To tell her school that they can deal with it if they have an issue? Re uniform rules

[ThatAdeptFish]

dd is 16 and has recently gotten highlights in her natural brown hair so it’s more of a blonde now. She asked me to pay for her to have it done a while back, I said we didn’t have the money but she’s recently gotten a job and spent her first pay check on getting it done. I thought her natural hair looked nice but what she’s had done does look nice too. Doesn’t look natural as such, you can tell it’s been highlighted but it’s still a normal colour, it’s not like she’s dyed it pink or anything.

Anyway, school rules say only natural hair colours are allowed, I did tell her that before she had it done but she said that the school don’t care and other people have highlighted hair and no one says anything.

well I have had no less than 4 phone calls from the school about her hair in the past 2 weeks, saying that school rules don’t allow it and she’s refusing to dye it back so can I please talk to her and make sure she dyed it back.

I did talk to her in fairness, and she said that the school are just being ridiculous and she’s not dying it back after she spent money getting it done. School have said she will have detentions until it is dyed back. She’s in year 12 if that makes a difference, she said that they’re stricter with lower school but in sixth form they don’t really care too much, well at least that’s what she told me.

AIBU to tell the school that if they have a problem with her hair, they can give her detentions, use whatever sanctions they use, but to leave me out of it from now on? She’s 16, she has a job, I literally have no power to make her dye her hair back, she’s not a small child, and she can deal with the consequences if she doesn’t do what the school have asked, but realistically I don’t know what they want me to do about it? In every other way she’s great, she helps around the house, does her homework, goes to her job, and I really don’t consider her hair to be worth picking a fight with her over.

This is quite a weird take.

The school should explain how regular highlights hamper education.

Hahaha what? She studies and works and is otherwise good. She's had some natural highlights put in her hair from her own money.
If you treat a 16 year old like that, I'd not expect a good relationship with them in their 20s when they leave home.

My daughter's school has this rule too but it doesn't have to be YOUR natural hair colour just A natural hair colour. My daughter also has blonde highlights and no-one cares as they are quite rightly focused on the upcoming GCSEs.

As she is in year 12,your daughter has chosen to stay in a school environment and it sounds like a pretty petty one at that. Would she prefer to transfer to a college environment where they may treat students a bit more reasonably? . If overstrict schools start finding hardworking and potentially high achieving students talking with their feet, they may change the policy.

Your daughter should say she identifies as a brunette 🤣

Sorry posted too soon - missed that she was in year 12. That's even worse though - they seem to be babying them a bit!

I'd point out the wording of the rule and say blonde is a natural colour, so I support their rule and would support a different rule if they changed and fairly enforced a different one.

I agree, it's all down to the wording. 'A natural colour' means 'any colour that naturally occurs in hair'. 'Their natural colour' means 'the colour they naturally have without modification.'

This is one I'd stand firm on.

given that she’s year 12, then I think she is more unreasonable to not stick to the school uniform rules than she would if in the lower part of the school.

she has just had the first opportunity when it was her choice where she went for her education, everything up to now has been your choice for her. She chose this school to do her A levels in, not the local college or other local schools. Many students move after GCSEs, and it is the student, not the parent who applies.

So this is a good lesson for her to think about weighing up what’s important to her, if she’s prepared to put up with uniform /dress code rules for other benefits of being educated in this institution?

I would put this back on her - she can’t pretend she didn’t know the rules as she was in the school previously, and she clearly did know them but hoped they’d not be applied to her at year 12. What matters to her? Staying at this institution to finish her A levels and accepting she has to follow rules that to her seem petty, or going elsewhere?

this is something she should have thought about at the end of year 11. It is definitely worth making a life lesson here about weighing up all positives and negatives of choices- and the culture of an organisation/employer is an important factor she needs to think about.

the culture of this school is a bad fit for your DD. Does she want to suck it up for just over a year, move (possibly having to restart year 12 next year) or does she think it’s possible for her to make a reasonable argument to change the rules for 6th form with the head of 6th form?

be clear that “I’ll just not follow the rules and hope I don’t get thrown out/they let me get away with it” is too childish a plan for a 16 year old.

Tell her to tie it back in a plait or similar for a few weeks until it blows over. It will be harder to notice then. She should be tying it back anyway

She's 16. In year 12. I would email school back and tell them to get a grip. It's hardly bright blue or anything. They are being completely draconian and rediculous. Detentions in sixth form? She's not a small child anymore but is college age. I would tell them to get a grip and that I won't be doing anything about it.

Can't she just tie it up in a tight bun so the highlights are less visible? My DD and her friends used to do that a lot. It covers a multitude of sins.

Tell the school she went on holiday and it lightened naturally in the sun! ☀️

IME it's rarely the teachers that can be bothered about sixth formers hair, rather it's the Sixth Form Supervisor, a job that, praise the Lord did not exist when I was in 6th form.

In the 80's when I attended the Common Room was a place where you could literally kick back with no supervision. I went through a phase of wearing knickerbockers and my fringe was dyed blonde a la Human League.

Why would anyone dye their hair the colour it is already? Their rules make no sense.

I’d be asking the next person who phones up to explain in detail what the problem is, in the light of their actual rules. I bet that would be the last call.

Your daughter sounds great and very level-headed, btw. Well done to her for not going along with the nonsense.

If the school has always had this rule (well at least as long as your DD has been there), I think you should contact the school and say you will support their actions, as long as it is being consistently applied to all pupils.

I am sure if they were excusing another child whose hair was dyed your DD would have mentioned it by now.

Schools are getting pathetic with these sorts of rules. I understand not having bright pink hair or rings through their noses but natural looking hair? Jesus. So controlling and not at all relevant to their learning or the schools image.

I'd politely remind them that even if she dyes it back it's not going to be 'natural' anymore. That ship has sailed. And I'd also tell them that you're too busy to deal with any more calls over something so trivial. If they feel the need to give dd detention everyday then so be it, totally over the top but she knew the rules and did it anyway so it's on her head (no pun intended).

I absolutely wouldn't be telling her to waste more money changing it. In a world where workplaces etc are striving me to be more diverse it actually stuns me how far schools have gone the other way. Totally out of touch.

This sort of crap is why so many pupils and parents are losing respect for schools! I mean do they seriously have nothing better to make a fuss about?

I would actually say this to the school.

You would think they had other things to be getting on with. Pathetic.

The hair looks gorgeous. It’s not her natural colour but it is a natural colour so I would try and push back to the school on this and apologise say that you interpreted the rules to mean this would be allowed and due to the cost don’t want to change it if possible.

not allowing this is ridiculous.

This

So she has done extra blonde in hair

Not pink blue green purple

Can't see the issue

I work at a school which does allow pink green blue whatever and guess what? Not a problem, doesn't distract students. I can't see what the fuss is about. (The uniform rules are relatively simple as well and again, doesn't effect anyone's learning...)

Dd's hair looks like a more extreme version of that picture naturally.

She spent most of sixth form with it dyed blue, green or pink. Hey ho.

I hate these silly rules. Tell them that the new colour is her natural colour and her previous colour was dyed.

Regardless, at 16 and in year 12, you’re not unreasonable to tell them that her hair being a very normal colour, is not your problem.