To cancel the wedding?

[Anothertiredteacher]

We are supposed to get married in early June. The wedding is in a registry office in the city we live in but I know family who live about an hour away have booked hotels/Airbnbs in the city.

I found out yesterday I’m pregnant, which is lovely but very unexpected. There’s no question about whether to keep the baby but we are debating cancelling the wedding.

I’d be about 17 weeks pregnant by the time the big day game around. So we wouldn’t tell anyone the reason why we’re cancelling the day. I’m only about 3 or 4 weeks pregnant at the moment so well aware that anything could happen with the pregnancy.

Is it massively unreasonable and unfair to those who have already paid for accommodation?

You could announce your pregnancy on tour wedding day at the speech.

Glad to read that you're going ahead with the wedding.

Hope you have a great wedding but more importantly a happy marriage.

All of the above.

And it won't leave your relatives out of pocket.

If people have committed I'd probably go ahead. It will still be an amazing day

Go ahead, perhaps plan less than you otherwise would. John Lewis have a good selection of maternity wedding dresses. You can always have a ceremony at a later date if you want more bells and whistles

You and your child are much more financially protected when you are married. It’s not romantic but for that reason alone I would go ahead with the wedding. Read the thread about the sister who is supporting her sister who was with a man for twenty plus years, four children and she sold her flat. Her man has got someone else and her life and financial stability are in absolute ruins. Never have children unless you are married.

Complications aside, for which you cannot plan, you should be feeling great at 17 weeks and not showing that much. You'll have a very small bump but you won't be huge or uncomfortable.

If you cancel it would be really letting your guests down. Just get married. Or else you will have to reimburse all your guests for expenses incurred.

Totally confused why you would cancel. Not sure your guests would understand without a better explanation.

Aw no don't cancel if you really don't have to, you can still have a lovely day. It happened to a friend of mine, they were in the process of planning a big wedding and she found out she was pregnant and decided to scale it right back, she got herself a new dress she was more comfortable in and they had a lovely little wedding :)

😏😆

At 17 weeks with a first pregnancy you probably won't even need a larger dress. Just don't get one with a really tight waistband/corset.

It’ll be different to what you thought but if anything you should try to get married ASAP! You’ll be more financially and legally secure.

Awwww, those are understandable thoughts op.
But honestly, under the circumstances your wedding date is (likely) peak perfection, second trimester is the best phase of pregnancy for most, still comfy, likely hardly showing, and any nausea probably gone/vastly reduced.

If you cancel it could possibly be years before you are able to revisit the idea (hard to imagine but trust us).

Now you can have fun planning keeping the secret and building the announcement into your special day - maybe in the speeches... There won't be a dry eye in the house! 😍

Pregnant brides look absolutely stunning!

I definitely wouldn’t cancel unless you are concerned it will coincide with your due date.

Congratulations! I was in just this position 20+ years ago. It had taken us ages to find a date that worked for family members, bridesmaids and witnesses (August wedding) and then the pregnancy discovery. The thought of trawling for another date was too tedious to contemplate. We had a wonderful day, on the date originally planned. My baby bump was small but definitely present. Even now, I love talking to our daughter about the wedding and how she was there with us. I do hope you go ahead and have a similarly happy experience.

I LOVE a party, but honestly barely drank at my own wedding! Too much going on, too much to do, exhausting in a really good way… so if it’s the lack of ‘partying’ that’s putting you off I would say it’s a very different experience to being a wedding guest where often a mixture of boredom and over excitement( and flowing booze) means you get wasted…

Congratulations! By 17 weeks it is likely you will be feeling a lot better than in the first trimester, but also unlikely you'll have a big bump so just consider this when shopping! Hope you have a fabulous day and what a lovely thing to tell your child that they were there on the day 💞

Agreed. They kind of pop out around 20 weeks but until then the most you feel is a bit bloated. 17 weeks is usually the blooming stage so with luck you will look amazing.

Congratulations, twice over!

You'll be able to have the same day you envisioned at 17 weeks. You won't be too big (hell, I'm 26wks right now and I'm still in normal clothes) and any morning sickness should have passed by then. I barely drank on my wedding day, there was just too much going on. Your hen do if you have one might be different but it'll still be fun!

Plus your hair will be 👌🏼👌🏼👌🏼

You'll likely feel your best around 17 weeks as that is usually the 'easiest' part of pregnancy, so that is one bonus.

Why would you cancel? Life plans don't have to stop because you're pregnant!

Look through MN for all the stories of “we have 4 children together and aren’t married and I’m a SAHM and now he left me help I’m completely screwed”. Then get married before having a baby. Never mind what kind of a day you have, the important thing is to sign a contract giving you legal and financial rights in case things go wrong.

A different perspective to others. I got married at 13 weeks pregnant. I had awful sickness (which lasted my whole pregnancy) and my dress had to be altered last minute as I had a visible bump (1st pregnancy.) I then spent my whole 2 week honeymoon sick and exhausted. However, I'm glad we didn't cancel/postpone as I don't know when we would have had the extra money or time to get married after the baby was born.

Not sure why you would cancel!
At 17 weeks you won’t be showing - maybe slightly more rounded but I am slim and didn’t show properly til about 30 weeks! You can get dresses altered v close to the date anyway.
The sickness should be gone by then so you’ll be able to enjoy the food and obviously no drinking, but you could have a nice non-alcoholic cocktail made!!