Husband went to friends house for dinner and didn't get back until 4am. Aibu to find this odd?

[JudyLemon]

DH has a friendship group of about 10, all male. Friends fiance loves to invite all of their friendship group over on a semi regular basis and cook for them. He has been twice before and came home around 11 each time.

Last night was one of these meals, she was making chimichangas apparently. He left for theirs at around 5 and got back at 4am this morning. He was a little drunk but seemed fine. We didn't really speak last night and obviously he's still asleep this morning. He doesn’t go out much and is great in all other ways so this really shouldn't bother me but I just feel really uncomfortable with how long he was there.

To be clear, I do not particularly like the fiance and this may be clouding my judgement. I find it quite desperate that she wants to invite a group of men over and cook for them. She's quite abit younger than me and DH and his friends so I guess I'm making a judgement on that too.

Aibu to be annoyed or should I try to not be grumpy with him when he wakes up?

@JudyLemon how often are all the men and their partners having everyone over for dinner parties, including you of course! You should do it soon then you can see this obviously conniving harlot in action!!

I'm not sure everyone understands the dynamics here. This is a man inviting his 10 friends over and little wifey cooks and serves. No other partners included.

I mean you could do the same op? I wouldn't want to though.
It's highly unlikely anything happened with her given her dp and 9 other men are there.

Most likely poker and possibly some cocaine

Or you know, cooking is just her hobby? 🤷‍♂️

But it wouldn't be Mumsnet without people jumping to the extreme 🤣🤣

Exactly. She's obviously not the one sending out the invitations she's just offering to cook them some food if they come over. The invite will be from her partner to his friends. I suspect the OP worded it as her inviting them to get more responses that agreed with her.

Cocaine now too! 🤣🤣

I suspect the OP worded it as her inviting them to get more responses that agreed with her.

And boy did it work lol

I am just wondering what responsibilities your DH has that make it OK for him to stay out until 11pm but not for an extra 5 hours?

Also does she just cook them something simple (like chimichangas) then leave them to it to have their boys night. I suspect itwas just poker or gaming or similar that meant it drifted later. Perhaps the very fact that they are childfree and she is a fiancee means that their place is the ideal place for boys night with no worries about waking kids.

Parts of this thread are cool wife central. 🙄

Eh, maybe she isn't liked because she excludes ALL her partner's friends every time she hosts? Exclusion isn't normally something that earns friends is it?

And how on earth can you equate women cooking in general with a woman who likes cooking for GROUPS of MEN without their partners. Men who aren't even HER friends and have partners. Why on earth would anyone, man or woman, want to exclude partners all the time for something as basic as a dinner party.

THAT is 1950s behaviour - because men couldn't cook for themselves and needed women to host their dinner parties. Except then it was the men asking their partners to do so, whereas here the partner is actually initiating and organising.

As I said, if she also likes cooking for her own female friends without partners, maybe she just enjoys single sex groups - I personally find people who can only ever socialise in single sex settings weird in general.

On the face of it seems a nice think to do, but I think It's a bit "Stepford wife" of her if it's a regular thing she does. Personally, if I were in her position, I would be making myself scarce on lads' nights in, probably arranging an evening with my own friends rather than catering. It does seem a little odd that she doesn't occasionally invite the partners too and cater for everyone. Why just men? Does she ever invite all her female friends over and get her fiance to make the food? Is she a "prefers men to women" type woman @JudyLemon

My DH would never invite a load of his mates over and expect me to cook fot them. Sounds like she has a real prince there.

or perhaps he doesn't expect it and she offers or likes to?

Why just men? Does she ever invite all her female friends over and get her fiance to make the food? Is she a "prefers men to women" type woman @JudyLemon

Well according to the OP’s DH she falls out with her female friends quite a lot and that’s when these gatherings usually happen….

"I'm not sure everyone understands the dynamics here. This is a man inviting his 10 friends over and little wifey cooks and serves. No other partners included."
Yep. People do understand. Some of us do the same except that it's "little manny" cooking.

…because women have no agency, and can’t decide themselves, that they want to cook a large meal - we must be “oppressed” if we enjoy cooking - claptrap

I could easily imagine a scenario where my DH said “oh it would be great to get together with Dave, Fred, Hiroshi, Stu, Dave, Akhil, Ben, Fernando and Dave but it’s a bit awkward cos Ben lost his job and can’t afford to eat out and Stu and his wife are saving for IVF and Dave got us thrown out of Frankie & Benny’s last time”….resulting in me saying “tell you what, I could make a load of chilli and you can have them all round here, as long as you keep Dave under control.”

I might well enjoy the cooking bit, having a big group enjoying my food, maybe getting a few compliments on the food. I’d bank it for a time in the future when I wanted something in return. Kind of like organising a kids’ party…

Seriously, cooking is a hobby or something you enjoy doing in a chilled situation where you can put some music on and have a drink and enjoy the process/experiment, not when you have 10 men in the next room having drinks and waiting for their dindins

This thread is insane. What is going on with mumsnetters at the moment? Is it an age thing?

My husband invites his friends over for a
lads night. They watch movies or play on the PlayStation. I’m a good cook and enjoy it so I’ll offer to make them a chilli, burgers, etc.
I’ll often then get an early night, I don’t sit with them.
Some of the men go home early and some stay late.
That’s it, nothing else in it.
Nothing sordid or illegal. I’m not trying to be a “pick me” girl. Some women just like their husbands and don’t mind their friends 🤷🏼‍♀️

Women have agency and can also have deeply unhealthy motivations and rationale. If someone's 'hobby' is to only cook for her DH's male friends - never hosting mixed sex dinner parties for smaller groups of couples - it isn't about the cooking or the hosting or seeing friends, it's about validation from the opposite sex.

Anyone who likes cooking/hosting would organise at least an occasional event for other couples - even if just a few of her DH's friends and their wives.

Assume you organise similar events for your own female friends or have mixed sex dinner parties too - since you like cooking?

What's insane is a woman cooking her husbands friends burgers like they are kids at a sleepover

When you ask whether it is an age thing are you assuming that those that think it weird are younger than you. I think it's the other way around tbh.

Who said only cooking for his friends is her hobby.

It’s more likely, that cooking in general is the hobby. And on lac soon she does it for her partners friends.

Why would someone organise it for the partners? Op doesn’t like her. Or would it be ok to invite everyone’s partner except Op? Why should anyone have someone in their home who doesn’t like them?

OP did say that, yes, but I'm not convinced it's accurate. It's possible that that's just OP's perception of it, seeing as she's fairly negative about the fiancé generally.

If it is accurate then I think it would be odd, but applying Okham's razor I'd plump for the guy instigating the evening with his mates and she likes cooking for them.

It is very odd, OP.

The thought of regularly inviting my DHs masses of friends round and cooking for them - and none of my own friends and/or their partners - is not my idea of fun!!

Why don't the guys go out?

#CoolWife #StrangeSituation