To ask for a seat for my 3 years old at the wedding?

[YesterdayandBoris]

My husband and I are travelling long distance for his brothers wedding - 16+ hour flight. We will have two children (currently waiting the arrival of our second) they will be 2 months and 3 years at the time of the wedding.

My BIL keeps suggesting the wedding is ‘no children’, which we understand we also didn’t have children at our wedding but we’re travelling half way across the world!

We have just RSVP’d and our son doesn’t have a space at the meal. I quote “they thought all the children would go upstairs to the bridal suite” - my son is 3 in a foreign country there is no way I’m sending him upstairs with some random family friend of the brides I don’t know.

AIBU to say no he needs to be at the meal?

• *It’s a very late wedding getting married at 6pm, and so the meal starts at 7pm so I’m going to have to leave at some point with the children anyway to take them to bed.

FWIW my husband agrees but is trying to be diplomatic because we also didn’t want children at our wedding so can see their point. But at our wedding we didn’t have any nieces or nephews at the time so it was just friends children that were not invited. Which I think is completely different, plus those people had childcare options we are in a different country.

All the children

How many children do they have at the wedding going upstairs

This

Entitlement at its best! You wanted a child free wedding but now someone else doesn’t want your child, you’re kicking up a fuss! Yes YABVVU and very selfish. You want your wedding cake and want to eat it. Let your DH go alone so everyone can enjoy the day without you causing bad feeling!

You can't just say "oh, there isn't a seat for this person', when you know the exact reason is because they were not invited. That means they can't have a seat. Decline the ring bearer duties and skip the meal. Or just don't attend.
Surely if you are holiday already then you can do something fun with your kid instead? Or otherwise don't go to this other country at all.

https://amp.theguardian.com/fashion/2024/feb/02/fleece-humble-fuzzy-fabric-becomes-fashions-hottest-item

Edited to add: sorry - wrong thread!

Other options if he doesn't settle with babysitter he sits on your knee,

Could you all go to the ceremony & your Son do his bit as ring bearer then explain to BIL & his Wife that you're not happy leaving him with someone you don't know so will take him for something to eat elsewhere then return for the evening celebrations, assuming your Son can attend then too. Seems they want your Son to be a part of their wedding but not wanting to pay for an extra meal for him.

You are BU to expect them to change their minds though. It's their wedding, their rules.

If they want you to show up your children are showing up. That's very respectable!

Please note they might want seats for more guests. Ask them if there's a shortage!

So they want him to be there for the pretty pictures but can't stump up the money for a meal. It would be a swift no from me. Both or neither.

I wouldn't leave my kid with strangers for a multitude of reasons.

You are being unreasonable. They have said no children so no children. Plus the child is 3 and would probably be fussy or crying/wanting to run around. That’s not fair. It’s their wedding.

I think that you and your husband will be tag teaming this, your eldest child won’t be at the meal, he will be in a hotel room with you or your husband.
ideally your 3yo will go to sleep, and a hotel baby sitter can watch him for an hour or two when he is asleep.

that said my 2y8m old son was the ring bearer at a adults only wedding on a Greek island. He was dancing with all the ladies on the beach at 3am. He had more adoring new fans than you’d think possible, which made the wedding a blast .

I would stay home and take care of the kids, sending my other half to enjoy the wedding.
No kids means no kids, your kids aren't superior to that rule.
Maybe you're struggling with the thought that family members don't want nieces/nephews (your kids) there, as an exception to the no kids rule. But it's their choice. This is their big day, it's about them! Not your kids!

Yes, that's normal. Nobody wants a cranky 3 year old at a formal meal which won't start until 7pm. One of you could stay either your children. They are not welcome, which is understandable although sad for you.

I wouldn’t go on a 16 hour flight with a 3 year old and a 2 month old for a pot of gold at the airport, far less a wedding.

How the hell do these threads get resurrected?