To tell her school that they can deal with it if they have an issue? Re uniform rules

[ThatAdeptFish]

dd is 16 and has recently gotten highlights in her natural brown hair so it’s more of a blonde now. She asked me to pay for her to have it done a while back, I said we didn’t have the money but she’s recently gotten a job and spent her first pay check on getting it done. I thought her natural hair looked nice but what she’s had done does look nice too. Doesn’t look natural as such, you can tell it’s been highlighted but it’s still a normal colour, it’s not like she’s dyed it pink or anything.

Anyway, school rules say only natural hair colours are allowed, I did tell her that before she had it done but she said that the school don’t care and other people have highlighted hair and no one says anything.

well I have had no less than 4 phone calls from the school about her hair in the past 2 weeks, saying that school rules don’t allow it and she’s refusing to dye it back so can I please talk to her and make sure she dyed it back.

I did talk to her in fairness, and she said that the school are just being ridiculous and she’s not dying it back after she spent money getting it done. School have said she will have detentions until it is dyed back. She’s in year 12 if that makes a difference, she said that they’re stricter with lower school but in sixth form they don’t really care too much, well at least that’s what she told me.

AIBU to tell the school that if they have a problem with her hair, they can give her detentions, use whatever sanctions they use, but to leave me out of it from now on? She’s 16, she has a job, I literally have no power to make her dye her hair back, she’s not a small child, and she can deal with the consequences if she doesn’t do what the school have asked, but realistically I don’t know what they want me to do about it? In every other way she’s great, she helps around the house, does her homework, goes to her job, and I really don’t consider her hair to be worth picking a fight with her over.

Teachers need to wear school uniform! End off! You wear uniform in McDonald’s in a bank why not in school?! If kids need to wear it, Teacher's need too. give them a different tie and good is.

And everyone wonders why kids don't respect authority any more 🙄 she's still a child under your care and she broke the rules, so of course you're being called about it!

Bloody ridiculous of school !!! I had thought they had stopped this type of nonsense but it appears that 41 years after I was expelled for dying the front of my blonde hair blue they still giggt with students !!!! Ignore the school the picture looks lovely ( much nicer than mine was ) keep telling them it’s only hair it doesn’t affect her brain

And everyone wonders why kids don't respect authority any more

Silly, indefensible rules do not encourage support for authority.

In my opinion this is typical of what’s wrong with schools. This sounds straight out of the 80’s to me. What a load of nonsense. Why do they have to dress so strictly?

When I was at school we had school uniform, to encourage us to dress smartly and prepare us for work. We were actively encouraged to wear ties, blazers and finely pressed shirts. You then finish school and realise absolutely no one dresses like that at work - unless you are a barrister or something….

In a world that’s trying to celebrate difference in people and love change, why are we being so authoritative and restrictive with our children? What’s that teaching them? Pipe down and do as your told? Be submissive and never question or challenge ? And, if you dare to be different AND act responsibility by taking the consequences of your actions, as this young girl has done - as we would hope any well adjusted balanced adult would - the school will then…. throw their toys out of the pram and tell on you and tell on you again to your parents???! Way to go school…. Great life lessons here….

@RhiannonTheRed People of all ages lose respect for authority when those in authority abuse their power to play silly power games over hair colour.

The kids I despair for are the ones being raised to blindly do what they’re told without question at the age of 16. I mean there are only so many jobs available in the armed forces, what are the rest of them going to do?

I've never heard of a school being this ridiculous! As has quite rightly been pointed out, they're asking you to make her change one hair dye for another! And especially in sixth form, sorry but they should have the freedom to have highlights!

I'm a uniform policy follower all the way usually but I'd be standing up for my daughter here. This isn't pink highlights or purple ones which you could argue with that policy - it IS a natural hair colour she has used.

To me, she hasn't broken the policy - not the way most schools would follow that wording anyway! I went to a school sixth form with a girl who started wearing striped tights - they were not happy with her going round like a bumble bee! But she pointed out there were rules on colour of skirt, shoes, blouse etc - but the tights had absolutely no colours mentioned. And they had to let her wear them 😂

School are being ridiculous. She’s in sixth form and it’s a natural colour which their rules say are ok. My sixth former daughter has her hair highlighted and no way would I even attempt to make her dye it if the school asked me to. I’d refer them to their own policy. I’d just say that next time she’s at the hairdresser you’ll suggest she asks for a toner to be put on and otherwise ignore them and let them deal with it as they see fit.

