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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To tell her school that they can deal with it if they have an issue? Re uniform rules

423 replies

ThatAdeptFish · 03/03/2024 13:41

dd is 16 and has recently gotten highlights in her natural brown hair so it’s more of a blonde now. She asked me to pay for her to have it done a while back, I said we didn’t have the money but she’s recently gotten a job and spent her first pay check on getting it done. I thought her natural hair looked nice but what she’s had done does look nice too. Doesn’t look natural as such, you can tell it’s been highlighted but it’s still a normal colour, it’s not like she’s dyed it pink or anything.

Anyway, school rules say only natural hair colours are allowed, I did tell her that before she had it done but she said that the school don’t care and other people have highlighted hair and no one says anything.

well I have had no less than 4 phone calls from the school about her hair in the past 2 weeks, saying that school rules don’t allow it and she’s refusing to dye it back so can I please talk to her and make sure she dyed it back.

I did talk to her in fairness, and she said that the school are just being ridiculous and she’s not dying it back after she spent money getting it done. School have said she will have detentions until it is dyed back. She’s in year 12 if that makes a difference, she said that they’re stricter with lower school but in sixth form they don’t really care too much, well at least that’s what she told me.

AIBU to tell the school that if they have a problem with her hair, they can give her detentions, use whatever sanctions they use, but to leave me out of it from now on? She’s 16, she has a job, I literally have no power to make her dye her hair back, she’s not a small child, and she can deal with the consequences if she doesn’t do what the school have asked, but realistically I don’t know what they want me to do about it? In every other way she’s great, she helps around the house, does her homework, goes to her job, and I really don’t consider her hair to be worth picking a fight with her over.

OP posts:
ThatAdeptFish · 03/03/2024 13:58

tellmewhenthespaceshiplandscoz · 03/03/2024 13:55

Also I'm guessing she's shortly going to be doing her GCSEs? How ridiculous of them to be over focusing on this when she has much more pressing matters on her plate

She’s in her first year of A levels so no GSCES this year.
she doesn’t actually mind being in detention for it actually, she usually studies at lunch anyway and they’re allowed to study in lunch detention and she says the detention room is quieter than the study centre anyway🤣

OP posts:
RitaIncognita · 03/03/2024 14:00

Wakeywake · 03/03/2024 13:51

Well, if she dyes it back it's not going to be any more of a natural colour than it currently is, so what's their point?

Exactly. Such a silly rule, especially for older teens.

Cheeesus · 03/03/2024 14:01

I wonder if you need to give them an out. It seems like someone has misread the rules and now can’t back down. So maybe you need to go in afresh and say ‘oh no it’s ok, having checked the rules, it’s only unnatural colours that aren’t allowed, so it’s obviously fine’.

DinnaeFashYersel · 03/03/2024 14:02

School uniforms in England are totally ridiculous. We don't have this nonsense in Scotland.

ColleenDonaghy · 03/03/2024 14:02

How ridiculous. Brown hair with blonde highlights is hardly unusual or an out there look.

Tell them she close a natural hair colour on purpose to be allowed under the school rules and you have no intention of discussing it further.

Whycantiwinmillionsandsquillions · 03/03/2024 14:02

I think it’s a silly rule but I would go with what you suggest op.

Zonder · 03/03/2024 14:03

Wow so she's in 6th form and they are still trying this on? What kind of school is this? Don't they know anything about teenagers?

tellmewhenthespaceshiplandscoz · 03/03/2024 14:03

Ahh ok thanks OP

ThatAdeptFish · 03/03/2024 14:04

School policy says “hair of a natural colour” which isn’t particularly clear, but they’re saying her hair is obviously dyed, therefore making it “unnatural”…

OP posts:
tellmewhenthespaceshiplandscoz · 03/03/2024 14:05

Zonder · 03/03/2024 14:03

Wow so she's in 6th form and they are still trying this on? What kind of school is this? Don't they know anything about teenagers?

