Husband went to friends house for dinner and didn't get back until 4am. Aibu to find this odd?

[JudyLemon]

DH has a friendship group of about 10, all male. Friends fiance loves to invite all of their friendship group over on a semi regular basis and cook for them. He has been twice before and came home around 11 each time.

Last night was one of these meals, she was making chimichangas apparently. He left for theirs at around 5 and got back at 4am this morning. He was a little drunk but seemed fine. We didn't really speak last night and obviously he's still asleep this morning. He doesn’t go out much and is great in all other ways so this really shouldn't bother me but I just feel really uncomfortable with how long he was there.

To be clear, I do not particularly like the fiance and this may be clouding my judgement. I find it quite desperate that she wants to invite a group of men over and cook for them. She's quite abit younger than me and DH and his friends so I guess I'm making a judgement on that too.

Aibu to be annoyed or should I try to not be grumpy with him when he wakes up?

This.

“oh no, he had a nice time 🥹”

My dp sometimes cooks for me and my women friends. Their partners are not invited. Neither is my dp-he's "staff" for the evening.!

Obviously he hasn't done anything wrong so you don't have to worry, but she does sound annoying. Who wants to spend a night cooking for 10 men unless you're getting some kind of validation out of it?

Why would he want to do that?

Lol. Dh went out with his cousins to one of their flats and rolled back at 6am. They all work hard during week and just blow out once in a while chatting all night having drinks. When wifes join in we usually end about 2am. They are a fun bunch so time flies. We are in our 40s (not british). Adults are not all always done and ready for bed before midnight.

No wonder she's keen to be liked! Are all her fiancé's friends partners (have I got that right?) as hostile and judgemental of her as your friend?

She does, clearly 🤷‍♂️

It can't come as a surprise to you that people are all different?

Maybe she doesn't often get a chance to cook for lots of people.

It's called being nice? Oh gosh @CurlewKate what a dreadful partner you have making food for you and friends! LTB now!! 😐
Can you imagine if the dp followed advice here, 'no you can't go to your friends for dinner unless I come too!'

@Finlesswonder "CurlewKate
My dp sometimes cooks for me and my women friends. Their partners are not invited. Neither is my dp-he's "staff" for the evening.!

Why would he want to do that?"

Because he likes cooking. He likes me. And he likes it when I have a nice time.

@JudyLemon Have you all spent any time with her at all?
Has anyone in the group of friends tried to ‘welcome her’?
Does her partner make any effort to include her in the group stuff you all do?
If you have, could she have felt judged?
Has she specifically said partners are not allowed?
You say she’s younger than everyone else. Do you think she feels ‘out of place’ and that’s why she’s so eager to be liked as you say?

I don't think there is anything weird about being at someone's house until 4 a.m. Seems a bit servile to cook for just your DP's friends though.

🤷‍♀️ I read the OP as the girlfriend invites the men round and feeds them all. So it is her party.

I consider that if it was his party, He would invite them round. She might cook if she fancied, then leave them to it. On what planet do we live where a man doesn’t invite his own mates and his fiancée has to do it for him? Is he a child?? If that’s the case, that’s weird in itself.

Yes, I know someone like that too.

They probably just got drunk and lost track of time, I wouldn’t worry too much.
For what’s it’s worth @JudyLemon I agree with you about her and while it’s not nice to be judgemental I’m going to be honest and admit that I would think she’s either a) desperate for any male attention or b) so insecure that she doesn’t want her fiancé going out so it’s better if he brings his friends to where she can supervise. I know that probably makes me a bitch but “please like me” people really annoy me 🙈

Why do you feel uncomfortable with how long he was there?

If anything, I'm more surprised that he was home by 11pm the previous occasions. Do you not occasionally stay out late when having a get together with your friends?

It's a group of friends catching up and enjoying themselves. Whether she cooks or thry order pizzas is kind of irrelevant.

Do you trust him or not?

does he do coke?

Maybe she enjoys their company and they enjoy hers? Is the idea of a woman making friends with her fiancee's friends really this bizarre to people?

Sounds like a fairly normal night which just went on a bit longer than usual. Assuming you trust your DP, it sounds nice for him to have a get together with a group of mates. Not liking the woman doesn't sound like that much of an issue.

Does your DH invite them all around too? I'm not sure it is that nice, if so.

My ex dp used to cook all the time when I had my friends over. Unless he was going out.

It was a nice gesture so I could relax too.

Op it’s really obvious that you don’t like her and judge her. She might just like cooking for loads of people. She might want to make them feel welcomed in their him.

But why she does it isn’t important. Your husband was at a friends house and stayed til 4am. It’s not massively impacting anything. That’s all that’s happened. He went to a friends house, was having fun so stayed longer than usual. That’s it.

@wombat15 "Does your DH invite them all around too? I'm not sure it is that nice, if so."

Not sure what you mean? He did as a surprise when it was my birthday last year. But usually not. He'll see it on the calendar and say "Would you like me to cook? I'm around that night."

It isn't bizarre if they are a male and female group. The fact that they are all male and she is serving them food seems a bit weird though. There is something a bit old fashioned and a bit desperate about it especially as she is inviting them.

I would find it controlling if a partner was so happy to cook for me and my friends. First of all, I can cook, it's hardly a big deal to prep food and put in oven when friends arrive. Second of all, can't you just go out foe one evening and let me chill with my friends, what are you angling for?

Fair does, it would irritate the hell out of me if I were a friend of yours personally