To refuse to travel at 20 weeks pregnant

[Kofifi]

I have been put forward to attend an important event for work in San Fransisco, when I will be 20 weeks pregnant. I find these events exhausting at the best of times and am really dreading the idea of doing it pregnant. Especially with the long travel (16hr) involved.

I was planning to tell work that I'm pregnant after my 12 week scan next week. And I ideally want to use it as a reason to say I don't want to do any long haul trips.

But everywhere I google it says there's no reason I can't travel at 20 weeks. And so I'm worried they'll make me go anyway.

Aibu to think I should be able to opt out?

Yabu you're pregnant not ill. You sound dramatic.

This is just one example and I know I was lucky to be healthy but I did a trip to Western USA at high altitude when I was 34-36 weeks. It was to stay with family, and I took out 3 types of special insurance! But being pregnant isn't a disability in the vast vast majority of cases, so don't assume the worst!

I’m really shocked by the responses here saying OP is unreasonable- I can only hope they are from people who have not yet experienced pregnancy -although experience tells me that people just love any excuse to have a go. Shame on you!

OP may miss appointments which are important and need to be carried out at specific points in the pregnancy to ensure her safety and the safety of her baby
OP (while I’m sure would have medical cover on her travel insurance) would not have the assurance of having her own familiar GP/midwife/maternity unit nearby to call upon if she had a concern
…this may cause anxiety (understandably) and as someone who has had concerns in pregnancy and needed to be seen urgently due to loss of foetal movement and unexpected bleeding at another time I can fully sympathise and see why she should not travel far if she doesn’t feel comfortable doing so.
OP does not know what symptoms she will have when she travels and is being asked to commit without foresight - she may feel ok now but may not nearer the time. I suffered with awful SPD in my second pregnancy and ended up on crutches, but I was merrily racking up 20k steps a day in Disneyland at 4 months, just couple of months earlier. You just don’t know.
OP would presumably have a harder time adjusting to time zones, too.
I can on, but won’t..

Yes pregnancy is not an illness but compassion doesn’t cost anything either!!
OP look after yourself and your baby. Just try to deliver the news in a way that is palatable for your boss and try to ‘show willing’ in other ways to protect your future career.

I think this is your choice. I was nominated to represent the UK at an international meeting at while pregnant. I knew I'd be one of a handful of women there and I was going.

However, it was exhausting and painful (I had bad Pelvic Girdle Pain). I know it was bad, because when I landed back at Heathrow (after my rather shorter than 16 flight) I was approached and asked if I needed assistance, and escorted to the front of the security queue.

So, you are not unreasonable for not wanting to go. You could have bad PGP, you could have awful later pregnancy heartburn/sickness. You could have other complications that mean you are already signed off work at 20 weeks.

I think I would frame the request to not go as "I'm pregnant, and there is a risk I might have to drop out at short notice if there are complications. Under the circumstances it might be better to send another college?" If that doesn't wash, see how you feel nearer the time - it might be clear cut, "No!" or you might feel surprisingly well.

Every pregnancy is different.

Long haul travel and pregnancy are both risk factors for DVT. The company should be able to do an occupational health assessment and make reasonable adjustments. definitely. And make sure there’s no ambiguity in regard to covering medical costs abroad.

I’m also wondering whether OP has been tested for Faktor V Leiden, which would massively increase the risk for DVT.

Being pregnant doesn’t make OP incapacitated. But there are additional needs that should be considered.

I’d be surprised if your work forced you to tbh. Pregnancy clearly doesn’t mean you’re incapacitated but it’s just very personal in terms of what each person is comfortable with. For many it is a time of feeling more vulnerable and protective of their body. I wouldn’t have done a 16 hour journey at 20 weeks pregnant. I missed a few far off events with friends which I think was frowned on at the time but I’m actually really glad I stuck to my guns. At this point you and your baby are the most important thing so don’t let anyone push you beyond what you’re comfortable with.

You’re pregnant, not ill or incapacitated

This!! My God, some pregnant women are so entitled!

You'd need a good health insurance cover in case something goes wrong (obviously hopefully not!) in the US. Unless your employer confirms they provide it, I'd absolutely not go and you cannot be forced to attend.

If you are really uncomfortable with it, ask your midwife/GP for advice. Realistically you don't know how you're going to feel in this pregnancy, you may have a perfectly valid reason not to travel.

For the last N years we have been asking for equality and saying that a normal pregnancy is not a disability.
Now you come and play the preg card to get out of your job.
Not happy to hear this OP.