Sounds exactly like DDs school (she's year 11). They aren't very good at treating them like young adults. Unfortunately she wants to stay on for A Levels so potentially another 2 years of similar crap to go Confused

ThatAdeptFish · 03/03/2024 14:07

Zonder · 03/03/2024 14:03

Wow so she's in 6th form and they are still trying this on? What kind of school is this? Don't they know anything about teenagers?

It’s literally just a state secondary with a sixth form attached. Dd says she wishes she dropped out and went to college. Some of her friends who went to college have bright/multicoloured hair and the colleges just don’t care

OP posts:
EarringsandLipstick · 03/03/2024 14:08

Can this be real?!

If so, while I'm normally in support of school rules, this is clearly a ridiculous one, I'd be making that clear to the school & supporting your DD.

SirenSays · 03/03/2024 14:08

After receiving 4 phone calls I'd have been handing her rainbow dyes and telling her to go wild.

springcantcome2soon · 03/03/2024 14:09

I'd speak to the headteacher direct as it is a 'natural colour' just not her natural colour.
If still having issues I'd take it to governors.

RitaIncognita · 03/03/2024 14:14

Can this be real?!

Are you serious? All sorts of threads on MN at any given time about silly school rules.

secondscreen · 03/03/2024 14:15

If that's the rules and she knew about it beforehand, you support the school and make that clear to her. I would remove all privileges at home til she dyes it back -wifi only for work etc, back to a basic phone if you pay for her phone etc.

sleepyscientist · 03/03/2024 14:16

secondscreen · 03/03/2024 14:15

If that's the rules and she knew about it beforehand, you support the school and make that clear to her. I would remove all privileges at home til she dyes it back -wifi only for work etc, back to a basic phone if you pay for her phone etc.

Edited

She 16 not 6! I had pink hair at her age it's currently ginger it does not affect my work at all.

secondscreen · 03/03/2024 14:17

sleepyscientist · 03/03/2024 14:16

She 16 not 6! I had pink hair at her age it's currently ginger it does not affect my work at all.

Yes but she needs to learn to obey the rules of the place where she goes. There are plenty of levers that parents can use at home.

coffeemugs · 03/03/2024 14:18

I'd just say you've asked her and she's said no so they are free to give her detention

EarringsandLipstick · 03/03/2024 14:18

RitaIncognita · 03/03/2024 14:14

Can this be real?!

Are you serious? All sorts of threads on MN at any given time about silly school rules.

Oh I know, I mean can a school really be that ridiculous by having a rule which bans something as minor as appropriate highlights?

Yet again, I'm glad I'm in Ireland, not UK, where rules broadly seem to have some sense!

coffeemugs · 03/03/2024 14:18

secondscreen · 03/03/2024 14:17

Yes but she needs to learn to obey the rules of the place where she goes. There are plenty of levers that parents can use at home.

What - at 16?

Morientes · 03/03/2024 14:19

School is being ridiculous, even if she wanted to shave half her hair off and dye the rest rainbow the colour of ones hair doesn't affect their ability to be a good student/employee/professional. Now let's say it louder for the people stuck in the previous century 🙄

lemonmeringueno3 · 03/03/2024 14:21

I'm a teacher and even I think they're being daft.

Our school has a similar rule but to avoid mad colours, not blonde highlights.

I think she'll silly to have done it without checking first, as surely she must have known how strict they are, but I'd expect a compromise to be tying it back.

So YANBU to support the school whilst also asking them to leave you out of it.

RitaIncognita · 03/03/2024 14:22

Yet again, I'm glad I'm in Ireland, not UK, where rules broadly seem to have some sense!

Same for me (not in Ireland) but in a country where state schools generally do not have uniform. So these rules always seem so petty to me and I do wonder what is the point of them.

But then again, I paid for my teen to have highlights at the same age.

RitaIncognita · 03/03/2024 14:25

Yes but she needs to learn to obey the rules of the place where she goes.

It seems that she has obeyed based on OP's quoting from the rules. She has a "natural colour."