To expect DH to not go to football training?

[mrsfruitloop]

I have a tummy tuck consultation on Friday and DS has football training (DH is an assistant coach) all of the consultations are on a Friday so it means I will never be able to go. DH is refusing to miss any training days to allow me to go to the consultation.

He won’t let my mum come and babysit the kids either as he doesn’t want her at our house apparently.

I feel like he is just doing to to stop me from going! He keeps saying it’s a waste of money and I should be spending it on the kids and our family not myself.

Surgery is definitely off the cards then. Op will need the money to find somewhere to live and pay maintenance

He's right about the money. It seems like the two of you can't communicate given that you are totally ignoring his concerns and he is being a dick about the consultation. Maybe pause and have a more productive discussion about the money, first.

Does she drive? Seems strange to not drive home it’s only an hour

Sounds like he doesn't want you to get the tummy tuck because he wants to keep you unhappy with your body, fear of leaving. You're the breadwinner, he pisses about in part time job while racking up debts and tries to ban family in your home. What exactly are his redeeming qualities because he sounds like a fucking loser.

You can't call it his debt when it's joint. I think he's right, why should he cancel his obligations so you can go and spend money on cosmetic surgery? I also think he's entitled to not have guests staying over in his home if he doesn't want that either

If it's a joint debt you really should be paying that off first

Is it a medically recommended procedure after severe weight loss or purely cosmetic?

He sounds a bit controlling but also the drip feed about it being joint debt and him working evenings so he can do child care and support you in your career didn't help!

Is there an option for him to swap and become the main breadwinner and you do childcare?

Sounds like he should get a full time job so he can be financially independent since his contribution is not appreciated.

The same advice given to sahm regularly.

It's your house too, just tell him your mum's staying

Got it in one. In fact he’s a right lazy selfish fucking cunt.

He's sabotaging you.

Can he actually stop you going? Just go and leave him to it.

As a low earner he has minimal bargaining power here, I'm not sure why you'd let this guy tell you what to do.

He's being a controlling nob. Ask your mum to come look after the kids. Tell him she has to becuase you can't rely on your husband to help you do setting for yourself.

Stand up for yourself, he will either fall in line and realise he doesn't control you or escalate his behaviours to force you back under him, and then you've seen his true colours so you leave him and you get to do what makes you happy withoutsomeone trying to stop you. Win-win.

Read your initial OP and thought your DH was being massively unreasonable but after your updates it reads a little differently.

Try reversing it:

Woman is a SAHM to a 1yr and does schools runs / afterschool with 2 DC.

She works an evening job 3 days a week to bring in some more money. Her DH dictates that this money should go to paying off their joint credit card debt they acquired together years before.

Her DH works full-time, saves money from this job (which is only possible because his wife is a SAHP so no childcare costs). He decides to spend £5k on a cosmetic procedure for himself.

Not only that, but he demands that his wife gives up her weekly sport so he can travel for appoints for the cosmetic surgery. Or he states MIL will be staying the night to look after them, eating into their weekend together.

There would likely be advice to get ducks in a row, talk of financial abuse, ltb etc...

If you resent your DH not working then talk about alternatives together. If you've both agreed he should stay home for now then it's time to put all money in the family pot - yours and his. Then work out a budget inc paying off all debts from this joint money and decide how much to save/spit between each off you when all outgoings have been covered. If not, it sounds like the power imbalance in your relationship will only end one way.

Can't wait to see you post the same thing on a SAHM thread.

Although, perhaps you already do...

So it's not actually his debt? You have really misrepresented the situation. This is a joint debt, and he has every right to think that clearing your joint debts should be a higher priority.

The thing is though as I said previously he doesn’t want to work full time he can pick up overtime if he wants and he never does. That isn’t financial abuse. We go on holiday’s I pay for all bills food shopping days out. All he has to cover is the credit card. I have said many times I am happy to put DS in nursery if he wants to go back to his career. He doesn’t want too!!!

He spends most of his days doing what he wants! He doesn’t want to work full time.

I’ve had 3 C-sections and been left with a horrible hanging over stomach which is disgusting it get’s smelly and makes me look funny in all my clothes. I refuse to live with it anymore! I’m in my late twenties I shouldn’t be living like this.

"He has some debts"

Given that the above post is an outright lie, I wonder what else you're not saying...

If your stomach gets smelly you have a hygiene problem that surgery won't fix

Op if your stomach is that bad and causing you significant distress you may be able to get it tucked on the Nhs.

Go straight from work up to him how he sorts the kids
Unfortunately you made the mistake of asking
would of thought he could of taken kids with him

Throw the whole man away and live your best life.

Bigger problem. You will need someone to look after you and do everything for at least 3 -6 weeks post op and it doesn't sound like you can rely on him. The recovery is very very tough.

It’s got nothing to do with a hygiene problem I wash twice a day. I’ve even been putting deodorant on it to stop the sweating.

I have a stressful job up and down all over the place all the time. My belly is covering it! Of course it is going to sweat.

Just arrange your mum to come and go. Its quite simple. Men expect us to screw out bodies having kids. We have to right to correct them. Do what you need. If he isn't supportive I'd be looking at an alternative to him.

Tough shit!

Is he controlling or abusive is other ways?

He can get a full time job and pay the debt off himself. What a cheeky bastard. Do you want to stay in this relationship?