Husband went to friends house for dinner and didn't get back until 4am. Aibu to find this odd?

[JudyLemon]

DH has a friendship group of about 10, all male. Friends fiance loves to invite all of their friendship group over on a semi regular basis and cook for them. He has been twice before and came home around 11 each time.

Last night was one of these meals, she was making chimichangas apparently. He left for theirs at around 5 and got back at 4am this morning. He was a little drunk but seemed fine. We didn't really speak last night and obviously he's still asleep this morning. He doesn’t go out much and is great in all other ways so this really shouldn't bother me but I just feel really uncomfortable with how long he was there.

To be clear, I do not particularly like the fiance and this may be clouding my judgement. I find it quite desperate that she wants to invite a group of men over and cook for them. She's quite abit younger than me and DH and his friends so I guess I'm making a judgement on that too.

Aibu to be annoyed or should I try to not be grumpy with him when he wakes up?

Thank you for the replies everyone, I'm going to talk to my husband about it today, he's up now but just a little tender headed.

I think maybe I am being a little unreasonable to have an issue with it however I do still find it odd. It is always all men, they're an all male friendship group and have been since school days. I do meet with his friends and their partners on occasion and we enjoy their company. I have also enjoyed the company of the hostess on the few times I've met her. I just find her very keen to be liked and the perception I have of her is that she is not a "woman's woman". This may be wrong of me but we all make judgements. Also, usually she doesn't cook and then go to do her own thing, she hangs out with them. And finally, the invite does come from her, she invited them in person on this occasion, after my husband and his friends helped their friend with something.

If she is cooking for 10 because she loves cooking surely 20 would be even better.

The fact that she hangs around with them AND she was the one to invite them over this time is weird.
If she loves cooking for 10, why not 15...

Ah, so it's perfectly normal for a woman to believe someone's partner doesn't like her - so exclude every other partner.

Who said only cooking for his friends is her hobby.

Because anyone who likes cooking will organise at least one dinner party that isn't just lads night, with the same group. Or a sub group. Cooking for 10 men is the same as cooking for 4-5 couples at 2 dinner parties.

Having an issue with some random woman hosting her DH's friends in her own home smacks of jealousy, thinly veiled by the use of 'pick me' in a poor attempt to shift the insecurity away from yourself.

I think the friend's wife sounds lovely, and wants to cook for her husband's night in. She probably then makes herself scarce.
OP, YABU.

And it’s also weird that she apparently falls out with her female friends frequently and that this is when these invitations to her fiancé’s male friends are issued.

Nope not weird!

We invite DHs friends over (men) for drinks or food on a regular basis and I hang out with them. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Sounds like your upset you don't get invited.

Why would those saying it is "pick me" behavior be jealous. They don't know OP or the woman who loves to cook for all the men so what do you think they would be jealous of?

You wouldn't think it weird though would you?

At the end of the day if it’s out of character and you arent happy you are right in your feelings. Your husbands reaction will tell you a lot. Me and my partner have an agreement. We say where we’re going, who were with and roughly when we will be home. No controlling, respect. I’d we are enjoying our self’s and expect to be later we just drop a text so say hey babe looks like I’ll be home a bit later, looking more like x. We don’t message when we’re out with friends but we do respect one another and communicate. I’d be pissed if my partner went out and come back so late without communicating just as he would with me. Set your own boundaries

Feminism is going backwards at this point - because what?!

The projection is insane

I find it a bit odd she invites all these men round and cooks for them, but does not invite their partners? I guess hopefully the fact a woman was there would mean they would be less likely to be misbehaving though. It could be she distrusts her man and would rather they were under her roof kind of thing?

Did you get woken up by him coming in late? If so I would be a little annoyed.
Would you rather the group went out somewhere, just the men? I feel that could be worse, if he went 'out' to bars/club and came back at 4am it would probably seem a bit more suspicious.
If he was coming in that late several times a week then it wouldn't be great. It sounds like they had a bit of a sesh. If the lateness bothers you, you need to think about the reason why. If it's because you dislike the friend's wife then that's not the best of reasons. He should be letting you know he's going to be late so you don't worry about him, as that's just courtesy.
Would he be OK with you coming in that late from a friends' house occasionally? If so then I think you shouldn't be too pissed at him.

