Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to have not offered any food with the wine?

253 replies

CosyDogs · 02/03/2024 16:34

One of my friends wanted to watch a fight on TV but had no subscription to the channel that it was on. I do have a subscription but have no interest in watching fights, however I said that he and his friend could come to my house at 7pm to watch it and we can drink wine together. They bought a bottle of wine and I also provided a bottle.

While the match was on, I was in the room, but was reading as I don't like to see people fight. I wasn't completely engrossed in the book and we did chat and drink the wine. When the fight was over, we played cards, talked and opened another bottle. During the evening, my friend asked if I had any chocolate and I went to the kitchen and got a medium bar of chocolate and gave it to them. I had a small amount of chocolate as I don't usually eat late in the evening and they had the rest. They didn't ask for any more food and it didn't occur to offer anything else. They left around 11pm.

The next day, when we were talking, they mentioned that it was strange that I didn't offer them any food. I would have happily fed them, but I had already had dinner and assumed they had too and I don't usually eat that late. It simply didn't occur to me to start eating. WIBU to not offer more food? I am worried that I'm missing some obvious social standard that everyone else adheres to and I've been being a poor host.

OP posts:
Namemchangeforthispostonly101 · 03/03/2024 13:35

This reply has been withdrawn

The OP has privacy concerns, so we've agreed to take this down now.

Linlithgow · 03/03/2024 14:04

YANBU however I always offer guests food. That's just something I do.

Maggiethecat · 03/03/2024 14:20

I’m very much in favour of offering food if I have people over even if just snacks, biscuits and depending on the nature of the invite.

But in this case, although it probably would have been a kind gesture to offer snacks or something, the expectation of it is very misplaced.

They should have damn well brought their own and offered you some too!

BeLemonFish · 03/03/2024 14:25

lifebeginsaftercoffee · 02/03/2024 16:39

I think it's a bit rude to invite people over and not offer them any food for four hours, yes.

To be fair, they invited themselves over. They were using the OP’s subscription that they were too tight to pay for. If anything, they should have been providing a takeaway/snacks.

JJathome · 03/03/2024 14:26

BeLemonFish · 03/03/2024 14:25

To be fair, they invited themselves over. They were using the OP’s subscription that they were too tight to pay for. If anything, they should have been providing a takeaway/snacks.

Show quote history

No they didn’t, she even says they didn’t, she says she invited them, at least read the ops posts.

BeLemonFish · 03/03/2024 14:27

JJathome · 03/03/2024 14:26

No they didn’t, she even says they didn’t, she says she invited them, at least read the ops posts.

Show quote history

OK, but were they or were they not using the OP’s subscription? You can’t just pick and choose the part of my post to be rude about.

Original poster
CosyDogs · 03/03/2024 14:37

JJathome · 03/03/2024 07:51

I would always offer some form of snack if I invited guests. I mean you provided nothing and basically made them drink their own wine. You literally provided a max of a third of a bottle of wine. It’s all a bit student.

if not providing dinner, I’d have provided crisps, olives, nuts and dips and had the means in to provide a sandwich at least.

I didn't provide nothing, I provided the TV, wine and chocolate.
I didn't make them drink their own wine, I provided one bottle and they provided one bottle between the two of them, and we all wilingly drank them.
I didn't literally provide a third of a bottle, I drank a third of my bottle and they had two thirds of it, since we were three people.
Your whole quote reads like a tabloid newspaper, you skew your language and alter the facts to make a point that doesn't really exist.

I invited them to watch the fight because they said they wanted to watch it and I had a subscription. It was primarily me offering my TV to them rather than a social gathering. I like them, but have never had them over before nor have I ever gone to either of theirs. I was doing them a favour; they didn't come to see me. I don't know how long the fight lasted, but it was well over an hour. I didn't watch it but there was at least one 'warm up act' before the actual fight.

The fight would have lasted about 40 odd mins max, they socialised and played cards. And she’s whinging she provided a bottle of wine and some chocolate, when she herself drank the wine she provided.
I'm not whinging about anything, I happily hosted, but was sad that they then essentially complained about it the next day. They said nothing about the evening other than what I had done wrong.

