To refuse to travel at 20 weeks pregnant

[Kofifi]

I have been put forward to attend an important event for work in San Fransisco, when I will be 20 weeks pregnant. I find these events exhausting at the best of times and am really dreading the idea of doing it pregnant. Especially with the long travel (16hr) involved.

I was planning to tell work that I'm pregnant after my 12 week scan next week. And I ideally want to use it as a reason to say I don't want to do any long haul trips.

But everywhere I google it says there's no reason I can't travel at 20 weeks. And so I'm worried they'll make me go anyway.

Aibu to think I should be able to opt out?

Pregnancy is precious!

Why can you only do short haul once back from maternity?

Nice to see few misogynistic comments on here.
Get a note from your midwife OP. Best wishes x

There are some absolute dicks on here!

If it’s more than likely someone will cover (which considering the location I’m sure they will!) then simply say “I’m a bit gutted bc it is a great opportunity but I haven’t had the easiest of times in the first half of my pregnancy so I’d rather, if possible, let someone else have this opportunity and I’ll keep my fingers crossed I can get there on a trip when I’m back from maternity!”

they cannot in any obvious way hold it against you long term BECAUSE of your pregnancy but if the company would judge you that harshly for passing up one trip then are they really the long term employer you want when you have a young child.

I cancelled a work trip to India when I was pregnant bc of the zika risk, I was actually gutted about it! I did fly to the US at about 19 weeks I think. Indirect to Memphis so not as bad but still a slog with the connections.

Op to be honest I wouldn’t even mention to them that you “don’t feel like it” or anything similar. Just get a note off your Gp and give it to them and say as little as possible . A Gp will not refuse when you explain.

I've only read the OP's posts so apologies if this has been mentioned.

A lot of travel insurance have weird loopholes around pregnancy and will not cover any complications related to it. I imagine the cost of dealing with any hospital bills that aren't covered while in America would be quite high. You'd have to check that you were fully covered or that your employer was prepared to cover any unavoidable medical expenses.

I’ve had to turn down long haul travel at work while pregnant due to Zika risk - which is a bit different, granted, but I don’t think you’re being unreasonable - and most employers will be a lot more understanding than some of the responses here.

At the end of the day, your body and your baby are more important than a singular work trip. If you don’t feel it is a good idea, explain it is a great opportunity but not a great time for you. Someone else will love the chance!

A lot of companies wouldn’t approve you for travel anyway due to insurance and occupational health policies.

Odds are, the employees in HR will be mostly women and that at least one of them will have been pregnant before.

Just talk to them. See what happens. Consider your options, if you have any. Make a decision.

Welcome to the world of suffering the consequences of being a pregnant woman and then a mother. There will likely be very very many of them, so you may as well start practicing.

It's not a ridiculous comment. Unless there's a reason like problems with the pregnancy or high risk or whatever else, why does 20 weeks pregnant mean automatic ticket not to go?

Who are all of these people minimising your concerns? I would not have been happy about travelling for work at 20 weeks pregnant but I was very unwell throughout my pregnancy. You are not being unreasonable. You and Your baby’s health is your priority. If you’re worried say something and do not feel like you have to be full of excuses or reasons. You are pregnant and feel uncomfortable travelling such a long way from home. That’s that.

I haven't rtft but you need to be speaking to work about their travel insurance. Our work travel insurance excludes anything pregnancy related. You are visiting somewhere with no free health care, whatever you do, make sure you have travel insurance with pregnancy related health costs.

Your work should also undertake a risk assessment for pregnancy, if you go you need to ask them for their risk assessment for this trip. You should be entitled to ask for reasonable adjustments. Such as a break in travel so you're not sitting still for so long, and more rest breaks etc

Every pregnancy is different. Some women sail through it and some have complications or higher risk pregnancies.
I think you should speak to your manager once you’ve had your 12 week scan and you’ve told them you’re pregnant and say that you would prefer not to fly long haul whilst pregnant and explore the options of maybe sending someone else instead of you.
Long haul flights can increase the risk of a DVT in pregnancy.
You may well feel amazing at 20 weeks as the tiredness and nausea of the 1st trimester may have eased off.