And this sort of childish, misogynistic name calling is getting really old.

One day you may accept women are different and are ok with different things.

Yeah and then why not invite their kids, parents and inlaws. I mean it's not like there'll be a limit on space 🙄

Not as insecure (or tragic) as spending your Sunday on Mumsnet being unpleasant to a random woman on MN posting for advice.

If one of the wives of one of my husbands (really our) friends invited him and not me, yes, I would think it weird and having just asked him, so would he.

But his friends come round here to watch the rugby etc now and again or for a BBQ etcb ut DH sorts out the food - same if he goes to their houses.

Why would those saying it is "pick me" behavior be jealous. They don't know OP or the woman who loves to cook for all the men so what do you think they would be jealous of?

Sorry Wombat, but all of your posts scream jealous. Almost certain that you know someone like this woman in real life and it touches a nerve. Or the thought of this being your husband makes on feel threatened.

A woman who likes cooking offering to make food. Wow, shocking.

"the perception I have of her is that she is not a "woman's woman". This may be wrong of me but we all make judgements. Also, usually she doesn't cook and then go to do her own thing, she hangs out with them."

Yup, the impression I'm getting is that she prefers the validation company of men to women, and I just had an inkling she'd be hanging around too probably a bit on the flirty, cool girl side too🙄Just my gut feeling. How odd that they've only been together about a year and this has happened multiple times, coinciding when she's fallen out with her friends. Hmm, falling out with friends multiple times in a single year doesn't give me a great impression of her to be frank.

So if op posted that everybody else’s partner was invited, but she wasn’t. That would fine? Don’t kid yourself.

Maybe there’s a couple of partners who can’t stand the younger woman doing something they don’t want to do. And would prefer non of them there. a few of them on here. Maybe the whole group has decided they would prefer if their own partners aren’t there. Maybe it’s actually been borne out of discussion her and her partner have had and he doesn’t want the partners there.

What do you mean ‘anyone who likes cooking?’ Like everyone who likes cooking has the same thoughts and feelings. You would want to do couples nights. Not everyone does.

Also, usually she doesn't cook and then go to do her own thing, she hangs out with them. And finally, the invite does come from her, she invited them in person on this occasion, after my husband and his friends helped their friend with something.

Well then it makes perfect sense she invited them, as they've obviously become her friends too now.

Not as insecure (or tragic) as spending your Sunday on Mumsnet being unpleasant to a random woman on MN posting for advice.

Sorry, who or what are you talking about? Looks like you tagged the wrong post. But if you're tagging mine- the irony is strong. You're posting on Sunday and being nasty for no reason.

But feel free to spout your misogyny about any woman you feel threatened by. And anyone who calls you out and gets under your skin, too.

Funny how a comment not aimed at you caught your attention @todaysdilemma.

I don’t think it’s weird. And if I were to guess what’s going on,I would think the woman’s husband is the one inviting his mates for a boys night. His Partner probably doesn’t want to leave the house (why should she if she lives there as well?) and has offered to cook for them. Mexican food tends to be easy enough to make in massive batches. I don’t think this is her being a good little wifey or whatever patronising put down other posters have been saying. She might just enjoy cooking, or she cooks as a favour to her partner. Doing something nice for someone isn’t always about being a cool wife or a pick me girl. Sometimes people just enjoy doing nice things for the ones they love. I’ve had times when I’ve had girlfriends round and my OH has played bartender all night. Also when you’ve had some drinks and are in good company, it’s very easy to lose track of time and carry on until the early morning hours.

Honestly, you don’t know this woman. At all.

and if she is caught up in the patriarchy and feels this is what she should do, why the scorn and distain for her?

It smacks of ‘she just isn’t that enlightened as us, we are just built different’

Its not enlightened or remotely feminist to to talk so scornfully about a woman you don’t know, because she makes different choices.

Op doesn’t want to host. She doesn’t mind. It’s really that simple. Her husband dared have a night at his mates and came home late. That’s literally all that happened

To be honest, you don’t give the impression of being a woman’s woman either.