Just told DH I will Divorce him over a fucking wedding Part two

[KeenHiker]

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5018658-just-told-dh-i-will-divorce-him-over-a-fucking-wedding

I can’t believe the responses that I had.

Essentially I am going to that wedding so it won’t backfire on me and then as people have suggested reassess when everything has calmed down after Easter.

I am never going to look at MiL in the same light as she clearly thinks my daughter is an impediment to her own granddaughter.

I do not know why it is lost on some people, honestly.

If the DH and his family several years ago decided they were only leaving money to DD2, this clearly differentiates between the two girls and their position; one is family, the other is not.

@sunglassesonthetable

She knew what she was signing up for because he went to a sodding solicitor at the first available opportunity to ring fence everything for his own offspring.

It’s abundantly clear his intentions.

That fact in itself doesn't automatically equal "we do not, and never will, consider this child a part of the family in any way shape or form and they will not be invited to family weddings and we will resent their presence when spending time with our real grandchild(ren)." At least, I wouldn't interpret that way and it doesn't look like OP did either.

*She knew what she was signing up for because he went to a sodding solicitor at the first available opportunity to ring fence everything for his own offspring.

It’s abundantly clear his intentions.*

I think it's appropriate that those wills were made like that. I don't find anything shocking in that.

I think what has come since is.

And just for the record @Justkeeepswimming and @WillYouPutYourCoatOn

It's really unpleasant to see you preening over your apparent intellectual superiority.
Pigeons, trifles, and all the rest . It's such a cringe.

Just don't agree with you .

Because some people just like to pretend their thought process couldn't possibly navigate something so blatantly obvious.

They didn't decide she wasn't part of their family. By default, she just isn't. A decision would have had to be made to make her part of their family.

They didn't decide she wasn't part of their family. By default, she just isn't. A decision would have had to be made to make her part of their family.

Poor dab. Fancy her thinking she had a Mum, Dad and sister and they were a family.

Oh and love you too Holly👋🏼

I really don’t think it’s that weird for grandparents to want to see their GC/get to know them without a step gc present. Not always, obviously- but yes one to one.

Again, where did the OP say the child sees him as her dad and not just a stepdad? Becoming step-whatever through marriage doesn't actually mean anything. You don't automatically become a parent/grandparent/another child. That is something that has to be decided on.

You've been less snarky since I made that comment. Much appreciated.

Again, where did the OP say the child sees him as her dad and not just a stepdad? Becoming step-whatever through marriage doesn't actually mean anything. You don't automatically become a parent/grandparent/another child. That is something that has to be decided on.

Hmm maybe it's the marriage and living with him and having a half sister.

And as it happens I know quite a few step parents where it does actually mean something. But that's out in the real world.

You've been less snarky since I made that comment. Much appreciated.m

You haven't been snarky at all since MN deleted yours.

I'd save your breath Holly. There's only certain levels of understanding. Albeit, many emojis.

Omg @WillYouPutYourCoatOn I bow to your intellectual heights.

Can my eyes roll further back.

Yes. They will be the people who didn't just assume but actually discussed this stuff before blending families. Not every child sees their parent's partner as another parent. And not every person will see their partner's child as their child. The worst thing you can do is go into this without everyone knowing everyone else's expectations. If the child sees her stepfather as her father, but he doesn't see her as his child, then that is on the OP. Same with his family.

Yes. They will be the people who didn't just assume but actually discussed this stuff before blending families. Not every child sees their parent's partner as another parent. And not every person will see their partner's child as their child. The worst thing you can do is go into this without everyone knowing everyone else's expectations. If the child sees her stepfather as her father, but he doesn't see her as his child, then that is on the OP. Same with his family.

Haha I didn't even notice that. Hit a nerve I guess.

Yes. They will be the people who didn't just assume but actually discussed this stuff before blending families. Not every child sees their parent's partner as another parent. And not every person will see their partner's child as their child. The worst thing you can do is go into this without everyone knowing everyone else's expectations. If the child sees her stepfather as her father, but he doesn't see her as his child, then that is on the OP. Same with his family.

Granted it needs to be discussed.

But there's no evidence to the contrary. Though wills do imply a certain level of discussion.

It sounds like it was discussed. They settled on "well and fair".

As in OP's statement ?

All I have ever wanted was that my DH treated my eldest well and on a par with any children we had together”

OP hasn’t once stated that DD1 refers to her DH as Dad.

She has a Dad. Who is likely a drug addict, alcoholic or some other disaster by the way OP refers to him.

@sunglassesonthetable

This is what OP wanted.

Yet she accepted that DD1 would be treated vastly differently relative to inheritance for DH and his family.

That isn’t on a par at all.

OP hasn’t once stated that DD1 refers to her DH as Dad.

She hasn't referred to it either way tbh
🤷‍♀️

He says he loves her, adores her, would give her his heart. Treats her the same as her sister.

Doesn't see her father and lives full time in this nuclear family.

I'm making my own guesses as to how she views this man.