To tell her school that they can deal with it if they have an issue? Re uniform rules

[ThatAdeptFish]

dd is 16 and has recently gotten highlights in her natural brown hair so it’s more of a blonde now. She asked me to pay for her to have it done a while back, I said we didn’t have the money but she’s recently gotten a job and spent her first pay check on getting it done. I thought her natural hair looked nice but what she’s had done does look nice too. Doesn’t look natural as such, you can tell it’s been highlighted but it’s still a normal colour, it’s not like she’s dyed it pink or anything.

Anyway, school rules say only natural hair colours are allowed, I did tell her that before she had it done but she said that the school don’t care and other people have highlighted hair and no one says anything.

well I have had no less than 4 phone calls from the school about her hair in the past 2 weeks, saying that school rules don’t allow it and she’s refusing to dye it back so can I please talk to her and make sure she dyed it back.

I did talk to her in fairness, and she said that the school are just being ridiculous and she’s not dying it back after she spent money getting it done. School have said she will have detentions until it is dyed back. She’s in year 12 if that makes a difference, she said that they’re stricter with lower school but in sixth form they don’t really care too much, well at least that’s what she told me.

AIBU to tell the school that if they have a problem with her hair, they can give her detentions, use whatever sanctions they use, but to leave me out of it from now on? She’s 16, she has a job, I literally have no power to make her dye her hair back, she’s not a small child, and she can deal with the consequences if she doesn’t do what the school have asked, but realistically I don’t know what they want me to do about it? In every other way she’s great, she helps around the house, does her homework, goes to her job, and I really don’t consider her hair to be worth picking a fight with her over.

Exactly this. Check the policy but blonde IS a natural hair colour. Sure, it's not HER natural hair colour but I think you can probably go back and tell them that it's their policy that is at fault.

Remind them that if she dyes it back then she still won't have natural hair colour in her hair; it will just be brown dye instead of blonde dye. Which would be unbelievably stupid of them to insist upon.

Ridiculous, a purple Mohican sure, I'd be with it. This, no.

Was she blonder as a baby? If so, send in photos of her with lighter hair & a bit darker & say as the colours are natural to her you don’t see the problem.

No wonder teachers all claim to be stressed and overworked when they waste their time with petty nonsense like this.

I think you should help your daughter in the face of an unjust rule. If she dyes her hair to comply, it will not be her natural hair. There is no logic to their request.

I'm more surprised they still.give out detentions in sixth form!
My son is the same age and at college and college seems far more relaxed with no daft rules.

My DC and DN all went to college (or last one plans to ) to get away from petty and the uneven enforcement.

I see the kids go in and out I can see large proportion getting away with flouting rules - but I my kids that never seems to apply - so I can believe she thought it would be fine.

As she's post 16 say it's between them and her or say she has dyed it back if they ring again.

It depends on the school ime ,my sons school.were not that strict as long as the kids wore a uniform they didn't make stupid rules up about hair
Some school particularly academies go over board on uniform
I would have though they would be less strict in sixth form but seemingly not!.

You read my mind. I was thinking along the same lines. Both of my children were blonde as toddlers/young children, but by secondary school age, their hair had darkened to medium brown.

I'm guessing that Mum pays for her phone and the wifi at home, plus most other discretionary expenses - her part-time job income won't go far if she has to fund all of these.........

Policing the hair of sixth formers is insane.

It's exactly the time to be experimenting.

Do others have the same? I'd get her to count how many sixth formers dye their hair and ask why they're not all in detention too.

These petty rules, and the mentality of the teachers who enforce them, is the reason I no longer work in a secondary school.
Mine had queues of girls outside 'welfare' to have coloured varnish removed from their toe nails - total waste of time and a known way of getting out of PE lessons for girls who hated them.

Yup my eldest has the kind of natural highlights money can't buy. Both blonde and brown are natural hair colours, they're ridiculous.

If she puts more highlights in it will be blonde all over, a natural hair colour in accordance with the rules.

Alternatively, if she puts it into a high pony, drawing up the underneath hair, it would probably disguise the stripy effect on top, which is what I assume is being objected to?

Blonde is a natural colour and the only way for it to be a natural colour again is to let it grow out.

Their solution is in direct conflict with their rules.

The nean no dyed hair but that's not what they've written.

It isn’t ambiguous IMO. Grammatically, “hair of A natural colour” means hair of any colour that occurs naturally is acceptable, not that hair can’t be dyed or bleached and has to be the student’s natural colour. If that was what they intended, the rule should be “their natural colour”. Except, of course, it that was what they intended they wouldn’t have written that because that is a bizarre turn of phrase, they would simply have written that hair must not be coloured, dyed or bleached…

If it was my DD I'd go for compromise by using washable spray to drop it down a bit during week days, unless it can be worn in a way that covers the highlighted bits.
Bit like a plaster over a tattoo. It's compliance to the organizations rules during the school day regardless of what might be felt about them, and freedom of expression outside.

If she’s had bleach highlights put in, any dye she puts over that probably won’t take properly anyway until those highlights grow out. She should just say “yes okay teacher, I dyed it and this is how it comes out now. Please can we get on with my A levels.”

That's perfectly fine hair, and well done her for saving. And as said, if she dyed it back, it wouldn't be natural either. In 6th form I'd expect a bit more sense. I went to a heavily academic school, and the only rule in the sixth form, which was non uniform, was that your clothes had to meet in the middle, which was batshit as you could wear a very short skirt and low cut top, but an inch of midriff was infra dig. They policed that but turned a blind eye to pink hair and facial piercings. Madness. None of the above affected anyone's grades.

While I think the school is correct to insist all children conform to very strict regulations regarding hair colour/style, in this instance their argument makes no sense. If she dyes it back, it's still not her natural hair colour. It's still dyed. It would make more sense to force her to shave her head entirely (provided such haircuts fit within school rules, they may not).

Many girls have the exact hair you have shown as an example from years 7 in our secondary school not a problem as it’s a natural colour look and not green/red/blue etc.
The school are being ridiculous over this especially as she is 16 and working.
To be honest I can’t believe that sixth formers still receive detentions that’s also crazy.

I would be backing up your daughter on this. The school are nuts trying to push this.

Wait...you think it makes sense to force a 16 year old to shave her hair off for having perfectly reasonable/acceptable professionally done highlights in her hair? Am I reading this correctly?

I think I'd complain formally that they are misapplying their own policy. If you create masses of admin work for them they may back off.

I'm so tired of how STUPID schools are about this stuff.

What level of teacher is calling you?

It’s up to her isn’t it. You literally can’t force her to dye it brown. If you manhandled her to the bathroom and held her head under the shower, tied her to a chair etc, SS would get involved.

She could put a wash in - wash out type toner over the top, but again that would be up to her. I used to have dreads with bells in and my workplace made it clear to me that I either removed the dreads/bells or lost my PT job. I had to make a decision, in the same way your daughter has to make a decision.

@secondscreen "Yes but she needs to learn to obey the rules of the place where she goes. There are plenty of levers that parents can use at home."

I'd love to see the workplace that wouldn't allow someone to have blonde highlights in their hair! This rule is achieving nothing more than disrupting her education over a rule that wouldn't be enforced in any other environment. Politicians, lawyers, doctors etc are all allowed to highlight their hair. The only place I can think would maybe be some sort of modelling/acting job if there was a specific role in mind but that's not really comparable