To tell her school that they can deal with it if they have an issue? Re uniform rules

[ThatAdeptFish]

dd is 16 and has recently gotten highlights in her natural brown hair so it’s more of a blonde now. She asked me to pay for her to have it done a while back, I said we didn’t have the money but she’s recently gotten a job and spent her first pay check on getting it done. I thought her natural hair looked nice but what she’s had done does look nice too. Doesn’t look natural as such, you can tell it’s been highlighted but it’s still a normal colour, it’s not like she’s dyed it pink or anything.

Anyway, school rules say only natural hair colours are allowed, I did tell her that before she had it done but she said that the school don’t care and other people have highlighted hair and no one says anything.

well I have had no less than 4 phone calls from the school about her hair in the past 2 weeks, saying that school rules don’t allow it and she’s refusing to dye it back so can I please talk to her and make sure she dyed it back.

I did talk to her in fairness, and she said that the school are just being ridiculous and she’s not dying it back after she spent money getting it done. School have said she will have detentions until it is dyed back. She’s in year 12 if that makes a difference, she said that they’re stricter with lower school but in sixth form they don’t really care too much, well at least that’s what she told me.

AIBU to tell the school that if they have a problem with her hair, they can give her detentions, use whatever sanctions they use, but to leave me out of it from now on? She’s 16, she has a job, I literally have no power to make her dye her hair back, she’s not a small child, and she can deal with the consequences if she doesn’t do what the school have asked, but realistically I don’t know what they want me to do about it? In every other way she’s great, she helps around the house, does her homework, goes to her job, and I really don’t consider her hair to be worth picking a fight with her over.

I would say that it is a natural colour, its not like its red or blue. Blonde is a natural colour. Our school are strict on hair but would accept highlights. They don't accept "extreme" hair, so a blonde fringe on black hair would not be allowed.

Get the school to put in writing exactly why it does not meet their rules and then put in an official complaint.

DD 15, dyed her hair in July, supposed to wash out in 12 washes but it didn't. She went back to school with a reddish tinge and was put in isolation for 2 days until we removed the colour.

They told me that she had to dye it to a natural colour, but it would have meant using a dark colour and she is naturally fair, so I used a colour stripper instead which wasn't great.

It sounds ridiculous, I would be pointing out to the school that her hair is not breaking any rules as it has no unnatural colours in it, and that it does not specify that hair cannot be dyed, just that it has to be a natural colour. I’m not normally one who would disagree with schools, but this makes no sense, even more so as she is in 6th form. The rule is surely intended just to avoid blue or pink hair.

It sounds to me as though she would be better off moving to a school/college where they treat young people as adults.

The school are being ridiculous. I work in a school and while we don't want lots of rainbow hair some highlights in y12 shouldn't be an issue.

I think I'd go down the route of 'the rule says natural colours - she has kept it natural colours. If the rule isn't clear enough they need to re-write the rule' and back away from it.

You can't drag her to the hairdressers and even if you did, they might have to dye it an even less natural colour to cover the bleach.

Tell them the hairdresser said it would have to be jet black to get full coverage and see what they say!

She should tell then she identifies as a blond and this is the begining of her transition 😂

Though I don't know if you can verify that other children may have broken the rules too

The school is being unreasonable, and clearly focused on the wrong things.
If it's a 'natural' hair colour on someone else, then no reason she can't have it, too.

I'd tell them you're no longer going to engage in these conversations because, as you say, she's 17, has a job and is working towards her A Levels like a responsible almost-adult. She can have blond highlights if she wants blond highlights, ffs.

If I were your DD, I'd also demand to know if all grown ups in the school be required to sport their natural hair colour before engaging in any further discussions. I'd be pointing at people you know probably have 'grey' hair at this stage and ask why they're allowed to dye theirs and she's not.

How to alienate a studious, hard working, helpful daughter

DDs school were this ridiculous too.
Hers was also a secondary with a 6th form attached and the rules were pathetic, they were treated as if they were in primary school.

This is absolutely mental! I'm also in Scotland & teach. In our school they're hot on uniform- black trousers/ skirt/ shoes, white shirt, school tie & £35 blazer (no wild academy craziness with special £££ uniform) but apart from that the kids have whatever they want- pink hair/ moustache/ red lipstick/piercings/colourful winter jacket etc. One of my 13 year old pupils came in on Friday with her hair blue. It looks great & I commented that it matches the school tie & perhaps we should all dye our hair to match the tie- blue/ purple/silver 😆. Heck, the physics teacher has purple high-lights, the MLangs teacher has anamazing bright red, undercut dye to her dark brown hair with a sharp, swingy Bob- it's awesome. The old History NQT had those huge plug things in his ears. The same as the kids, it has no effect on their ability to teach & get brilliant results.

My DC's school is very similar, a little more lax probably. My eldest was school Dux, head-boy & is flying at an RG uni. I don't think his penchant for colourful socks affecting his Maths ability, or his recognition that his part-time job has a uniform which he sticks to. Honestly!

Natural colours mean not pink or blue. And in sixth form? Unless it’s private school, then they can jog on or she will be looking to transfer to the local college, as being in a particular 6th form is not compulsory.

Dying her hair is not going to affect her learning.
I hate schools and teachers with their silly rules.
My son went to a school years ago that on non uniform days the girls was not allowed to wear jeans.
A few years on a school in the paper said that the boys was not allowed to wear shorts to school in the summer so they went to school wearing skirts to make a stand.

What is the actual reason for rules like this?

I mean the real reason, not the ones they tell you. I’d love to be a fly on the wall in the meetings when they come up with them!

I just can’t think of any good reason or justification for it and things like this make you lose respect for the leadership team,

Absolutely agree.

So the school are saying that because she dyed her hair a "natural" colour she should get punished, but in order not to get punished she needs to dye her hair to a "natural" colour? Bonkers.

I must say I'm usually on the side of the school in these matters but it seems silly especially with a 6th former. I don't actually think you're being unreasonable. The hairstyle in question isn't a problem or certainly shouldn't be.

Point out to the school that they seem to have misinterpreted their own rules. They only allow natural hair colours, she has natural hair colours. If she dies it back to her original colour, it still won't be any more natural because no-one's hair is the very even colour that dye brings.

my DD is year 12 in a grammar school and has dyed red hair and they have zero problems.

it wouldn’t have been allowed before sixth form but the rules have relaxed a bit (nothing too blatant/ obvious of course ).

This is fucking ridiculous. I had my hair permed in 1985 I was 12. The school did not utter a word and my hair is really thick so i ended up with really big hair. I continued to have perms fairly regularly but finally stopped in 1990/91 Loads of girls at school had the Kylie corkscrew type perm (from when she was Charlene in Neighbours) back in the late 80s and the school was fine with it. I have plenty of moans about the high school i went to in the 80s but this wasnt one of them. This has got to be because they are "academies" now.

DS has some sensory sensitivity and really struggles with long sleeves. For some reason his school obsesses about everyone wearing jumpers or assemblies regardless of the weather, presumably so that they can all look the same. His teachers used to moan at me regularly about the fact that he wouldn't wear his jumper. I simply pointed out that (1) they should be making reasonable adjustments, (2) wearing a jumper doesn't help learning, in fact in his case it would hinder learning if he were made to wear one and (3) it just didn't bother me and was not a hill I would ever die on with my son. Eventually they got the message and backed off, both from me and DS.

If she'd been away somewhere hot and acquired natural highlights, would they still be asking her to dye it brown?

oh that reminds me A blonde classmate went on holiday somewhere hot and came back with parts of her hair green

The school are being ridiculous, especially as she’s a 6th Former!