Husband went to friends house for dinner and didn't get back until 4am. Aibu to find this odd?

[JudyLemon]

DH has a friendship group of about 10, all male. Friends fiance loves to invite all of their friendship group over on a semi regular basis and cook for them. He has been twice before and came home around 11 each time.

Last night was one of these meals, she was making chimichangas apparently. He left for theirs at around 5 and got back at 4am this morning. He was a little drunk but seemed fine. We didn't really speak last night and obviously he's still asleep this morning. He doesn’t go out much and is great in all other ways so this really shouldn't bother me but I just feel really uncomfortable with how long he was there.

To be clear, I do not particularly like the fiance and this may be clouding my judgement. I find it quite desperate that she wants to invite a group of men over and cook for them. She's quite abit younger than me and DH and his friends so I guess I'm making a judgement on that too.

Aibu to be annoyed or should I try to not be grumpy with him when he wakes up?

"Excessive" is an odd choice of word. What do you actually mean? Suspicious, reprehensible or shouldn't be allowed because it's something outside of your experience? Time flies when you're having fun....

so he doesn’t sit down and eat with you?
he does the cooking and serves it and then leaves you to it aside from replenishing drinks?

I find it very odd that folks think the op should be invited. It’s a bloke having all his friends, over, she’s there as it’s her home, and she’s happy to cook.

I see nothing wrong with this, my friends husband has a large friendship circle, they all go to hers and she cooks, she enjoys cooking, she shouldn’t have to leave. And inviting all the partners turn it into something else

the ops writing this like this woman’s friend is irrelevant. The woman invites and they all go to see her.

good old jealousy at play.

Wow.

I would feel some kind of way …4am I would ask questions none of us on Mumsnet know the bigger picture so ignore the negatives about jealousy most women if they were honest would feel some kind of way …I think it’s strange I would be on him for sure dont let yourself get walked over the more you say nothing the more comfortable he feels let him know it’s making you feel a certain way you should be able to voice it

To be fair to the op I can understand what she means about the wife. I know a woman who hosts her husband's friends a lot, mainly hangs out with the men while the other wags do their own thing. I think the sad truth is she is insecure and seeks the validation of men and doesn't really have a group of female friends.

I'd wonder if it was the same woman but it happens so regularly the op wouldn't think it's unusual!

Not really .. might sit down for 5, as he used to work with one of my friends, and knows her husband well .. so has a quick catch up. He prefers being in the computer, or watching TV in another room.

he has friends round as well, I’ll always make them a drink, then go into another room

@JJathome For the record I am not unkind to or about this woman, this is just my own inner thoughts. My husband has also mentioned that she falls out with her own friends often and apparently these gatherings are timed with that. I have only met her a few times though.

'Gaslighting' 🙄don't be so silly.

And do you really think the man isn't involved in organising the evening? You don't think that he organises it and his partner cooks? I don't think he's being railroaded into having his friends over for an evening, do you?

So as a couple you invited your joint friendship group. Was this OH idea?
Did any of those people have long term partners? Where they invited or not ?

OH would never say to me why don't we invite your friends round, but not invite any partners.
We have obviously hosted my friends, and his. Mine tend to be mixed, his more all male. But if I was staying partners would be invited and vice versa. If OH considers my friends his then they become our friends and we consider their partners our friends too.

Please tell me that this isn't a generalisation that any woman who enjoys platonic male company, and has limited female friends means that they are unsecured and require male validation 😬

*Insecure

Silly phone

@Doglegs Thank you for this and to the other posters are aren't implying that I'm a jealous old woman.

Unclench OP.

90% of the replies here are unhinged.

My DH regularly goes to eat at his friends house with other friends all male. His friends wife cooks because she loves it and she’s good at it. She take a portion to her room and watches TV while our DHs chat or play a board game.

You all seem controlling or mistrusting.

Yes I think it's bloody strange that she only wants the men over and never hosts smaller groups with their partners. No I don't think it's a gang bang. But wanting only males everyone, smacks of the pick me girl mentality.

so again… a different scenario

and presumably he’s cooking for his friends as well

and i’d hedge a bet some of those friends that he has over at the same time are partners of your friends

I have loads of male friends, I really enjoy platonic male company 🙃 this is a bonkers thread. Seems like the 1950s with men and women strictly segregated and never the twain shall meet.

so this is a friend op? sure

So this story now isn't actually about you but is about a friend? Im quite confused!

But yeah whoever the story is about is being unreasonable. The good thing about going to someone's house is it's generally quite relaxed and you can go with the flow for as long as the host is happy to have people there. I have gone to friends gatherings where it has lasted a couple of hours, to ones where we have spontaneously decided to sleep over to stop the need for taxis.

I also dont think it wierd the fiancé cooked. If she likes doing that and gets enjoyment from hosting, I dont see the issue

The way the post comes across is that the op sounds jealous that their partner went to see his friends. There is no reason to be put out by the situation

You clearly are jealous though, otherwise why else would you care that she's cooking for her partners mates and feel like it's suspicious?

If their children are older, it’s a weekend, and no one has to get up and drive somewhere at 6 am, I don’t see what ‘responsibilities’ would kick in between 11 pm and 4 am that would prevent anyone staying out if they were having a good time. Just because you’re sleep by 11 doesn’t mean someone else doesn’t get to have a more enjoyable social life.

Erm…no … he doesn’t have his friends over at the same time, nor is he cooking for his friends. Nor are any of his friends that he does have over (at a different time) the partners of the people I have over.

Is it you or a friend ?

@fruity81 my previous post about the autistic child was a friends situation. This is my own. I think I should have name changed.

Three single women. One lesbian couple. One woman whose partner is fairly new amd she'd only just started introducing him to her friends. One woman who has a long-term partner but I know her through an interest he doesn't share so have only ever met him in passing.

The dynamic of "wives socialise with wives, husbands socialise with husbands, OR it's all couples" is just not one I recognise.