To refuse to travel at 20 weeks pregnant

[Kofifi]

I have been put forward to attend an important event for work in San Fransisco, when I will be 20 weeks pregnant. I find these events exhausting at the best of times and am really dreading the idea of doing it pregnant. Especially with the long travel (16hr) involved.

I was planning to tell work that I'm pregnant after my 12 week scan next week. And I ideally want to use it as a reason to say I don't want to do any long haul trips.

But everywhere I google it says there's no reason I can't travel at 20 weeks. And so I'm worried they'll make me go anyway.

Aibu to think I should be able to opt out?

We don’t know if the company expect her to go as she hasn’t told them about the pregnancy yet.

What's the trip and how important are you? 'll How replaceable? Aye you going back after the baby? Will you be refusing trips like this once baby is here? How often do they happen?

If you don't want to go then I am sure a word with your midwife would be sufficient for a "do not fly note."

Personally I wouldn't want to set foot in the US while pregnant. Not because of the travelling to get there, but because of the increasingly hellish legal framework around reproductive rights. Granted, I doubt that San Francisco is one of the more problematic areas on that front, but even then the potential costs if you had any medical complications while you were there are a concern - and I'm not sure that you actually can insure a baby that's not been born yet, so however comprehensive a policy you yourself went with, there are scenarios where things get very complicated.

Personally I wouldn’t want to sideline myself when pregnant, but there’s no harm in asking if someone else can go, they may be totally fine with that. If they aren’t fine with that I wouldn’t push it though, I’d just expect a risk assessment done for the trip and reassurances about them covering the right amount of medical insurance etc

A responsible employer, once they know you are pregnant, will not send you to the USA. I presume they will be paying for the trip and the added extra insurance.

Speak to your manager and ask to be replaced by someone else if you feel this strongly. I had bad PGP so there would be no way I could manage a trip like that and you won’t necessarily know how you are feeling by then. Plenty of women float through pregnancy without so much as a niggle or care in the world, but some don’t.

If you do go make sure you have rock solid travel insurance with a premium level of medical insurance to cover any pregnancy-related issues.

Exactly.

I flew to the West Indies in my first trimester when I really was feeling exhausted and nauseous. I was also interviewed for a new job. Not doing women any favours expecting allowances like this during pregnancy - unless of course you're having a difficult pregnancy. But just being tired doesn't cut it. Wait til you're functioning on a couple of hours sleep a night because your child is teething.

I declined a request from my work to fly to India at a similar stage of pregnancy. They were fine about it. I didn't want to either fly long haul or risk D&V whilst there. People on MN are ridiculously harsh sometimes - most decent employers would have no problem whatsoever with you declining the trip. They might even prefer it if you didn't go, it reduces their duty of care.

I also like my job and feel responsibility towards my colleagues. But I value my health and sanity more.

@SleepingStandingUp

I have US trips 1 or 2 times a year.

I go on short trips to European cities approx once per month and would continue to do those until much later.

I would like to go back to the role and would anticipate being able to do short haul trips once im back from maternity.

My issue with this trip is the 16hr travel time, and the impact of the timezone changes (its only total of 1 week trip).

Someone else would be able to fill in for me. So in that sense I will probably be allowed not to go, so my real question was probably can I refuse without being somehow penalised for it in my career progress. And judging by the replies here its a 50/50 chance haha.

Let me guess...this is your first pregnancy? Unless there are underlying conditions and more to the story, you are being precious.

None of us no what your work culture is like though OP, what are your bosses like? Also are you expecting to not have to go to the US once back from maternity? Is that even realistic?

Don't 'refuse' just politely ask if there is an alternative, maybe even suggest an alternative yourself. Refusal implies having to dig your heels in about it.

I don't think it will be as difficult as your anticipating to just not go.

And don't worry about career impact. Corporate memories are short.

You don’t need to guess, she clearly said it’s her first pregnancy.

Oh bore off

OP the issue with these trips etc isn't pregnancy as a condition it's related issues that make it more difficult for individual women. This continues after giving birth some are happily back to normal within months, other have tears etc.
No workplace should be making assumptions about ANY individual so I find PP comments 'setting us back' harsh. Women A being fine doesn't mean that Women B will be, and vice versa.

Regarding career progression .. well, I can't comment. It depends on the role. If you are, say a software salesperson and going to these trips leads to making connections and more sales. How do you expect to make up by not going? Presumably the company isn't spending money sending you there for fun.

As unpopular as it sounds I don't think it's unfair for 'primary caregivers' to take a hit for a few short years. If that's what they choose. The unfairness comes from denying women opportunities the moment they have kids, no matter their performance. I've seen women be passed over for promotion even as the main earner with a SAHD just because of her sex and status as a parent.

Is it really a big problem if you get promoted in say 3 years instead of 1? Which is a different problem from never being promoted at all.

Unless you've been medically exempted then I can't see why you can't do this trip.
Just make sure that your employer is fully insured for this trip.

You're pregnant not disabled.

You may well have your anomaly scan around the time of the trip. I would try and find out when that will be when you go for your 12 week scan if you can.

All those who had a trouble free pregnancy will say there's nothing bloody wrong with you, pregnancy isn't an illness, so get on that plane. The thing is, everyone has a different experience of pregnancy. I thought I was supposed to feel ok by the end of the first trimester, but I continued to feel nauseous all day every day throughout both pregnancies, with horrendous acid reflux that saw me swigging Gaviscon straight from the bottle. It sounds so trivial - oh, she's feeling a bit sick and has heartburn - but I was a wreck. No way could I have managed a flight to the US.

*also typo Woman not Women

It took a while for the responses about insurance and the legal framework around reproductive rights to come up but it was my first thought.
I agree with a pp and wouldn't set foot in the US while pregnant.

My midwife didn't want me driving more than 3 hours for work and wrote that for my work so check with your midwife.

No she isn't. I flew long haul several times when pregnant with my first two children and couldn't manage a short European flight when pregnant with my third. No complications, just a different type of pregnancy. I could hardly walk down a shopping centre with baby number 3 and was up the Burj Khalifa at 6 months pregnant with the first. Nobody knows how their body will react to pregnancy, not a first time mother, not a woman who has been pregnant before.

It is possible that work won't want you to go either as they will have to take out medical insurance for you in case of any complications. Not cheap for America. I think in view of the fact it is a 16 hour journey then you are entitled to refuse. Could you offer to attend the meetings by zoom?