I’m really shocked by the responses here saying OP is unreasonable- I can only hope they are from people who have not yet experienced pregnancy

Nope - I've had two kids and I find it really odd that some women seem to use pregnancy as an excuse for everything. Sure, if there's something underlying that's different, but I really can't see why travelling somewhere is an issue otherwise! Some women DO have major issues while pregnant and CANNOT simply keep going, and I think some women end up making life harder for pregnant women with genuine difficulties.

You can’t refuse to go. I’d be shocked if your contract had any preferential treatment because you are pregnant. 20 weeks is a good time to go. 2nd trimester is when you’ll be feeling your best most likely.

Yes, she can refuse. One of the reasons could be if no adequate healthcare insurance for a pregnant employee is provided by the employer.

I'm pregnant now and I have to say, all these people saying 20 weeks pregnant is no big deal and you're not incapacitated can fuck right off. Not everyone has an easy pregnancy. It's a time in life when you really are supposed to rest, take it easy and take care of yourself. Stress, jet lag and lack of sleep will do you no good.

Equality doesn't mean treating everyone the same and ignoring their needs. In fact, that's the opposite.

JFC.
Nobody has said a 'normal' pregnancy always requires exemptions. Just that pregnant women shouldn't be 'automatically' discounted from opportunities. That's all.
If an employer is unsure they just have to ask.
There are women lifting weights right until they give birth, women bedbound for the entire 9 months etc a huge variation in experience!
Withholding a major project from a pregnant woman doing well or in this case not giving her the SF opportunity at all - wrong.
Not making allowances for a pregnant woman experience debilitating fatigue - also wrong. up to op to decide adn sacridice her career progression
They are not mutually exclusive!

Factually most women having a healthy pregnancy will be fine at 20 weeks

16 hours of travelling and waiting around at Airports is pretty tiring for anyone, let alone at 20 weeks pregnant with a higher risk of DVT.
Also, make sure your employer had adequate health insurance covering pregnancy.

Ah, I'm sure OP will change her mind now that she hears you're not happy!

Normal pregnancy is not a disability but it can certainly be disabling, for the many reasons listed on this thread. Expecting pregnant women to be treated as one homogenous mass and neglecting their health needs is hardly equality and certainly not progressive.

I cancelled a trip with a friend due to a pregnancy. My main reason being, I didn’t want to be in a foreign country if anything went wrong. Unfortunately I did miscarry when I would have been on the trip and I was grateful to be in my home country with familiar medical care and systems etc.
I don’t think you’re unreasonable to feel this way just because of my own experience. I imagine your work will be a bit miffed unless they have a similar shared experience by massive coincidence. My friend never forgave me for cancelling the trip we had planned.

When you're 12 weeks I'd make them aware that you are currently happy to go but there are risks that you might not be at short notice, plus insurance for the US if you have a health issue over there and get stuck and end up having the baby there prematurely might be cost prohibitive ...

Does the OP work for your dad’s company or something? Do you need to keep on commenting to different posters to drive home your point? You think the OP is being U, we get it

Oh look, here comes the mumsnet martyrs who walked twenty miles a day barefoot in the snow when they were 40 weeks pregnant etc etc.

any decent employer would be fine excusing a pregnant woman from long haul travel if she was worried about going. Unless you a heart surgeon, no one’s going to die if you don’t attend some poxy meetings.

if you think they will want an answer or book travel, I would go ahead and let them know of my pregnancy.

I don't understand how it's reasonable for them to expect you to go. Of course being 20 weeks pregnant you can still do most things but I would be worried about medical complications whilst being away and if you are covered by insurance.

I went on a 'nice day trip' to France at 20 weeks. I spent both crossings in the ladies retching. I could barely stand up in France, and needed a wheel chair once back on English shores to get me off the ferry and to our car.

Yanbu OP. When I was 20 weeks pregnant I went on a 3 hour trip with my DH for a weekend away. I had PGP from 17 weeks, and the car trip was horrible. I remember struggling to breathe and sitting for so long didn't help (not to mention constantly needing to pee) . Some people find pregnancy easy, others don't (1st trimester was fine for me, struggled from 2nd trimester)
As others pointed out, I also wouldn't step foot in the US while pregnant.

Gosh the responses on here are sooo bizarre...its really fine to ask not to go on this trip. I would consider myself really adventurous and not a worrier but I wouldn't have been happy to go that far just for meetings at 20 weeks. Lots of things can go wrong. People here have either been extremely fortunate in pregnancy or haven't been pregnant
.also you don't know how you will feel at that time..morning sickness can come back and be very debilitating and lots of other things can crop up. The idea that the OP will be harming her career and damaging other women's in turn by saying no... is an extremely 1980s viewpoint..I would have hoped we have moved forward a bit 🙄