Husband went to friends house for dinner and didn't get back until 4am. Aibu to find this odd?

[JudyLemon]

DH has a friendship group of about 10, all male. Friends fiance loves to invite all of their friendship group over on a semi regular basis and cook for them. He has been twice before and came home around 11 each time.

Last night was one of these meals, she was making chimichangas apparently. He left for theirs at around 5 and got back at 4am this morning. He was a little drunk but seemed fine. We didn't really speak last night and obviously he's still asleep this morning. He doesn’t go out much and is great in all other ways so this really shouldn't bother me but I just feel really uncomfortable with how long he was there.

To be clear, I do not particularly like the fiance and this may be clouding my judgement. I find it quite desperate that she wants to invite a group of men over and cook for them. She's quite abit younger than me and DH and his friends so I guess I'm making a judgement on that too.

Aibu to be annoyed or should I try to not be grumpy with him when he wakes up?

What action?

Inviting 10 of her fiance's friends who have now also become her friends, round for something to eat?

Was she supposed to have invited all the partners round who are not her friends, and cooked for 20 people??

@JJathome yes likely I am projecting about my personal past, but the OP asked for different opinions, that’s the point of mumsnet no?

I’m sad for you is very OTT

I would imagine there was coke involved if the evening had gone on that long. Is that why you're annoyed?

Hang on... @JudyLemon says but the impression I'm given is that it's all her.
So you don't actually know do you?
But the partner doing the inviting would stop you and your alleged 'woman's women' from clutching at straws and being horrible about this woman!

They won't see her as part of their friendship group just because she invites them around and cooks them food.

You aren’t answering the question. What action is disdainful?

and you have no idea how they view her. They might be annoyed but like her food. Or not mind chatting to her for a bit. Or enjoy her company. But so what?

What is disdainful?

How do you know this?

The OP literally said she hangs out with them.

I'm assuming they're not forced to do so and that if they're hungry, Deliveroo is available?

What is it with MN where you can only stay up late if you take cocaine? I went to a friend's last weekend got home at 5am , we were drinking and chatting, had a sleep and was in work for 2pm. No illegal substance involved. Its not a regular occurrence but now and again it happens, and I am over 50 so I am perfectly certain most other adults can manage it occasionally

Op hasn't said if it's her or the man inviting? Surely she can find out by demanding he shows all correspondence?

Yes really weird - I often work (writing mostly) until 5am and then go to bed - mind is a lot clearer and focused in the early hours of the morning and no drugs involved!

I find it weird that she never invites the partners, surely if she likes cooking then inviting a few and their partners is the more usual thing to do, instead she's excluding the partners and inviting all the boys and hanging out with them it does seem like the behaviour of a woman who likes to be liked by men.

I genuinely can’t see what your issue is OP

I’m sure they habe plenty of smaller get togethers with partners, just the op is not invited, as ya know, she does not like her.

I meet with my friends of an evening sometimes and usually by 11 we're all abit tired and ready for home and bed

Yes we can all do what we want blah blah blah but I’ve noticed as women have children or approach middle age their stamina for fun massively wanes. Whereas men tend to keep going. It’s a real shame as I love a big night out or a really late night but most of my friends only do 11pm ‘because I’m a mummy now and I have to be up early’ or ‘I just can’t stay awake these days’. I feel like saying you’re 37

all these posters saying that their husbands often do all the cooking and serving of food when the poster has friends over, and then he doesn’t join them but squirrels himself away in another room….. (one even says her husband pops in to ensure drinks are replenished!)

as a guest, i’d feel really uncomfortable about that.

I like to be liked by men and prefer the company of a big group of men to women. I find them funnier and more relaxed, you can banter and they won’t start a thread the next day about ‘AIBU to be so offended because my friend joked about my necklace/shoes’

it’s very clear

She doesn’t trust her DH
She is jealous of this fiancé

how recently did you marry OP?

I've never even tried coke, but an evening with good friends, at someone's home could easily go on to 4am for me and my friends in our 50s.

However, as this is not normally the case for this group, I wonder if that's where he really was for the whole time...I think you're making it about the fiancé you don't like, and it's highly unlikely to be that.

4am is a perfectly normal time to get back in my world. All my friends are middle aged and have responsibilities. But if we're all having fun together, the time flies.

Was the 'thing' they helped with of benefit to her?

If my DH's friends helped him install a new bathroom / decorate the lounge / lay paving in the garden, hell yes I would invite them for a meal.

But I would invite partners.

Is there some big issue within the group that means partners is awkward? One was the OW or something?

Sorry - I managed to post on the completely wrong thread!

DH and I have been sat here talking about this and whether a situation would ever arise where I invited his male friends over to cook for them or he invited my female friends over to cook for them and the same thing but with any of our friends giving out the invites and we just cannot think of any way this would happen.

That's what would be weird - but not going to someone's house for dinner and the partner also being there - DH is very social and loves hosting and if his friends come over for food he would feed me as well and I might join them because I do enjoy male company as others have said - but I wouldn't instigate the invites.

If I had friends over he may well offer drinks or snacks because he is just very sociable - much more than me!

But then you could just not go. If the husband or the friends in this situation didn’t want to go, they just wouldn’t as well.

Dp wouldn’t have been acting as a barman, but if someone shouted to him to pass drinks in he would have. Why wouldn’t he?