To expect DH to not go to football training?

[mrsfruitloop]

I have a tummy tuck consultation on Friday and DS has football training (DH is an assistant coach) all of the consultations are on a Friday so it means I will never be able to go. DH is refusing to miss any training days to allow me to go to the consultation.

He won’t let my mum come and babysit the kids either as he doesn’t want her at our house apparently.

I feel like he is just doing to to stop me from going! He keeps saying it’s a waste of money and I should be spending it on the kids and our family not myself.

I wonder when the OP returned to work after maternity leave, as baby is only one year old - so Daddy has not been the sole care giver for very long
and it appears he chooses to only work 3 eves a week

This guy sounds like a hero to me. Provides full time childcare for 3 kids, works 3 evenings a week and on the one evening he has to scratch his arse, he gives it up to help run a children’s football team. If this was a mother we’d be campaigning to the Vatican to canonise her.

If I see another poster say it’s his debt after the updates I’ll bloody scream.

Tbf he’s doing what a million mums do, so hero is a bit much

certainly no need for the LTB brigade to castigate him though

There is an update stating that it is joint debt.

OP's not happy in the relationship and would prefer dc to be in nursery.

So it's likely he's a shit SAHD and no hero.

Millions of mums are hero’s in my eyes. And so is this dad.

I think that OPs wish for a tuck is fair. But they need to work together to work how they balance it with debts and their lifestyle, not minimise his role as a SAHD and pretend joint debts are his doing but joint assets are her doing.

@Untethered what makes you think he's a shit stay at home dad?

We know that OP is a liar though.

She says she’s unhappy, granted. But the facts are that he has a lifestyle that is praised on here when it’s a mum, and consensus is that higher earning spouse produces family money not pocket money for themselves.

His problem is not ya mum coming round, it is you having the surgery and spending the money. You work full time and deserve to do something for yourself. Did he consult you whilst racking up debts - I expect he didn't !!

He needs to shut the feck up and carry on doing his football stuff whilst your mum sorts out the kids and stays the night

DH is behaving like a muppet.

A quick perusal of MN will reveal how many men think their SAHM wives should work. Generally it's money or control related and nothing to do with how good they are as a parent.

OP's posts have been all about money and not a lot about how good her DH is as a parent.

Did he consult you whilst racking up debts - I expect he didn't !!

If you cba to read the whole thread, at least read all the OP's posts. He didn't rack up the debt himself - they did it jointly. The OP has admitted that she is also responsible for the debt.

It's joint debt on a card in his name, how are so many people missing this and wrongly bashing the poor bloke?!

I'd tell him it's absolutely simple. He has 2 choices.

1 - miss his precious football
2 - has his MIL as an overnight guest

If you need the appointment, go.

I dont understand this when people on here say their husband/wife/partner 'won't allow' something. You're both adults. Why does he get to call the shots. He's not the boss

Nobody needs cosmetic surgery, especially when they have a pile of debt that should be cleared before even considering it

Yeah, this sums up my view. There is a sensible conversation to be had about when/how to prioritise the surgery vs the debts. She isn't unreasonable to want the surgery, and he isn't unreasonable to feel the debts are higher priority.

But the OP framed the whole thread as a mud-slinging session against her DH, and the way she talks about their joint assets/debts does not make her sound trustworthy. She holds him in contempt, and has manipulated the whole conversation to paint him as financially irresponsible/lazy.

And how many of those women are able to stop their husbands from inviting their mums to their house? I doubt any.

I don't buy this man as the saintly figure people are painting him as.

I've not seen any threads where a woman whose baby is 1 years old and the couple have debt but people still tell her to stay home instead of getting a full time job and put child in nursery.

In those circumstances people say 1yo should go in nursery and couple should both work

I don't think he's a saint. But I do know that caring for a 1yo during the day while working evenings isn't lazy, and is a valid contribution to the family. And I also know that if the debt is joint it was very dishonest of the OP to imply that he ran it up on his own by being a spendthrift. And I also know that the marital home should be a joint asset, unlike the OP who thinks she's been very clever by putting it only in her own name.

She's not a liar. If she was a liar she would kept quiet that the debt was accrued when they were together.

She told a lie, then she admitted the truth.

The later truth doesn't mean the lie was never told. She knew exactly what she was saying when she called it "his debt" and "his payment plan", and I bet she describes it like that at home too.

The most generous spin I can think of is that OPs story about the origin of the debt is inconsistent. Liar is a massive call, but I do think she deliberately misrepresented the situation in her first post then drip fed certain pertinent facts that put a whole new wheel on the wagon.

Until I read her admission that the debt was also hers, I was on the OP's side. But as soon as I realised how much she'd misrepresented her DH, the whole story appeared in a new light.

I think the fact that she classes the assets as hers and the debt as his shows she resents the fact that she's working and he's not and she doesn't value his contribution to the family.

Which is a common thing you also hear from working fathers. But the response to that is usually different on here.

She obviously resents him and holds him in contempt. So she should divorce him and make a life on her own. But she may find she values the childcare more when she has to pay for it.

There are still lots of unknowns here

• why does OP see the house as hers? Has she put up the deposit for it and has a pre-nup?
• why isn't OP happy in the relationship?
• why doesn't OP want him to be SAHD?
• why doesn't her DH want a full time job?
• even though the debt was accrued when they were together, what was the money spent on, stuff for him or stuff for the family?

So I just don't think we have enough info to decide he is the hero in all this.