If that makes him/me unpopular, then so be it. It's not worth the risk.

Oh and it was four boys that drown....not 3!