To expect DH to not go to football training?

[mrsfruitloop]

I have a tummy tuck consultation on Friday and DS has football training (DH is an assistant coach) all of the consultations are on a Friday so it means I will never be able to go. DH is refusing to miss any training days to allow me to go to the consultation.

He won’t let my mum come and babysit the kids either as he doesn’t want her at our house apparently.

I feel like he is just doing to to stop me from going! He keeps saying it’s a waste of money and I should be spending it on the kids and our family not myself.

He takes care of your child all day, then has to work around your schedule, and you are saying he should be picking up more hours. He is then tasked with paying off joint debt. I would really like to see his side of this story.

if you really doesn’t treat you well, then leave. We aren’t there seeing the day to day. It’s such a common scenario though, of the sahp, pressured to find money around the breadwinners work and growing justifiably resentful, that it is hard not to be skeptical.

even though the debt was accrued when they were together, what was the money spent on, stuff for him or stuff for the family?

She has literally said that she had a part in running up the debt. So it was spent for the benefit of both of them.

She didn't lie. The debt is in his name. The payment plan is his.

She clarified that the debt was run up when they were together.

If he usually looks after the children and he doesn't want to, that's fine, but he can't then say your Mum can't do it either. That's unreasonable.

On the tummy tuck - your body has been impacted by pregnancy and childbirth. His hasn't. So it's unsurprising that he doesn't care about it, but it's also selfish.

Get your mum down, and get your tummy tuck appointment done.

If the credit card is zero percent there's no great hurry to pay it off. I agree that if he keeps all his earnings, he should pay-off some of it, but maybe not all. What are his child and house care like? If he does all thr housework and childcare you should consider that as a controbution.

He is bang out of order expecting you to hand over your tummy tuck money, though, because the sooner you can have that done the sooner you will be fit and comfortable again.

There's another thread where OP is paying off a joint debt. When probed, the debt was things like Deliveroos that he ordered and she didn't want but still feels obliged to pay for.

So it's not clear cut that it was for the benefit of the family.

She did lie, she framed it as his debt that he ran up himself then later drip fed that it was a joint debt on a card in his name...

But that could go in both directions couldn't it? Maybe only the DH was behind it, or maybe only the OP was.

She didn't say 'he ran it up himself'. Stop lying.

You can give her the benefit of the doubt all you like, but I think it's pretty obvious that she knew exactly what she was saying when she described it as "his debt". She knowingly misrepresented it in order to get the responses she wanted.

This is a man who has given up work, refuses to get a job and does what he wants to during the day. I take that to mean he does the bare minimum childcare and leaves the housework to OP.

OP also says He speaks to me and treats me like shit now.

If she didn't frame it like that - why have dozens of posters understood it to mean exactly that? They're not stupid or imagining things - they have reacted to what her post said.

Yeah, the marriage has very obviously broken down. Like I said, I think they should split.

(I would also talk to my spouse like shit if they were going round implying that I had run up significant debts, when actually they were equally responsible.)

FFS she clarified within 5 minutes that the debt is from when they were together and she played a part.

How many responses do you think she was going to get within 5 minutes?

Logic has flown out of the window with people determined to vilify the OP.

Sounds like you and her DH would get on.

Did you miss that she clarified within 5 MINUTES? She didn't clarify 5 days later did she?

But the thread has ended up being dominated by people saying that she shouldn't have to pay his debts.

So in answer to your question - lots of replies. Lots and lots. Despite the fact that she later admitted the truth.

Well, op sounds pretty determined to me to get that tuck and do something for herself.

you go girl! 😊

And you’re blaming Op for people not reading RTFT? Why?

No, I'm blaming her for her post where she completely misrepresents the situation. Which is no-one's fault but her own. OP is long gone though - it wouldn't surprise me at all if the thread is a set up to show that MN is a man-hating dumpster fire. There are other forums that set such threads up for entertainment.

OK semantics, she called it his debt. Same thing

He has got a job .....

He has a job, cares for a one year old full time whilst doing the school runs for the older DC, like other SAHP do

I've not seen any threads where a woman whose baby is 1 years old and the couple have debt, but people still tell her that it's perfectly ok that her husband spends his money on cosmetic surgery either.

In those circumstances people say the priority is the debt and the family.

He works. He has paid employment 3 evenings per week and works as a full time dad to a 1 year old as well as the school runs etc. I'm not sure that's bare minimum' Oh and his football training is helping run a children's team, not playing himself. I think this man is a massive contributor to the household.

In terms of housework, well, if we dare suggest a SAHM should be responsible for all the housework there would be hell to pay. OP, perhaps you could clarify? Does he keep a tidy house and cook dinner in between meeting the constant needs of a 1YO, the school runs and 'life admin'? If he does, well he's doing bloody well. If not, perhaps if his genitalia were different, OP should hire a cleaner as per the suggestion on SAHM threads?

If he treats her badly, as OP has suggested, then that is a different issue altogether and needs to be addressed. But he does sound undervalued and the imbalanced finances would often be described as financial abuse.

I can also understand his reluctance to have MIL stay over. I would suggest putting up with her would be more than outweighed by the help she'd provide him from a childcare perspective, but until I walk a mile in his moccasins its impossible for me to make a decent comment on the dynamics.

Generally on threads about SAHMs they are told that as they are home most of the day they should do most of the housework and for the partner to share tasks equally on the weekends.

Whereas here OP says this man does whatever he wants to do.

Plus he talks to her like shit and treats her like shit.