Husband went to friends house for dinner and didn't get back until 4am. Aibu to find this odd?

[JudyLemon]

DH has a friendship group of about 10, all male. Friends fiance loves to invite all of their friendship group over on a semi regular basis and cook for them. He has been twice before and came home around 11 each time.

Last night was one of these meals, she was making chimichangas apparently. He left for theirs at around 5 and got back at 4am this morning. He was a little drunk but seemed fine. We didn't really speak last night and obviously he's still asleep this morning. He doesn’t go out much and is great in all other ways so this really shouldn't bother me but I just feel really uncomfortable with how long he was there.

To be clear, I do not particularly like the fiance and this may be clouding my judgement. I find it quite desperate that she wants to invite a group of men over and cook for them. She's quite abit younger than me and DH and his friends so I guess I'm making a judgement on that too.

Aibu to be annoyed or should I try to not be grumpy with him when he wakes up?

Fear of younger women is rife on Mumsnet.

Me too. Imagine it, oh he’s in the bedroom hiding.

Oh i’d go! To see my friend and spend time with her

but the idea of the husband serving me dinner and floating around replenishing drinks is a bit awkward, definitely if he’s a friend in his own right! and plain odd if not.

Dp wouldn’t have been acting as a barman, but if someone shouted to him to pass drinks in he would have. Why wouldn’t he?

So he’s cooks
he serves
he replenished drinks

and you think someone asking his to “pass drinks” is the same? 😐

aside from when he’s popping out to replenish drinks!

What do you have in your head as ‘serving dinner’

In our house he would have been in the kitchen cooking (he did most of the cooking anyway) and pass a bottle of wine in, if we asked. Then let us know food was in the kitchen. And we would go in and help ourselves. Depending on who the group was he would either eat with us or go off and do his own thing.

He wasn’t stood in the corner of the room waiting to be beckoned over to being more tortilla chips. 😂

Jealousy and insecurity does seem to be, but this is extreme, she’s taken against this woman it seems simply as she’s younger. The fact she cooks and is there in her own home, when her partner has his mates round, is infuriating her, she doesn’t even really know this woman.

its just really sad, to dislike someone simply as they are younger, I assume the op thinks she’s attractive also, and that’s part of the issue.

Who cooks and serves? And replenishes drinks.

I was pointing out my dp would have passed drinks in but wasn’t going round topping peoples glasses up.

Of course he can go to his friends house and stay as late as he likes. I'm sure he wouldn't have an issue if you were out with a group of women.

What is odd is the 1950's set up of the fiance cooking for all the men. That's just weird.

Or espresso & grappa

I agree that setting herself up as the sole female in a boys’ night is a little odd. Why wouldn’t she invite partners? Girls’ night/ boys’ night I totally get. But boys’ night with a lone appendage is a bit 🤔. I think people would find a lone male partner joining in with a girls’ night a bit weird if all the other guys were elsewhere/ at home.

Sounds to me as though you are right and she isn’t women’s woman - particularly when you mention the falling outs.

4 am is quite late . You could have been justifiably worried. If he was lying bleeding somewhere he’d have lost a lot of blood in that time….

perhaps because i wasn’t referring to your post when i initially commented? 😂

again- i wasn’t referring to your post. didn’t even read it tbh

Let it go and have a nice evening with him tonight. Feelings come and go like the weather. If he is normally great then I would not dwell on it.

Time to put an end to these chimichang bangs

I was one of the posters that’s do would cook if friends were round. I was simply pointing out that very few people who said their dp cooks also said he services them, replenishes all drinks and acts like staff.

I am sure the woman in this situation doesn’t either.

and you say you didn’t read it? But it was in with the group of posts you were referring to.

as i say… i didn’t read your initial post
and wasn’t referring to it

sorry! 😂

and you say you didn’t read it? But it was in with the group of posts you were referring to.

have you seen how long this thread is and how many posters have commented?!!

I posted on the basis of some of the posts i’d read on random pages of a very long thread.

I must have missed yours. But…. it wouldn’t have made a blind bit of difference to my post had i read it. Why? because as out outline… it’s not the same situation!

I get that. You posted about people who posted about their dp doing the cooking. A general group of people who posted that situation.

I was one of them. If you only wanted the exact people to reply, you should have tagged them.

Not sure you need to apologise though.

So would I.

It comes across as a bit false and performative.

**Husband looks after food, and makes sure drinks are topped up….. he doesn’t have friends over at the same time”

@ExtraOnions

one example

id just feel guilty if he was a friend and not joining

and if i had no relationship with
aside from the connection of being my dear friend’s partner…. then i’d feel guilty him cooking but not eating with us.

I was one of them. If you only wanted the exact people to reply, you should have tagged them.

bossy boots 😂

I’ve been mulling this over.

I can’t really work out what the problem is here.

The woman is not trying to get into the pants of the men that she and her fiancé are hosting. You can’t be worried about an affair. So it must just bother you that this woman might be seen by your husband as a good cook and fun company. Is it not nice for him that his mate is marrying a woman he likes? Her being liked by your husband and his friends does not diminish you in any way. Do you feel that it does, by comparison?

Maybe she read from that guy on twitter abput how their friend's girlfriend often feeda the and when the friend even looks at another girl, they all tell him massive off. Feed and get loyalty