Just told DH I will Divorce him over a fucking wedding Part two

[KeenHiker]

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5018658-just-told-dh-i-will-divorce-him-over-a-fucking-wedding

I can’t believe the responses that I had.

Essentially I am going to that wedding so it won’t backfire on me and then as people have suggested reassess when everything has calmed down after Easter.

I am never going to look at MiL in the same light as she clearly thinks my daughter is an impediment to her own granddaughter.

Not a narrative I'm spinning. It's what you've all been saying all over the thread!

So whilst I FIRMLY believe those backgrounds are what make ppl like OPs in-laws it absolutely doesn't have to. You can, at any time, choose not to be an arsehole.

This.

This ^

I said it like two page ago lol, and my exact words were: “You’re spinning your own narrative here of evil stepfather + rIcH pEoPlE bAD.”

I helpfully provided you with your own words as examples of the latter.

When you have wealth, shit like this comes with the territory.

What being emotionally stunted. No, life isn't an episode of Downton Abbey.

Yes, but not because she was singled out. She was one of seven. The reason it seemed amplified in her case was that also in her family was one of the only two little flower girls in the bridal party.

Still, as PP have pointed out. OP knew this was the position of the unrelated family from the off. She seemingly thought she'd change that. She brought her DD into the setup regardless. It hasn't worked the way she planned. And now it's everyone else's fault (well apart from the actual paternal family who don't bring anything to the table so she can't be arsed to waste her time there) that she's put her DD in the exact position she was told she would be.

"When you have wealth, shit like this comes with the territory."

You even said it yourself - this is rich people doing rich people things.

No, being aware that other people would very much like a share, whether entitled or not. But then you knew that.

Yes, but not because she was singled out. She was one of seven. The reason it seemed amplified in her case was that also in her family was one of the only two little flower girls in the bridal party.

oh give over, she was singled out in her family.
Explain that to a 10 year old.

The difference is I don’t consider them protecting their assets and keeping them within their actual family to be a bad thing.

Yes, but not because she was singled out. She was one of seven. The reason it seemed amplified in her case was that also in her family was one of the only two little flower girls in the bridal party.

Yep, even more amplified.

Most feeling people would not compound that.

No, being aware that other people would very much like a share, whether entitled or not. But then you knew that.

Jeez you do live in a soap opera . All this scheming.

Nope I'm talking about the feelings of a child.

The difference is I don’t consider them protecting their assets and keeping them within their actual family to be a bad thing.

" protecting their assets"

=

don't let her stand in the picture

don't invite her

don't let her come round with Dsis.

😆

Being aware of, and guarding against, those that believe themselves entitled to your money. If that’s being emotional to stunted then I highly recommend it, it’s never been something that’s put me at a disadvantage ☺️

Not sure what Downton Abbey has to do with it.

Yes, and I helpfully replied to that post of yours to show you I had seen it.

As I say, not my narrative! It's yours - OP's eldest daughter is just a stepdaughter and OP would do well to help her realise that, OP's husband and in-laws have been generous enough as it is, to deny OP's younger daughter the opportunity to go to private school would be a terrible thing to do, but the exclusion of OP's older daughter from being made to feel like a fully integrated member of the family is right and natural.

*Being aware of, and guarding against, those that believe themselves entitled to your money. If that’s being emotional to stunted then I highly recommend it, it’s never been something that’s put me at a disadvantage ☺️
*
Yep make sure a 10 year old is not invited to a wedding !!!!!

" guarding"

Absolutely PRICELESS.

But then you knew that.

😂😂🤣🤣

Fucking hell. You’re the one that decided to bring up your grand realization that this is all because they’re rich and therefore mean. Your words dude, unprompted by me. Fight with yourself over it if you must.

Yes, that is my position. They are not equal when it comes to the younger daughter’s paternal family. They will never be equal. Op cannot make them equal. So yes, she should indeed come to terms with that. So should you apparently.

See, three emojis would have really sold the sentiment. Four is overdoing it.

Exactly what OP should have done.

Instead of threaten divorce, which hasn't exactly worked out for her because instead she's has the reality of the situation reiterated for her, as she seems to be attempting to move goalposts on her own. So she's not going to force them to pick up the slack of a paternal family because OP doesn't want to engage with the paternal family. And she can take that or leave it. They were clear from the start. They've been really clear now. And they've gone well above and beyond what the paternal family, whose responsibility the DD actually is, have done. But then op has a hand in keeping them out of the picture, because it's suits her far better to be involved with this family than the one she chose to father her first child with.

I don't think she sat cackling with an evil plan like a bond villain. I do think she thought she'd hold a lot more power in being able to demand things for her eldest DD after a few years. She took that punt. She put her DD in a precarious position, simply thinking, I'll soon change that. She can't. So all she's done is put her DD in a precarious position. And she knows it deep down. Her rage at everyone else is smoke and mirrors for this.

Yes, that is my position. They are not equal when it comes to the younger daughter’s paternal family. They will never be equal. Op cannot make them equal. So yes, she should indeed come to terms with that. So should you apparently.

Grand . But you know what. In many families ( wealthy, asset guarding ones, included ) she would be. It's not about the money.

SSee, three emojis would have really sold the sentiment. Four is overdoing it.

You're an Asset Guarder . I like emojis.
💥😁🤦‍♀️👯‍♂️🤔😂👌🏼🚖😬✈️⭐️🌨️👌🏼😂🤣👏🏼🤞🏼😖🚎🤷‍♀️🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿👊🏻🥂😘🙄

@InterIgnis

I don't think she sat cackling with an evil plan like a bond villain. I do think she thought she'd hold a lot more power in being able to demand things for her eldest DD after a few years. She took that punt. She put her DD in a precarious position, simply thinking, I'll soon change that. She can't. So all she's done is put her DD in a precarious position. And she knows it deep down. Her rage at everyone else is smoke and mirrors for this.

" demand things " Wow

Did you know lots of families don't bother about " bloodlines " so much and just include children?

Not in my experience, although I don’t doubt there are exceptions.

The wedding isn’t the only issue here, and the other one is indeed the money. Op thought her husband would inherit from his parents, and that any financial advantage for her youngest would only happen decades in the future (if she hadn’t convinced him to equalize his will by that point). She now knows that her in laws will be leaving directly to her youngest, and that her husband will be using his own money to pay for his daughter’s schooling.

Not in my experience, although I don’t doubt there are exceptions.

This where we differ. Birds of a 🪶 etc.

Who are these six other children who were also not invited?

The wedding isn’t the only issue here,

It's a big issue, and a catalyst. So cold blooded to a 10 year old.

and the other one is indeed the money. Op thought her husband would inherit from his parents, and that any financial advantage for her youngest would only happen decades in the future

(if she hadn’t convinced him to equalize his will by that point).
Ooooo Assett Guarding to the fore 🤺 complete supposition . 😁

She now knows that her in laws will be leaving directly to her youngest, and that her husband will be using his own money to pay for his daughter’s schooling.

Yep. She does. It's the schooling that hurts I understand that.