To tell her school that they can deal with it if they have an issue? Re uniform rules

[ThatAdeptFish]

dd is 16 and has recently gotten highlights in her natural brown hair so it’s more of a blonde now. She asked me to pay for her to have it done a while back, I said we didn’t have the money but she’s recently gotten a job and spent her first pay check on getting it done. I thought her natural hair looked nice but what she’s had done does look nice too. Doesn’t look natural as such, you can tell it’s been highlighted but it’s still a normal colour, it’s not like she’s dyed it pink or anything.

Anyway, school rules say only natural hair colours are allowed, I did tell her that before she had it done but she said that the school don’t care and other people have highlighted hair and no one says anything.

well I have had no less than 4 phone calls from the school about her hair in the past 2 weeks, saying that school rules don’t allow it and she’s refusing to dye it back so can I please talk to her and make sure she dyed it back.

I did talk to her in fairness, and she said that the school are just being ridiculous and she’s not dying it back after she spent money getting it done. School have said she will have detentions until it is dyed back. She’s in year 12 if that makes a difference, she said that they’re stricter with lower school but in sixth form they don’t really care too much, well at least that’s what she told me.

AIBU to tell the school that if they have a problem with her hair, they can give her detentions, use whatever sanctions they use, but to leave me out of it from now on? She’s 16, she has a job, I literally have no power to make her dye her hair back, she’s not a small child, and she can deal with the consequences if she doesn’t do what the school have asked, but realistically I don’t know what they want me to do about it? In every other way she’s great, she helps around the house, does her homework, goes to her job, and I really don’t consider her hair to be worth picking a fight with her over.

Would you really?? Because you would look a total prat. For the umpteenth time, staff are adults in their place of work and not subject to school rules.

Just. Why? It’s totally irrelevant!

@Pottedpalm teachers do have rules they need to follow so if there are going to be silly rules for students you might as well have them for teachers too

There's absolutely nothing wrong with challenging rules peacefully.

Ridiculous. She’s expressing her individuality and creativity. How on earth does it impact upon her learning?! I bet a visit to the staff room would be evidence of lots of hair dye!
I wouldn’t be encouraging her to dye it back and I’d be telling school that. She doesn’t deserve punishment!

I think your daughter is being much sweeter than me, just using the detentions to her advantage.
I'd probably have just thought "fuck it then, might as well just go for neon pink and yellow stripes if I'm getting the punishments regardless"

Oh my god how can a school tell you, you can't highlight your hair. They are there to learn, their hair colour should not come in to it. She had highlighted it not dyed it blue. These schools rules are just ridiculous.

This policy probably came about for a well-thought-out reason, and then applied consistently without exceptions (the latter is definitely sensible in my experience of being a teacher).

That said, your stance is also sensible: she paid for it herself, and you're allowing her to deal with her hair (and any potential consequences) independently.

My Year 12, 16 year old DD dyed her hair pink over the weekend, "for an A Level Drama piece"... There's clearly a huge difference in attitudes between school sixth forms and colleges!

In your shoes, I'd do exactly as you suggest and let the school know that your daughter is 16 and therefore has full bodily autonomy, and you have no power (or desire) to force her to change the colour of her hair. However they choose to sanction her over this is up to them, but surely "natural hair colours only" simply means they can't have hair any colour that doesn't occur naturally (i.e. blue or pink)?

I'd back my daughter on this one, and tell them you do not consent to detentions over this and that you want to meet with the governors. There's not a job out there that'd make this much fuss over highlights.... They need to focus on things that improve education and children's lives for the greater good.

She’s unlucky to be in a school that complains about this for a year 12. All tge schools round here are non uniform years 12-13. Most have no clothing/hair rules. Some of the private school kids have to wear smart workwear equivalents, but that’s about it

I take it none of the teachers dye their hair I mean its school rules after all 🤷‍♀️

Absolutely this.

Are you in England OP? I am absolutely flabbergasted at what the fuck goes on in English schools.

After the other thread about kids not being allowed to take blazers off all day, or not being allowed to wear coats (!) Never mind all the pish about fining parents for taking their own damn children out of school 🙄

I don't understand why anyone is putting up with such shite: the kids and the parents. Fucking madness. Never heard the like here in Scotland.

staff are adults in their place of work and not subject to school rules

Yes, we do understand this. Some of us question the rationale for the difference, especially for students who are nearly adults.

Sixth form was all about finding your own style and expressing it when I was there. I also don't recall anyones parents being called once we got into sixth form. I don't know if this is just the way things are these days or it's your DDs sixth form being OTT but either way it is ridiculous, hair colour has nothing to do with education and as she has worked for her money and paid for it herself it isn't your place to dictate how she has her hair either.

Ridiculous! I could understand if was pink etc but blonde highlights?! As others have said ask to see a copy of their policy and see how it is worded - natural colour is different to the child’s natural colour. I’d also be tempted to say to her and school that it’s between them and if she’s not bothered about detentions let her get on with it

Hate these ridiculous rules schools come up with.
They are there to teach should be getting on with it pick your arguments they say is it affecting her learning no is it affecting anyone else's learning no.
They should be treating them more as adults now getting them ready for the work place no work place would ever refuse highlights.
I'd be telling them that if they want to go down the detention route then so be it as it won't be dyed back. its a work place acceptable hairstyle so stop being so ridiculous and start treating them like the young adults they are about to become.
Teachers have become little hitters no wonder education in the mess its in too bothered about a tassle on a shoe and the length of a pair of trousers.

I have a P7 class and i think 3 have highlights and no one bothers.
Christ when I was 16 and at high school, I had a tattoo 😂

How bizarre. Highlighted hair looks pretty natural, especially on someone with light brown. It seems odd. Like a black person can't lighten their hair bit a white person could? Natural colours means any shades of black, brown, blonde and red surely? At 16 she should just keep it, and deal with whatever punishment but not without clarifying the alleged policy and definition of natural.

This girl has a job and her employer doesn't have a problem with it so what's the schools problem with it. I'm all for rules that have a purpose but this just seems over the top its a power trip to inflict ridiculous rules for no reason whatsoever. Teachers need to teach

She has a job and it doesn't affect her job her employer is fine with it so why is her hair upsetting the school if its fine for an adult to attend school with highlights and it's not deemed offensive why is a 16yr old student with highlights a problem
At what age do highlights not become a problem.

Really? Is it preventing her learning? Is it stopping her from attending? So why is it such a big deal? Surely there are far more importsnt issues for school to get theirb teeth into. As you say she is 16 and could be continuing her studies in a very different environment.

Sounds to me like they’ve realised the detentions aren’t bothering her so that’s why they’re hassling you.

Id just tell them you’ve read the rule and she’s not breaking it. That using more dye to cover up the ‘illegal’ dye is ridiculous. They’re free to issue sanctions but you won’t be assisting them.

I mean she may as well have pink or green hair if they’re going to carry on like this over blonde highlights.

Actually the school are in the wrong. It’s a natural hair colour by definition all blonds are highlighted or not. My hair is multi coloured and when not dyed it looks like those expensive highlights lowlights so I assure you highlights are not unnatural.

Pick your battles and this is one you would win.

I mean thought crimes, Anyone? 1984? Hitler Youth? Where do they stop?!

In the rest of the world you can have any colour you like as it has no influence on your learning except maybe it makes more creative which is encouraged!

Blonde is a natural hair colour. What ARE they talking about?