This is all you need to say

School shouldn’t be able to tell a 16 year old that she can’t have highlights. How ridiculous!

In sixth form each bum on seat is worth $$ so do not underestimate the power she actually has. Assuming she’s generally a good kid in school and doing ok, they’ll want to keep her so she could quite easily unnerve them by talking about transferring to another college or school….even take a few hours off to go and look at one (don’t have to do any of it, just make them think you are).

If she spent 6 weeks surfing in Australia she’d come back with hair like this. Still natural.
i wonder if the hairdresser did a bad job and its more like a zebra crossing, which is the problem.

Yes, exactly what I was thinking of too. If she leaves, the school will lose a portion of funding they had for her place. The strict rules might also encourage others to decide to complete their A Levels elsewhere, especially if she makes a bit of a fuss about how ridiculous it is. I'm wondering what happens when students turn 18 in Year 13 - technically an adult, but still not allowed to dye their hair?? I'm an ex teacher - non-natural hair colours were not allowed in my school, but pupils could dye their hair naturally occurring shades - and your daughter's hair would have been fine. I'm also shocked that they give detentions out in sixth form. Her hair colour certainly doesn't affect her education, but their imposition of the rules could have this effect - turning her against school, impacting on her self-esteem and mental health. They are making what's already a difficult time (A-Levels can be so stressful, as well as just being a teen) into something much more difficult. Even if she continues to "happily" attend detention, it adds an unnecessary burden to her day. Perhaps you could ask them to judge the impact the imposition of rules might have upon your daughter and how it might then affect her education. And with this in mind, deciding to change to a more relaxed college could be a perfectly reasonable decision.

tell the school to bog off! not like she dyed it bright green. Blonde IS a natural colour, just not hers, so technically she hasn’t broken any rules 😂

I am a teacher. Would defend to the end my right to not be subject to the same rules as a child of 16 who is a pupil in the school.

But they are not adults. And they ARE pupils, not staff. Why should staff follow rules which are for pupils? A convincing reason, not ‘because you think so’.
Schools I have worked in have a dress code for staff.

I take it you didn’t last long in school.

mo3a I doubt they'd lose funding mid year. When I had reason to pull my DC out, school continued to receive that years funding.
Fair enough, what ever I thought of them, they shouldn't suffer financial disruption through it.

However they then made a concerted attempt to claim his APA for themselves for the following year as well, knowing he wasn't there and no chance he would be returning.
I don't know how common it is Had I not been in a court case with them at the time, it wouldn't have come out.

They are sixth form students though so neither young children or compulsory school age
Thankfully my don who is he same age goes to college and hey have non of this nonsense

"Abuse their power", good grief. Plenty of work places have policies on how their staff dress, how heavy their make up is, how their hair colour can be. Yes likely her hair as it is wouldn't be an issue for most employers, but its the school's rules.

How heavy their make up is?

Maybe if you work at Hooters. Not otherwise.

Seems very daft.
They're focusing their attention on "disciplining" a kid with highlights and I'm sure there are more serious things going on that need sorting?

Of course kids need to learn to stick to rules to be law abiding citizens and prepare for working life, but I can't think in real life there will be many (if any?) jobs or situations that don't allow blond highlighted hair? Maybe the armed forces??? (Can anyone verify?)

I remember once my kid disagreed with one of the rules at her school. I couldn't think of a reason why this rule was in place either (can't actually remember what it was....) so I suggested she emailed the head of year, and politely say that although she is adhering to the rule, she just wanted an explanation as to why the rule was in place. Seemed reasonable that if a rule was so strictly enforced that one should understand why it exists...

It will impact their retention and achievement statistics for this year which will directly damage the funding they receive for next year as that is calculated based on the success of the previous year.

Any post 16 organisation with common sense would very quickly try and stop a loss of a student who is on track at this stage of the year!

*mo3a *Thank you for clarification. Mine was well pre 16, and the pupil funding supposedly followed the pupil at the time.

Hate those ridiculous rules- so many more important things, like bullying, etc.

BUT, you accepted a place at that school, and your daughter agreed to stay in the 6th Form, in full knowledge of the rules, which are clear. If you didn't like the rules, if she didn't agree with them, she should have gone to another college.

But agree that it is her problem.