To tell her school that they can deal with it if they have an issue? Re uniform rules

[ThatAdeptFish]

dd is 16 and has recently gotten highlights in her natural brown hair so it’s more of a blonde now. She asked me to pay for her to have it done a while back, I said we didn’t have the money but she’s recently gotten a job and spent her first pay check on getting it done. I thought her natural hair looked nice but what she’s had done does look nice too. Doesn’t look natural as such, you can tell it’s been highlighted but it’s still a normal colour, it’s not like she’s dyed it pink or anything.

Anyway, school rules say only natural hair colours are allowed, I did tell her that before she had it done but she said that the school don’t care and other people have highlighted hair and no one says anything.

well I have had no less than 4 phone calls from the school about her hair in the past 2 weeks, saying that school rules don’t allow it and she’s refusing to dye it back so can I please talk to her and make sure she dyed it back.

I did talk to her in fairness, and she said that the school are just being ridiculous and she’s not dying it back after she spent money getting it done. School have said she will have detentions until it is dyed back. She’s in year 12 if that makes a difference, she said that they’re stricter with lower school but in sixth form they don’t really care too much, well at least that’s what she told me.

AIBU to tell the school that if they have a problem with her hair, they can give her detentions, use whatever sanctions they use, but to leave me out of it from now on? She’s 16, she has a job, I literally have no power to make her dye her hair back, she’s not a small child, and she can deal with the consequences if she doesn’t do what the school have asked, but realistically I don’t know what they want me to do about it? In every other way she’s great, she helps around the house, does her homework, goes to her job, and I really don’t consider her hair to be worth picking a fight with her over.

No? The school wants it dyed, not covered with a hat or tied back. Don't be silly dear.

Certainly in post 16 education I agree with you. They don't have to be there, why discourage education when we want to keep them learning? Its just counterproductive.

Your words:’ You’re obviously one of those teachers that gets off on a power trip inflicting misery on kids’.
why? For not wishing to be subject,as a teacher, to school rules for children.
As for your example of the coat, does the teacher also ignore the pupils with phones out? The ones intent on carrying on a conversation or settling a dispute from break? If all pupils are being supported by their parents to challenge the rules there will be precious little teaching. And who loses out then?

Using a phone and chatting to class mates is distracting the class and the lesson I wouldn't expect that to be acceptable. wearing a coat or having blonde hair isn't distracting anyone.

I'm not your dear, don't speak down to be just because we have differing opinions, there's no need to be rude. You're the one who mentioned the covering, my exact point was that she can't cover it as she isn't in that situation, she's in school. She needs to dye it back and Mum needs to face up to the fact she is expected to parent her child; she's responsible for her daughter and its up to her to teach her that she should be following the rules laid down by her school, as this paves the way to follow her work/office rules in later life. Mum said she wasn't going to tell her not to, which is the problem.

It's ridiculous, I would stay out of it. Shes old enough to deal with it. My son's school is the same. They aren't allowed have it right, I was sick trying to control what blade they got so just leave them to it now and they do the detentions for it

All this uniform lark is a hangover from the worship of public schools.

I really think there is something rather tasteless and yukky/kinky forcing girls to wear ties.

As I say - I know schools where there is no uniform and the pupils' learning is unaffected. There are rules about decency and cleanliness, but that is all. Hair colours are at the discretion/taste of the pupil. It is a non-subject. People just get on with the job of education.

Teachers can’t choose which rules they are going to uphold.

its up to her to teach her that she should be following the rules laid down by her school, as this paves the way to follow her work/office rules in later life.

And here it is: the idea that British kids are so utterly thick that they need to spend years learning to wear work appropriate attire. I still haven't had an answer to the question of why kids in other European countries are able to manage this seamlessly.

@Pottedpalm it would be helpful if schools have rules which actually make sense and impact learning. So disruptive behaviour, fighting, phone use in class: by all means come down like a tonne of bricks.

Clothing and hair colour - not so much. Abolish the uniform, let it go. If kids are being bullied because of their clothes - you handle that by coming down like the aforementioned tonne of bricks on the bullies. It really shouldn't be rocket science. Focus on learning and behaviour, not on appearances.

Completely agree. This thread has really highlighted what a pointless waste of time for everybody all this nonsense about uniform is. I can't understand why we as a society place so much emphasis on what children are wearing when what really matters is what is going on inside their heads.

As for your example of the coat, does the teacher also ignore the pupils with phones out? The ones intent on carrying on a conversation or settling a dispute from break? If all pupils are being supported by their parents to challenge the rules there will be precious little teaching. And who loses out then?

But physical comfort is different. There really is no rational defense of a rule that would require a pupil to wear a jumper when it's hot while the teacher is in a sleeveless top or for a pupil to have to be cold in a classroom so wants to keep his coat on, especially if the teacher is wrapped up in a jacket. There are posts periodically on MN about actions like this. I think it's tantamount to physical punishment. If it's a school rule, it should be challenged. If the teacher has the authority to give permission for the clothing removal/addition and refuses then that teacher is being cruel. Perhaps some of these folks need to study human biology where they might discover that bodily comfort relative to ambient temperature can be a highly individual matter.

It may well be different, but my point is that teachers have to see that all rules are upheld. To do so doesn’t make then bullies.

The op said
'( it)Doesn’t look natural as such, you can tell it’s been highlighted'

So by the op's admission It isn't natural looking , and is therefore contrary to school rules.

The op needs to grow a pair , not just throw up her hands and say 'what can I do?' The dd is still a minor child and she is responsible for parenting her!

I took that to mean that it didn't look like the daughter's natural hair before the highlighting. But the picture that OP posted to illustrate what the highlights look like pretty clearly shows that the highlights are within the spectrum of natural hair colour.

The school is being ridiculous.

@ThatAdeptFish

if it looks like that photo I'd definitely get in touch & politely, but firmly, tell them to fuck off. It's of natural colour as per their regulations

if they come back again I'd go to the SLT & then Govenors.

she's stuck with the regulations & they're not.

I feel your pain. DD is year 13 in a private school. I’ve lost track of the number of calls I have had about shoes, piercings and length of skirt. I told them she’s nearly 18 and to discuss it with her. Seriously, 2 months off A levels and they’re getting their knickers in a twist about all this rubbish. I wouldn’t mind but she’s one of their stop students, they’ll be happy to sing her praises on results day but no, they waste their time on pathetic matters

We even had an email from the head of house starting “help me in the fight against acrylic nails” DD doesn’t have them but of all the things to stress about

Acrylic nails…perfect for school..

And to those who say ‘oh but my precious DD has shorter/less garish acrylic nails’, where do you draw the line? Give teachers guidelines on length/style/colour and end up with more time wasted by pupils arguing the tods?

Honestly, I hate school uniform and can't see the point of any of it but I can absolutely see the value of being kitted out appropriately for the work you are doing. I don't think acrylic nails are suitable for practical work at all (science, art, sport, whatever).

We are talking 6th form. Not pre GCSE. Pre GCSE yes, year 13, worry about something more important

this was for year 13. I don’t think it’s the most imo rant thing to get busy over

I am not keen on acrylics as they damage your nails. My 15 yo dd isn’t allowed acrylics until 6th form. She can write perfectly well with them.