To tell her school that they can deal with it if they have an issue? Re uniform rules

[ThatAdeptFish]

dd is 16 and has recently gotten highlights in her natural brown hair so it’s more of a blonde now. She asked me to pay for her to have it done a while back, I said we didn’t have the money but she’s recently gotten a job and spent her first pay check on getting it done. I thought her natural hair looked nice but what she’s had done does look nice too. Doesn’t look natural as such, you can tell it’s been highlighted but it’s still a normal colour, it’s not like she’s dyed it pink or anything.

Anyway, school rules say only natural hair colours are allowed, I did tell her that before she had it done but she said that the school don’t care and other people have highlighted hair and no one says anything.

well I have had no less than 4 phone calls from the school about her hair in the past 2 weeks, saying that school rules don’t allow it and she’s refusing to dye it back so can I please talk to her and make sure she dyed it back.

I did talk to her in fairness, and she said that the school are just being ridiculous and she’s not dying it back after she spent money getting it done. School have said she will have detentions until it is dyed back. She’s in year 12 if that makes a difference, she said that they’re stricter with lower school but in sixth form they don’t really care too much, well at least that’s what she told me.

AIBU to tell the school that if they have a problem with her hair, they can give her detentions, use whatever sanctions they use, but to leave me out of it from now on? She’s 16, she has a job, I literally have no power to make her dye her hair back, she’s not a small child, and she can deal with the consequences if she doesn’t do what the school have asked, but realistically I don’t know what they want me to do about it? In every other way she’s great, she helps around the house, does her homework, goes to her job, and I really don’t consider her hair to be worth picking a fight with her over.

Yes, I agree.
Why does it matter to the school about highlights? Is everyone on the premises so awed/shocked they they can't go about their normal business? Have the highlights impacted negatively on her ability to do the work?
If colored hair (in any way) is that problematic then teachers presumably are also only allowed natural hair colours too.

I think she knew the rules before she did it so she can go ahead and bear the consequences of it. I actually think no make up/hair dye etc is good for kids, girls especially.

Absolutely crazy to be giving sixth form students detentions for their hair, do the teachers have nothing better to do?

Out of interest @ThatAdeptFish What are their makeup rules?

Because I'd rather see well -highlighted hair on a sixth-former than makeup on a Year 7

Shes not a kid as such Shes 16. Old enough to have a part time job. I have noticed though that a lot of parents are happy to treat their teens like adults when they are bringing money into the house

It sounds like they're not going to back down. Just put a slightly darker temp colour over the top - it will wash out gradually over the next month and I reckon by then they will have got used to it and not make a fuss.

I agree with the above poster, If she dyed it back it will still be dyed so it’s silly given the hair isn’t rainbow coloured or something. It’s nonsense op I would leave them to it. Such a silly issue for them to raise!!!

Wait... The school are asking her to dye her hair, yet they don't allow dyed hair?

How can they be so fussy about a few natural highlights?

I'd tell school to get stuffed. She's 16 and an adult!

Half the teachers have probably got highlights. What a load of petty rubbish from the school.

I would just say her hair is brown and blonde (or shades of brown) and they are natural colours. Nothing more to be said because they can’t prove what her natural colour is and they can’t say these are unnatural colours. I would be annoyed that teachers/reception staff are wasting time putting her in detention and calling you. If she prefers the detention room it sounds like it’s worked out well for her. What is the next step, they suspend her for having slightly lighter hair??

School sound utterly ridiculous. She’s in lower 6th and they’re fussing about some highlights? Good grief.

Do you have a photo from when she was younger? I used to be blonde when I was at school and then it went darker aged about 9. Was she the same?

*edited to say that I meant to show school the photo to prove she once was a different colour - not to post it on here!

They are being ridiculous, you'd think they'd have better things to do .

I’ve never understood the issue around hair colour - once they leave school and go to Uni they don’t care - and nor do most employers now. My DD had her hair dyed pink in year 10 and her school policy didn’t actually mention colours just that long hair should be tied back - which it was. They tried to get me to change it but after much discussion about why it was an issue and the fact it wasn’t in their policy that non natural colours weren’t allowed they backed off. She’s now in 3rd year at Uni with pink / purple hair and has had all colours of the rainbow during her time there!
for highlights I would go back and say it’s still a natural colour as blonde is a natural colour!

Given she is in 6th form, YANBU. silly rule which should be relaxed once they have finished year 11. Do they have to wear uniform at the 6th form? My DD is in year 13 and the school for the lower years are very strict but very relaxed for 6th form which supports the transition to adulthood.

I would help your daughter to fight this one, purely based on the fact that the school’s policy isn’t clear.

The school also cannot have it both ways.

Either, “natural hair colour” means colours you would see undyed hair to look, which means your daughter has operated within the rules, OR, it means she cannot dye her hair. If the latter is what they mean, the only way she would be able to change the colour is by dying it again, which is against school rules.

I would tell them that you and DD interpreted the rule as dying was allowed, as long as the hair was colours people would have naturally. Point out that you interpreted this way, because of the number of students with dyed hair at the school currently. Then point out that if that’s not what the rule was, she cannot correct the colour, as she would be breaking the rules twice, by dying it again. So what would their suggestion be? Then ask them to update their written policy, with much clearer wording. Suggest your daughter wears her hair tied up/back, as a compromise.

Why does your daughter think the rules don't apply to her? Let the school deal with her. Great parenting.

FFS. Hilarious. So ridiculous it's hilarious. Thank God you weren't my parent 😀.

Calm down, she's 16 and has had natural colour highlights. She's not smoking crack behind the sports hall

I would ask the school what part of the colour of her hair isn't natural? Plenty of people would have naturally coloured hair sounding like what your DD has had done. It is different for her but as you say, it's not unnatural - like pink or purple or blue hair would be.

I'd also enquire why the school have this rule as I cannot see how having dyed hair is going to stop a child from learning. I realise there are rules around uniform in plenty of schools but unless the hair is pink/purple/green or some unnatural colour, she still has natural coloured hair.

Then I'd tell them they clearly have little to be doing if they are picking on a Yr12 student and to focus on improving the education of the pupils leaving their establishment!

But this rule is a nonsense one. It allows "natural" colours if dyed but doesn't explain what they mean by "natural" colours. Blonde is a "natural" colour as is black, brunette, copper red for instance. Having any one of those colours put in is dying it a "natural" colour, therefore the Op's DD technically has not broken any rules.

Not all.schools in Englsnd are like this my sons wasn't they expected then to wear the uniform but it wasn't a crazily expensive one
He's had long hair since year 8 which was fine as long as tied back and a beard for most of year 11 which was also fine it's not an academy though.

Sounds like she has had it done in natural colours, so therefore it shouldn't break their rules. It is not pink or green. What a faff over a young girl having an interest in getting her hair done. Shouldn't they be focussing on teaching rather than acting as the hair police.

I don't understand the schools issue with hair colour whatsoever. The colour/style of someone's hair has no impact whatsoever on learning or others learning. I would fight this one, no detentions and no phone calls home about it.

excellent point!