Husband went to friends house for dinner and didn't get back until 4am. Aibu to find this odd?

[JudyLemon]

DH has a friendship group of about 10, all male. Friends fiance loves to invite all of their friendship group over on a semi regular basis and cook for them. He has been twice before and came home around 11 each time.

Last night was one of these meals, she was making chimichangas apparently. He left for theirs at around 5 and got back at 4am this morning. He was a little drunk but seemed fine. We didn't really speak last night and obviously he's still asleep this morning. He doesn’t go out much and is great in all other ways so this really shouldn't bother me but I just feel really uncomfortable with how long he was there.

To be clear, I do not particularly like the fiance and this may be clouding my judgement. I find it quite desperate that she wants to invite a group of men over and cook for them. She's quite abit younger than me and DH and his friends so I guess I'm making a judgement on that too.

Aibu to be annoyed or should I try to not be grumpy with him when he wakes up?

What a lot of mental gymnastics to prove your point.

None of which equal to a healthy or well adjusted view of socialising, cooking or hosting - all of which are exclusionary and sexist, and actually don't benefit this woman at all. The sad thing is, all this effort the woman is putting into men who aren't even her friends and never will be (because it's a school group and their loyalty with always be to each other and their own partners). No amount of chimichangas will change that.

I work with someone in real life who behaves like this but she doesn't know DH so not personally effected and I'm certainly not jealous.

Funny that some posters are accusing others of being "jealous" of this woman. But jealous of what exactly? The attention she's getting from a group of men? But she's not doing it for the attention of men is she? Eh?

I wouldn't dream of hanging about if my partner had just his male mates round, it would completely change the dynamic of their socialising. Same as if my friends' husbands are around during our catch-ups.

The chimichangas

It caught my eye, because it was the only post in hundreds that was just plain nasty to the OP with no helpful advice or food for thought - using the banner of 'feminism'.

NC so I don't get slated!!!!
Unfortunately I have been this person! In my 20s, I grew out of it. But I did have a BF who was 8 years older than me, and I did cook for his friend's and hang out with them, and yes I guess it was about validation for me. Its like how it's always easier (IME) to meet a guys dad and brothers vs his mum and sisters. Guys are often really only expecting you to be charming, they respond pretty easily to you so it's an easy boost. Whereas women tend to "look at you" harder, they want to get to the bottom of you I guess.
Being the younger fun one and the only woman in a group of guys is quite a pleasant experience and now I am in my 30s with a lower tolerance for BS I never find myself in that situation, but I do recognise it in other (younger) women. Because I remember being there I don't really hold it against them though. It's a phase. One day I hope to enter the "wise woman" phase, you know when you have a group of women and you have that one who's older than the rest and gives off this air of having lived a few interesting lives.
Probably this young woman's actions stem from not feeling secure about her sense of self when put under the spotlight by other women. Your best bet is not to tackle your DP about this but why not invite her and her partner over for dinner and see what you can learn about her.

On the other hand maybe she does just really like making chimichangas for 10 blokes, maybe we will never know 😅

Your first paragraph makes no sense. Jealously doesn't mean someone is going something wrong, it's an internal feeling. You might feel jealous if an attractive woman is next to your DH at the gym, doesn't mean she's doing it for attention.

And making a point of not being around men... how is that any better? It's like avoiding temptation or what?

Other people assuming that’s what’s she is doing and being jealous of that, doesn’t mean that’s why she is doing it.

Thats their thought process. Not hers.

Why else would women be annoyed that another woman chooses to do something they don’t want to do? At least jealousy makes sense.

Being annoyed a woman likes to do different things isn’t really a reason for all the nasty stuff that’s been said.

@todaysdilemma
I wasn't talking to op, so what are you on about?

Op is clearly much more rational than you, she just came to ask advice.

You on the other hand still here jealous over her DH, apparently. She's moved on with her life and accepted that she may BU. And picking fights with random posters not talking to you, because you're confronted by your insecurities and misogyny. Even pretending to defend op as a shield. Good way to spend your Sunday

But if that is the reason.

why would people feel the need to talk about her with such distain.

If she is doing it because she is insecure, or unsure of herself in the relationship why dislike her because of it.

If op thought it was that, surely, she would feel a bit sorry for her. Not be suspicious and jealous. If the other miners on this thread recognised that, why would they be so scornful rather than feeling a bit sorry for her.

Chairs.Crockery. Cutlery. Glasses.

Having enough for 11 people is within realms of a normal house. Having enough for 20 is catering supplies territory.

The only issue here is whether you trust him or not. If not, you know what to do. If you do, you have to trust that there were innocent reasons for his late return.

FWIW I've had nights with friends where we've lost track of time and talked into the early hours of the morning - no drugs or even alcohol involved. It happens.

The woman just sounds to me as she enjoys the camaraderie of old friends catching up and facilitating it with food.

It's a plus, they're not going to get blind drunk if they've lined their stomachs 😆

4am seemed really late to me but that is ONLY me, I'm a homebody nowadays!

Ah, so you first called OP jealous and insecure. But now she's rational and I'm jealous of her DH..

At least you're consistent in thinking everything stems from jealousy.

More fool her with her chimichangas.

I wouldn't worry otherwise personally, unless you've got stuff planned today and he can't do it because of being out so late.

Women have agency and can also have deeply unhealthy motivations and rationale what for cooking?
Go on what evil is she actually cooking up?!

We are jealous because we want to invite all our DHs male friends around too and cook for them but our DHs are not letting us.😂

Maybe reciprocate? Invite the blokes to yours? You can easily cater for 10.

Yes and maybe get some drugs in too, raise the stakes and see how chimichanga chick responds

Yep, cooking to gain validation from the opposite sex. Or cooking because someone thinks it will win them friends, not realising people may enjoy your food and still not connect with you emotionally. Or cooking because you were told the way to a man's heart is through food. Or a man cooking because he was told it was more likely to get him laid early doors.

Plenty of unhealthy motivations behind cooking.

@todaysdilemma didn't say anything to op. Seriously, get a life. Why don't you go search through this thread and find a post where anything I said was to OP.

I said a post you didn't like because it made you think you midget be spouting misogynistic insecure nonsense. And it makes you uncomfortable.

You clearly have an issue with someone in your personal life, as you admitted here. Not my problem. And dont hide behind 'I'm just defending op'.

Op doesn't need defending. She's a normal rational person who very quickly accepted she may be unreasonable, before I even posted here. And she's got on with her life.

But I'll leave you to have a think about why you're so invested in this scenario. Washings hung up and I'm going out now.

It's fairly obvious that they were sitting around and drinking and talking, or possibly watching stuff on TV or playing music or similar. The chances are that the hostess buggered off to bed at 11 and left them to it.

Thanks for the update. I was waiting on tenterhooks and can now get on with my day knowing that your washing is hung up.

Well this is it.

So is it simply distain for a woman making different choices?

If people are doing something I wouldn’t do, I wouldn’t feel jealous. I wouldn’t care. I would be think ‘rather her than me’, if she is happy doing it’

i wouldn’t want 10 men in my house all night no matter how great they were. So again, rather her than me if she doesn’t mind.

I simply don’t get the nastiness towards her. Or get where it comes from

The audacity of her!!