To cancel the wedding?

[Anothertiredteacher]

We are supposed to get married in early June. The wedding is in a registry office in the city we live in but I know family who live about an hour away have booked hotels/Airbnbs in the city.

I found out yesterday I’m pregnant, which is lovely but very unexpected. There’s no question about whether to keep the baby but we are debating cancelling the wedding.

I’d be about 17 weeks pregnant by the time the big day game around. So we wouldn’t tell anyone the reason why we’re cancelling the day. I’m only about 3 or 4 weeks pregnant at the moment so well aware that anything could happen with the pregnancy.

Is it massively unreasonable and unfair to those who have already paid for accommodation?

This sounds like a good decision!

The reality is, if you put it off till after the baby is born, it could be years before you get around to it.

I hope you have a stunning day!

I don’t think I drank much at my wedding either - it’s v full on and you don’t have time - you can still dance when pregnant too!

Will get dress shopping for a bigger dress and plough on.

Well done, OP. I was going to comment 'Stop messing about and get the fuck married!' but I see you are doing. I hope you find a fabulous dress, have a wonderful wedding day and a very happy marriage. May your posts on Mumsnet always be happy ones.

You'll never get round to getting married if you wait until the baby is here. Please go ahead!

You have even more reason not to cancel and double the reasons to celebrate!
Any symptoms you have now, will likely have passed by then
If necessary just rethink your dress choice

Chances are you won’t want to drink much and will feel a little queasy with nerves anyway. It’s much easier to have a wedding whilst pregnant than a wedding with a baby!

Thank god! Definitely plough on and get married!

Love these empire line dresses it’ll disguise a pregnancy bump and make you look like a Jane Austen heroine

Definitely go ahead with the wedding. Planning a wedding with a baby/toddler will be so much harder work! You won't be able to drink if you get married this year but you'll still have a good time.

In theory (I know it doesn't always work out like this, but in theory) 17 weeks should be the ideal point in pregnancy to get married. Your morning sickness should hopefully have subsided by then, and you won't feel as knackered as you will in the third trimester. And your bump will probably be showing, but not enormous, so you'll probably still be able to have a similar style of dress as you had already been thinking of.

Appreciate all the responses. Will get dress shopping for a bigger dress and plough on.

Excellent!! And congratulations xx

I would deffo continue with the wedding. It will be harder to do with a baby and organise around that.

I don’t get why people don’t tell until 12 weeks. When I was pregnant I was nauseous and tired, so I told people to make sure they knew why I wasn’t my usual self. If I’d miscarried I would have said so too. More openness there needs to be around this. No point for the hush hush secrecy.

Oh double congratulations OP! Absolutely crack on with the wedding. It’ll be much easier to organise before you have a child that’s for sure.
At 17 weeks you’ll probably be over the worst of the morning sickness and not yet be totally exhausted so perfect timing. Hope you find a beautiful dress and have a wonderful day.

ah, get married! It'll be lovely and you'll have a lovely extra thing to celebrate!

In the nicest possible way you're being totally unreasonable 😂

I'm glad you're going to go ahead, as others have said it will be the perfect point in your pregnancy to get married. What a special year for you both - enjoy 😊

I got married (though quite a small do) when I was about six months pg, my ankles and feet were pretty swollen, but it was a lovely day! My nausea had definitely eased by then, that was mostly confined to my first trimester. Very glad we married then. All the best OP!

Hi OP,

I got married abroad with 150 guests at 17 weeks pregnant. It was great, you really don’t need to worry about it.

we didn’t tell anyone before (due to complex fertility history) and we did tell people whilst there because I had a small bump and a tight dress. It really wouldn’t have been that noticeable at that stage with it being the first, I just looked bloated. I did find making sure the dress fit stressful as I was travelling abroad 2 weeks before the wedding so there was a bit of guess work to do with how big I’d be, but it was fine.

generally you’d be feeling quite good 17 weeks (without any other problems like HG). I stayed up until 5 am, I was tired but was well past the initial fatigue with the pregnancy. I guess I would’ve liked to have a few drinks but I wouldn’t change any of it now. Also there’s so many added benefits to being expecting at your wedding, it’s lovely, all your guests are going to be so delighted for you.

Also just as a side note.. now that I have a baby there’s absolutely no way I would be able to plan a wedding now, I’m too busy and my brain is too full!

If you think you want to cancel then cancel , I’m sure they will understand and most will have their money back as it’s so far away .
I would not get married while pregnant because I suffer with HG and I know for a fact I wouldn’t even be functional let alone prepare for a wedding

I was a bridesmaid at 18 weeks, nobody noticed I was pregnant, it didn’t show until the 7th month.

I wouldn't cancel now as you would be letting your guests down who have paid to attend your day. However, I would really begrudge spending thousands on a day where I couldn't even have a drink and I would prefer not to be pregnant in a wedding dress/tired etc.

You could do the registry and then have a big party another day? I am thinking you want to have some champagne and drink, which is fine. The guests should be able to cancel, although some might have paid in advance for their room?

Why would you need to cancel? Don’t mess people around and just get on with it

It's fine that you would have told people if you miscarried - your choice. But some people don't want to have to do that. They don't want to have people asking about their pregnancy and reply with "I lost the baby". The chance of miscarriage drops significantly at twelve weeks, so that's the cut-off point for many people.

I postponed a vow renewal due to pregnant but that was because Id be 2 months postpartum and with experience from my previous 2 I knew I would be leaking, bloated, sore and still feeling crap for a MINIMUM of 3 month post birth and no one wants to get married in an adult nappy.

At 17 weeks its probably the best point, less MC stress than the 1st trimester and not massive and uncomfortable like the 3rd trimester.

Unless you just plan to be drunk but honestly I didn't get drunk either time at mine, two much going on to be getting drunk.

Glad you've decided to keep the date. My sister found out she was pregnant after booking her wedding. She was around 18 weeks on the date, she just bought another dress and still had a lovely day.