To refuse to travel at 20 weeks pregnant

[Kofifi]

I have been put forward to attend an important event for work in San Fransisco, when I will be 20 weeks pregnant. I find these events exhausting at the best of times and am really dreading the idea of doing it pregnant. Especially with the long travel (16hr) involved.

I was planning to tell work that I'm pregnant after my 12 week scan next week. And I ideally want to use it as a reason to say I don't want to do any long haul trips.

But everywhere I google it says there's no reason I can't travel at 20 weeks. And so I'm worried they'll make me go anyway.

Aibu to think I should be able to opt out?

If its an important event I don't see how being 20 weeks pregnant gets you a ticket out of it.

I doubt the event is as important as is being made out. You should be able to refuse, hope you have a trouble free pregnancy.

YABU - also it’s not a 16hr flight unless you are unable to go direct

Weird that you’re being called unreasonable in the poll.

I wouldn’t have fancied that at 20 weeks pregnant. It’s a helluva long way to go.

Well you can certainly ask to be excused it, but unless there are specific complications, it wouldn't be considered unsafe to do this at 20 weeks

It would depend on your job and what you are contractually obliged to do. Is travel like this a normal part of your job? Your best bet is to talk to HR as soon as possible

@PickledPurplePickle it is 16hrs as I have a connection.

You can ask surely? As a manager I would not be making anyone travel that far if incapacitated in some way.

Are you contractually obliged to go?

If it’s work I would assume you can travel in business? Being pregnant is no reason not to go. I went on a long weekend’s break to SF when about 24 weeks pregnant with DC1 and would have been about 30 weeks when I did a short break to Boston.

But “put forward” suggests others would jump at the chance so say no if you don’t want to go.

I had a similar dilemma and didn't want to go and chatted to a doctor who was happy to sign a letter if I needed to say they didn't recommend travel. Would your midwife or doctor be prepared to do that?

Good god. Since when did being pregnant automatically mean someone was incapacitated?!

Unless some underlying condition then YABU

Seems to be a thing nowadays of people trying to make out they are somehow incapacitated. You won't be alone treating pregnancy like a disability. It's not.

Some people would be fine with it but I wouldn't have been. I don't see anything wrong in you refusing to travel long haul at 20 weeks and if I were your manager I'd completely support your decision

As a manager I would not be making anyone travel that far if incapacitated in some way.

Being pregnant does not necessarily mean you're incapacitated, especially at just 20 weeks.

Unless you have extenuating issues regarding your pregnancy, you're being unreasonable. You're pregnant, not suffering from a disease.

How much do you want to progress in your career once your child is born?

Like it or not, it will probably boil down to that.

You'll undoubtedly be able to get a doctor to say you aren't fit to travel and you probably won't have to go. Whether or not that will be the truth though is subjective. As others have said, flying while pregnant presents no greater risks until you're near the birth, that's why most airlines ask for FTF certs from about 30 weeks onwards.

You aren't unreasonable for not wanting to go. You are for thinking you shouldn't have to just because you're pregnant.

I would just say you are being very sick, are extremely tired and travel makes it worse.

If they try to insist just ask for an appointment with your midwife to that clashes and show them the appointment card

Being pregnant doesn't automatically make you "incapacitated".

The OP is pregnant, not incapacitated.

I flew to HK at 20 weeks. Unless you've had a difficult pregnancy you'll be fine. Get some support stockings.

I miss my long-haul travel days. I went to Hanover and Korea when I was about three or four months pregnant, and it was fine - but everyone is different. If you don't feel comfortable doing long-haul at 20 weeks, then let your boss know, and ideally say, "I won't be travelling, but Lucy the junior is doing really well at the moment, and it would be a good development exercise for her".

It would depend if OP has any underlying health conditions

If it's a case of she is not keen to travel out there at 20 weeks, I think you'd be hard pushed to get a GP to declare a patient is "unfit to travel"

And usually a letter/statement like that is private work and has an associated fee

You might feel better than you think, presumably at the moment you are in the middle of first trimester misery! For most (not all) women it will start to get better once you are into the second trimester. 20 weeks is about as good as it gets and isn't a reason not to go unless you have it particularly bad (in which case the reason is that you are ill, not that you are 20 weeks pregnant). How long are you away for? Is it going to clash with your 20 week scan?

My company flew us first class on long hauls once we were second trimester of pregnancy as that was healthiest, safest way to travel.

So, perhaps your company has similar upgrade?

You’re pregnant, not ill or incapacitated.

Unless it’s a high risk pregnancy you’ll be fine to travel at 20 weeks. For most people it’s the easiest part of being pregnant.

Is there someone else who could cover your role? If so it wouldn’t be unreasonable to ask not to go but if it’s part of your job role I would fully expect to go.

I find these events exhausting at the best of times and am really dreading the idea of doing it pregnant.

If you find work trips exhausting, and I hate to tell you, but you're going to be in for a real shock once the baby is born.