To tell her school that they can deal with it if they have an issue? Re uniform rules

[ThatAdeptFish]

dd is 16 and has recently gotten highlights in her natural brown hair so it’s more of a blonde now. She asked me to pay for her to have it done a while back, I said we didn’t have the money but she’s recently gotten a job and spent her first pay check on getting it done. I thought her natural hair looked nice but what she’s had done does look nice too. Doesn’t look natural as such, you can tell it’s been highlighted but it’s still a normal colour, it’s not like she’s dyed it pink or anything.

Anyway, school rules say only natural hair colours are allowed, I did tell her that before she had it done but she said that the school don’t care and other people have highlighted hair and no one says anything.

well I have had no less than 4 phone calls from the school about her hair in the past 2 weeks, saying that school rules don’t allow it and she’s refusing to dye it back so can I please talk to her and make sure she dyed it back.

I did talk to her in fairness, and she said that the school are just being ridiculous and she’s not dying it back after she spent money getting it done. School have said she will have detentions until it is dyed back. She’s in year 12 if that makes a difference, she said that they’re stricter with lower school but in sixth form they don’t really care too much, well at least that’s what she told me.

AIBU to tell the school that if they have a problem with her hair, they can give her detentions, use whatever sanctions they use, but to leave me out of it from now on? She’s 16, she has a job, I literally have no power to make her dye her hair back, she’s not a small child, and she can deal with the consequences if she doesn’t do what the school have asked, but realistically I don’t know what they want me to do about it? In every other way she’s great, she helps around the house, does her homework, goes to her job, and I really don’t consider her hair to be worth picking a fight with her over.

I'd email the school and point out the excellent point that if she dyes her hair to her usual colour then it will still be an unnatural colour.

The only way for her to not have highlights is to grow them out.

Also are they really suggesting a student to do something that might damage her hair and or skin?

It is recommended that you wait 6-8 weeks after a colour before you use other chemicals as it can damage the hair.

School rules really piss me off with shit like this.
Just why?
As parents we know to pick our battles but schools seem to have missed the memo.

My kids school has the same wording but they don't use it to ban natural looking hair dyes. To be fair, DD dyed hers a purple brown at the start of one summer hold which had mostly washed out by September and they said nothing.

The rule doesn't apply to 6th formers though. There is a whole rainbow of colours walking the halls there. This school is also a strict school and do pull up students if not wearing the correct uniform.

I’ll never understand why schools think they can dictate what someone else does with their own body. I understand the need for a uniform but rules around hair colour and style, piercings etc have absolutely nothing to do with them, with the exception of hooped earrings that may be caught or pulled and cause injury.

They can’t force her to dye her hair and it has zero effect on her education. Not much they can do without any recourse I don’t think.

Yes, because she knew in advance that they were against school rules. Is she goign to refuse to wear a uniform if they have one at her workplace?

Wow my dds school have kids with bright green and bright pink hair.

I've had my hair bright colours lots but I don't think school should allow it.

But natural colours should be allowed.

Okay so you say to them that they have misunderstood the interpretation of their own policy. It means natural colours. Of which brown and blonde are. The policy is clearly aimed at people dying it unnatural colours e.g pink and blue.

tell them if they’d like the interpretation of the policy testing then suggest they consult an education lawyer / local authority

How ridiculous! What a lot of fuss about nothing. Good for your daughter saving up to have it done.

This!

Come off it. Getting highlights in your hair isn’t even in the same ball park as refusing to wear a uniform at a place of employment.

But she didn't. The school rule requires natural colours, and she has natural colours.

Uniforms have absolutely nothing to do with it. What workplaces have rules about hair colour?

Oh dear, you really are a bit hard of thinking, aren’t you? Teachers are ADULTS at their place of work. They are not, and should not be, subject to school rules which are for the pupils!

But she didn’t know in advance it was against the school rules to dye your hair any other colour that your natural shade, did she? The rules do not say that pupils are not allowed to dye/bleach their hair, so they?

They simply require ‘natural’ - ie naturally occuring - colours.

The secondary school local to me has had to backtrack after a fairly large 'local' campaign about their 'hair policy' last month.

A boy was undergoing cancer treatment, he lost his hair. 4 of his friends and school mates shaved off their hair also - as an act of support and also to raise money for charity. The school suspended them for not following 'rules'.

Apparently their temporary baldness would do untold damage to their education it seems or it's a totalitarian mission to govern and dictate to children 'just because they can'. It's insane.

My kids go to a progressive private school - no rules on hair colour and styles at all. Kids try out all the rainbow colours at some point (my son had blue in y5/6) and then they get bored as everyone has done it. By y11-13 it’s all ‘natural’ shades (yes and most of the girls have highlights/balayage).

Even the two private, highly selective girls’ schools in the next town over, and who have top 20 places in the national league tables, have pupils with this done. They all look like [very polished] clones, really, but nonetheless it has no impact whatsoever on discipline, eductional performance or attention in class.

This school is ridiculous.

Absolutely ridiculous. Detention at A-level age is also ??!

This is like a workplaces. When the management is totally failing at their jobs they start to introduce new rules to appear to be in control and hoping nobody notices they're not getting any results.

Well she's 16 and doing her A levels which are not compulsory so actually she is not a child ( young adult) and she is choosing to be there
That said the rules ate ridiculous given her age .

Ultimately WHO is the parent?

Rules are rules - if she'd have waited until another 4 months she'd have left school.

I am sick to death of the pathetic school nonsense. Our school is the same. They ignore and can’t handle real issues like threats and bullying but goodness me if you are FREEZING in their non heated classrooms and wish to wear your jacket they’ll throw detentions at you like hell! They look at shoes and if they have a black logo on black (!) you can’t wear them. You can’t use the toilet when needed. They told my year 9 that this nonsense is to “prepare them for work, like if you’re a surgeon you can’t wear what you want”. Eff me. That goes without saying. And if you’re an artist?? Maybe they wear crazy colours and piercings?! What stupid logic is this? I understand you can’t come in with tattoos and purple hair (despite teachers looking like that and wearing their jackets!) but get a grip!! It’s all smoke and mirrors.

Surely if she dyes it back, it will be dyed not natural? 😉😊

I think it's ridiculous and tbh even at her age I'd want to speak to whoever is responsible for the policy. I wouldn't see highlights or toning as an unnatural hair colour, they literally 'lift' your own hair colour then put s toner on it to counteract brassiness. Like others have said I could understand if she'd gone in with blue stripes or something. The vast majority of workplaces now allow different hair colours and tattoos anyway, even if it's an occupation that requires you to dress smartly. It's an outdated rule as far as I'm concerned and kids should be allowed more freedom with their own appearance to help them feel more independent, especially at that age!

You ant just dye over blonde anyway, it doesn’t hold the colour and she’d have to keep redoing it.

The rule is ridiculous, especially for 6th Form. What job in the real world doesn’t allow you to colour your hair like this? I’d be telling them that they need to sort it with her themselves but you don’t support any sanctions.

Honestly, schools are like prisons.

I’d be asking how many of the staff colour their hair!

Yeah, they’ll tell you it’s to prepare them but it’s not, it’s a complete control method. I’m an ex teacher.