What to do about new estate we’ve moved to?

[Applepastry]

We’ve recently moved to a new build estate. It’s directly next door to a council estate (no issues with this as my mum was brought up on one and lots of my friends were and are from council estates. Everyone seems friendly enough.
My main concern is that all the kids play out in the street, I totally understand with the ones who are 7 or 8 +
However there are 4 and 5 year olds playing out alone, without any adult supervision at all. My DS is 5 and he doesn’t have older siblings. These children will often come and knock for him and he asks to play out with them when he sees them all out on the street. I have been going out with him, but he asks why I have to go, when none of the other parents do.
They all wander up towards the park which is around a corner and you can’t see it from the estate. When I’ve been up there, it extends quite far and joins on a stream and woodland. I’m not comfortable with my 5 year old going up there out of my sight.
Other parents don’t seem bothered and just say “Oh I wonder where G is…he must be at the park”

I’m not a helicopter parent, but AIBU about 4 and 5 year olds (one was 3) being out in the streets by themselves? Some wandering in and out of other houses and into the road?

I just don’t know what to do about my DS as he’s keen to be accepted in this new area and wants to play out with them. He’ll definitely stand out with me or his dad hanging around.

I played out as a child in the 80s, my children were not allowed even though we had a little playground behind the house.

What does that even mean? What are the differences?

Lovely bit of victim blaming 👏 👏

I also fail to see why you had to distinguish between your 'estate' and the council one.

There is a growing body of evidence that parents failure to accurately risk assess is resulting in anxiety ridden children who fail to flourish.

It sounds idyllic in theory - isn’t it how we’d all love life to be ? But I get the caution, I wouldn’t let them go either tbh. Not until older.

Not particularly funny, given the 3 boys who drowned in an icy lake last winter. Those boys were around 10. These kids are 4 and 5 yos and even more vulnerable in age.

It’s not victim blaming to say 4 and 5yo kids need to be supervised. Kids that young can’t make decisions in their best interests.

My son wants sweets on the way home from nursery because his mate gets them…

But unluckily for him, he’s got me as a mum picking him up instead of his mate’s Dad!

Just say no and explain to him all the lovely things that he gets that his friends might not.

My son’s is Milkshake Mondays with his Dad. His little nursery mate doesn’t get that now does he? 😂

How many people on here are seriously going to agree that 3-5 year olds should be running the streets, crossing roads and going to parks with streams? There is no real question here. You are not in a quandary about what's right.
Your post is literally about slagging off council estate kids, why dress it up as an AIBU?

Oh that is mega hard maybe try and be out when they visit. My mum let me play out when I was five I went missing (police called and picked up by an neighbour) and also smashed my head open. It is far too young to be out on their own without an adult. Too many horrible people and cars about my DS is nine and it’s still a no!

From my experience: on the council estate I lived on, parents didn’t care where their kids were playing out. They would be in the pub, whilst we at 5+yo would roam the streets and the local park. This was the 90’s, Yorkshire ex-mining village and was just how it was. We were still loved and cared for. We were just more streetwise. Could handle ourselves. The community was tight-knit, people looked after each other. There were no neighbour or parking wars.

The parents from neighbouring and more affluent suburbs would look down on us and our families. They wouldn’t dream of letting their young kids roam the streets of their area. The roads were more busy, businesses were running. On our estate it was just houses, a pub and 1 shop.

I guess you’d only really understand if you experienced it yourself.

I was sent to the shop on errands when I was just 5 - in the mid 60s ! And was walking to school crossing a busy road at 6 - it was common - these days my parents would have been done for neglect - by 8 I was out for hours every day in the holidays !!

@Applepastry ignore the passive aggressive posts about why mention council estate.

They do similar if they are on benefits and one agrees with the gov that they are healthy etc and need to find work or better paying jobs and not be reliant on 'top ups' etc or lose the benefits.

Only on MN!

I can’t imagine OP wants to slag off 4 and 5yos who just want to knock on her door for her son and to play.

I think it really depends on the area because I grew up on a council estate in London and no kids played out by themselves who were that young.

In fact there was one girl who all the other mums would take in and feed because they were worried about her being out so young…

50 years ago, at the age of 7, meant spent her summer hitching rides from lorry drivers with a similar aged friend. No harm came to them... would you be happy with your children doing that?

It doesn't matter what happened 40, 20 10 or 2 years ago. The world has changed. More traffic. Easier access for abductions etc (due to more cars). We hear more about disasters like the poor lads on the ice, or the rip tide at the beach.

5yos shouldn't be near a stream unsupervised. Nor 8yos... more likely to do silly things like trying to jump and fall in.

@pensione where the fuck did I say it was funny! How fucking dare you make out I did! My point was that accidents happen to unsupervised children!

And the youngest was six and being "supervised" by his cousin, so very bloody relevant to the situation.

At least get your facts straight before you start posting!

Where I teach, it's just 4 year olds out with older, silly kids. There is absolutely no adult supervision and every few weeks the older ones get into bother. I've got a 6 and 4 year old and can't begin to imagine letting them play out like that. Some parents are strict about not letting even their Y6 children play out which must be very hard when there's so much peer pressure in the area. It's also an area where they are home a lot as lots don't have cars and the bus service is rubbish (rural area, not a lot to do).

Why do you feel awful? In my own experience as a child protection social worker and parent to a 15 year old DD, local friendships can often prove to be a nightmare especially when you and the other child's carer have different parenting values/ safeguarding boundaries.

It gets harder as the children get older to reaffirm your boundaries when "local friends" are in your house/ at your door frequently .

In my honest opinion I would keep your child out of all unsupervised play at 5 and pick and choose the social interactions he has via play dates/ park dates

Oh my lord no no no, I'm shocked at how many are saying no problem.

I wouldn't give a shjt if my kids cried for a week, a month or a year, no chance and we live on a council estate not that that makes a blind bit of difference.

The voice of reason!

This is not true. She is lying .The police would not be allowed to do this

I think you need to educate yourself on safe age appropriate boundaries for children in the community

This 👏

There was a high amount of child sexual abuse that went under the radar though

Absolutely wouldn't let my dc. Older kids can supervise to an extent, but can also expose younger children to all sorts of inappropriate things. Not necessarily abuse, but swearing , smoking etc.

I wouldn’t let my 5 year old out unsupervised. They are not able to assess risk so without the possibility of grooming from adults or older peers there is the risk of injury from road traffic accidents or not assessing how fast the swing is going and running past it for example.
I would also contact the local PCSO’s to discuss the unsupervised young children in the park out of sight. I work in health safeguarding though so I see the worst and am perhaps over zealous. 😥