Pregnancy is a normal part of our reproductive lives but different for everyone.

Congrats on your pregnancy and hope all goes well

I think if you wanted to go you don’t need to worry too much about being 20 weeks. I flew long haul at just shy of 6 months and it was absolutely fine. At that stage I had a simple pregnancy.

If you don’t want to go, your employers would be reeeeeal assholes to insist you go when you’re pregnant. It’s realistic for you to feel unwell in some way (although this is often the time you feel best in your pregnancy), American healthcare is astronomically priced and I found that most health insurers don’t cover pregnancy or pregnancy complications, and you’re also at higher risk of DVT when flying long haul and pregnant. My hospital was also pretty strict about when I could have my 20 weeks scan, so you could say your 20 week scan is that week and you can’t/ don’t want to rearrange.

This. I travelled short haul for leisure at around 20 weeks and was exhausted. My bump was already huge and I struggled to walk any sort of distance. Steps were a real issue. - in fact any sort of incline was like climbing a mountain!. I did enjoy the holiday but we did everything at a snails pace - can't imagine having to work after a long haul flight. I also would've missed my partner, who was a huge help in the evenings, and felt uncomfortable being so far away from my doctor in case of any major problems. Can't believe the lack of support.

Which insurers are those then. As pregnancy doesn’t count as an illness when it comes to travel insurance, so all will have ample cover for complications as it’s a standard element of cover.

20 weeks is a breeze compared to the final trimester? Why are you stating a generalisation as fact? Not everyone find 20 weeks 'a breeze', even in normal, healthy pregnancies.

It’s not ideal but 20 weeks is probably around the best time to travel. You’ll be out of the sickness period and before the “getting really big” period. That said it shouldn’t be difficult to get a midwife/doctor to write a letter saying you shouldn’t go. Your employer might see it differently but you can’t blame them for wanting you to go when you haven’t told them you’re pregnant yet.

I was made to go on an overseas trip with a 10 month old who had COVID. It was for 5 nights and an 11 hour plan ride away. I wasn't happy and was told their dad should care for them and if I didn't go I'd be expected to resign.

It was a waste of time. Maybe 2 meetings. The rest was client entertaining or entertaining ourselves. If I was in the situation again I'd have said no. It still bothers me years later.

Each pregnancy is different and it’s unreasonable to expect that you can automatically manage it. I’d say it’s more about your personal circumstances. I don’t buy the whole “pregnancy isn’t an illness” philosophy because sometimes (of course, not always) it is! Pelvic Girdle Pain can be debilitating, sickness doesn’t automatically stop in your first trimester, low iron, fatigue, so many things. Not factoring in what would happen in the worst case scenario whilst abroad or on a flight; long delays, being stuck on a plane on the tarmac for hours (been there!), lost luggage, then something happening to you or the baby whilst away. It’s awful.
I speak from experience. I travelled long haul at 26 weeks and would never recommend it. My ankles swelled to the size of watermelons and I was in agony for days. I had a period of 8 hours where I barely felt the baby move and it was terrifying whilst being so far from home and not knowing where the local hospital was etc. Thankfully all was well but it was completely debilitating.
Stopping that level of travel I think is an absolutely acceptable reasonable adjustment when you have your risk assessment with your manager.
They'd have to have damn good reasons to force the issue.

I'm surprised at how many women are ignoring the fact that pregnancy can make women feel terrible, at any stage of pregnancy. It's not an illness, no, but the body is under a huge amount of strain. Vomiting over the side of a wall in your work carpark, piles, inflamed episiotomy scar from previous deliveries, intense hunger, dizzy spells, heartburn, insomnia, exhaustion, headaches, mood changes...are all part of a normal, healthy pregnancy and can make a woman feel utterly dreadful! It reeks of either 'my pregnancy was fine so yours will be too' or 'my pregnancy was tough and I still had to do xyz so you should too!".

Of course it can

and if that’s the case the OP can get a letter from her GP or midwife to give to her work to get out of the trip

why is this so difficult to understand

YABU. You're pregnant and presumably without disability.

What do you think I'm not understanding?

I’d do it at 20 weeks but not after 24 as mine have been prem (32 and 33 weeks) and I can’t afford American healthcare.