Husband went to friends house for dinner and didn't get back until 4am. Aibu to find this odd?

[JudyLemon]

DH has a friendship group of about 10, all male. Friends fiance loves to invite all of their friendship group over on a semi regular basis and cook for them. He has been twice before and came home around 11 each time.

Last night was one of these meals, she was making chimichangas apparently. He left for theirs at around 5 and got back at 4am this morning. He was a little drunk but seemed fine. We didn't really speak last night and obviously he's still asleep this morning. He doesn’t go out much and is great in all other ways so this really shouldn't bother me but I just feel really uncomfortable with how long he was there.

To be clear, I do not particularly like the fiance and this may be clouding my judgement. I find it quite desperate that she wants to invite a group of men over and cook for them. She's quite abit younger than me and DH and his friends so I guess I'm making a judgement on that too.

Aibu to be annoyed or should I try to not be grumpy with him when he wakes up?

I think it depressing that people think it totally normal for a wife to invite their DHs all male friends around to cook for them.

😂

you are being ridiculous OP.

So you are saying there are 10 men and 1 woman there? Do you think she’s got her eye on all of them?!

If she wasn’t there- would you be bothered?

It sounds like she has cooked something simple, so her husband and his friends can have a good night. I bet she has gone to sit and watch TV in another room and left them to it!

my friends husband serves us drinks when we’re all having a girls night in at hers- but he’s otherwise pottering around the house!

He was at a friend’s house! He didn’t roll in from a strip club at 4am, he wasn’t wasted, he didn’t puke on the floor or wet himself, he just had a night at his mates and came home late. No harm no foul.

if you have a problem invite them to yours next time and you can see what they get up to!!

They live together and presumably she's offered to cook. Get over your jelaousy

Why?

People are saying men do it for them. Why is it so horrific for a woman to do it.

This thread is amazing. They don’t want to do something. But another woman wants to. So they simultaneously judge her, become suspicious her and sneers. All because she doesn’t something they don’t want to.

why is that?

The OP stresses that the woman in question is the one who initiates it. I mean, I wouldn’t be doing it myself, but, if it’s not any kind of gendered, coerced expectation forced on her, it’s hardly something to get exercised about .

It is a bit random tbf 😂

I don't think it is completely normal for there to be one women regularly socialising in a group of 10 men and she isn't really an equal in the group if she is regularly cooking for them.

First thought was coke.

Second was that I had assumed partners were also invited.

It's fairly strange that it's only the men invited.

It’s not regular is it? Op says her husband doesn’t go out much. And I assume this isn’t his only social activity. That he doesn’t nothing else ever.

Huh?

my friend does it regularly, she’s a large house and he likes all his mates round, she loves cooking, so is happy to do so. Why the issue?

I’ve also done it many times if my husband has his friends round.
do you think women have to leave if their partners friends come round? Like leave the men to their cigars? Or they can’t cook if they enjoy it, as it’s somehow demeaning ?

how very odd and antiquated,

Nobody has said that their DH invites their friends around (unless for a surprise birthday) or that their DH considers themselves to be part if their all female friendship group.

My husband has had groups of friends over before.

I have cooked, as I enjoy it, and then I go off and watch Below Deck and leave them to it.

This really isn't an uncommon thing amongst people I know.

But then I am also younger than my husband so maybe everyone judges me too 🤷🏼‍♀️

To me this sounds more like she doesn't really like her partner going out with his friends on lads nights out so persuades him to have his friends over. I find it weird she doesn't invite partners though

Perhaps it is my age but to me inviting your partners all male friends around and cooking for them seems quite antiquated. It happened alot in the 70s when the menz invited their colleagues for dinner and their wives would cook.

I don't understand why the partners are NEVER invited when the fiancée is effectively hosting. Apart from everything else, is this the 1950s where the little woman needs to cook for all the men when they want to party?? I can understand once but all the time? Actually even in the 1950s partners would be invited. I really hope she hosts similar parties for HER female friends.

He obv didn't get up to anything since we wasn't even drunk when he got back and you'd know if he'd done coke. I don't think you're annoyed by him tbh and more about this odd dynamic since it isn't a one off. Of course the men love it - chimichangas. And she must love playing the 1950s housewife. Seems harmless if weird. I'd leave them to it unless it becomes regular occurrence, then I'd just invite myself over one time.

Maybe she needs an intervention?
"Look youngster,you're not woman-ing right! You're doing what you want, not what WE say's ok, and we are JUDGING you for it!'

You don't like the idea of this young woman being what you imagine to be the centre of attention from a group of ten men, all doting on her for her youth and cooking skills. You need to have a word with yourself! I can't imagine in a group of 11 men, one of whom she's engaged to, this woman and your DH are going to be behaving in a way that threatens you. Worst case scenario your DH thinks she's young, pretty, entertaining and a good cook. It might irritate you, but you've no grounds to make an issue of that with him.

My first thought is that you should ask him why he was late this time. Later than usual. Maybe they were watching a film? Playing computer games? But what's the point of being either grumpy or angry until you find out what went on? Maybe he had to take someone home? Why do you think he was late? It's no good asking us. If he comes out with a reasonable explanation then you'll look silly if you've been annoyed or grumpy.

At least one of the partners really doesn’t like her. Why should she invite her?

Cooking being only women’s work is very 1950s.

Women cooking isn’t, innately, old fashioned. What do you think single women do? Starve in case people think she thinks it’s the 1950s?

So what if she enjoys playing a 1950s housewife on occasion. I will have days where I cook and bake. Then go back to my senior job in a male dominated industry the next day.

It’s not wrong for women to enjoy cooking. It’s wrong to assume they do and always perceive it as ‘the woman’s job’

I don't understand why the partners are NEVER invited when the fiancée is effectively hosting. Apart from everything else, is this the 1950s where the little woman needs to cook for all the men when they want to party?? I can understand once but all the time? Actually even in the 1950s partners would be invited. I really hope she hosts similar parties for HER female friends.

She falls out with her female friends quite a lot apparently. I wonder why?

My husband went to his friends house for dinner recently with a bunch of other Dads and didn't get home until 6am. Turned out they'd been playing with the VR headsets that his friends kids had gotten for Christmas. Unless you've got other reasons not to trust your OH I really wouldn't worry about this!

It's a bit "pick me" of her to do that. She probably wants all the blokes to say what a great wife she'll be and they wish their shitty wives did that.

I think it's an odd dynamic - woman cooking for huge group of partner's male friends - my friends do their own thing when partners are with the lads, rather than serve men - but each to their own. I think they just had a good time. Does he have family obligations today though, or is he expecting you to pick it up?

I don't believe for a second she invites them.

She probably says 'If you want to invite your friends at the weekend, I'll cook for them'.

Besides, if there's 10 friends why on earth would she want the partners there, so she ends up cooking for 20??

That's a full on party.