Of course I could have not invited them, but I wanted them to be able to watch the fight. The gathering was organised that day, so no planning or even discussion went into it. I was not hungry and it simply didn't occur to me to feed them. When they asked for chocolate, I thought it was a bit strange but I happily got it for them. If they would have asked for pizza, I would have stuck the oven on and made them some. I don't begrudge giving people food, I just didn't think about it and they didn't mention it until the following day, when it was too late to do anything about it.

I'm not very food focussed and I have already acknowledged that I don't always feed my guests when they are just coming over for a coffee, and I have said that I will be more aware of this in the future.

OP posts:
OnGoldenPond · 03/03/2024 15:26

Tell them to find a better sports bar next time if this one isn't to their liking.

Bloody men, always expect the woman in the room to wait on them. They wouldn't be getting invited into my home again.

pensione · 03/03/2024 15:29

JJathome · 03/03/2024 07:51

I would always offer some form of snack if I invited guests. I mean you provided nothing and basically made them drink their own wine. You literally provided a max of a third of a bottle of wine. It’s all a bit student.

if not providing dinner, I’d have provided crisps, olives, nuts and dips and had the means in to provide a sandwich at least.

OP provided a hell of a lot more than her friend provided when she went to his at a similar time. He admitted it didn’t occur to him to serve her food.

And yet he thinks OP should have served him and his friend because she has a vagina.

Do you really not see the sexism at play?

Janay55 · 03/03/2024 18:13

CosyDogs · 02/03/2024 16:34

One of my friends wanted to watch a fight on TV but had no subscription to the channel that it was on. I do have a subscription but have no interest in watching fights, however I said that he and his friend could come to my house at 7pm to watch it and we can drink wine together. They bought a bottle of wine and I also provided a bottle.

While the match was on, I was in the room, but was reading as I don't like to see people fight. I wasn't completely engrossed in the book and we did chat and drink the wine. When the fight was over, we played cards, talked and opened another bottle. During the evening, my friend asked if I had any chocolate and I went to the kitchen and got a medium bar of chocolate and gave it to them. I had a small amount of chocolate as I don't usually eat late in the evening and they had the rest. They didn't ask for any more food and it didn't occur to offer anything else. They left around 11pm.

The next day, when we were talking, they mentioned that it was strange that I didn't offer them any food. I would have happily fed them, but I had already had dinner and assumed they had too and I don't usually eat that late. It simply didn't occur to me to start eating. WIBU to not offer more food? I am worried that I'm missing some obvious social standard that everyone else adheres to and I've been being a poor host.

You invited them to watch a match in your home on your TV you did not invite them over for a meal. How ungrateful of your friend. Plenty of time for them to have had something to eat before 7pm

Glasgowgal200 · 03/03/2024 18:36

Maybe could have put out some snack things - crisps, nuts etc

pollymere · 03/03/2024 19:10

If I'd said 'you can watch it at mine but you're on your own!' I get that you were loaning your TV subscription. What you offered was to come over, have some wine and watch which sounds like an invite. I'd have expected something to complement the wine and soak up the alcohol! Nibbly things, or even Cheese and Biscuits.

GoldEagle · 03/03/2024 19:19

You were doing them a favor. If they wanted snacks they should brought them.

Donsyb · 03/03/2024 19:23

lifebeginsaftercoffee · 02/03/2024 16:39

I think it's a bit rude to invite people over and not offer them any food for four hours, yes.

Deleted - hadn’t read previous post from Op

cakewench · 03/03/2024 19:48

They came to your house to watch an event they didn't otherwise have access to. You were doing them a favour.

100% they should have offered to order pizzas and tbh if you were a man, I suspect they would have done.

The actual audacity of telling you that they'd expected to be fed!

(And yes, I have people over frequently, and always over feed them. This is probably the first instance where I feel strongly that the bonus was on the "guests" to provide.)

yourlobster · 03/03/2024 19:56

They were rude at the time and the next day and I think it was a bit weird on both sides tbh!

As a guest I would always either take some snacks or ask what I can bring. I'd also make sure there was a bottle of wine each if we were drinking.

Unless it's been a very last minute arrangement or pop in I've always offered something to eat. Biscuits or cake during the day or crisps, olives, nuts in the evening. I do think it's rude not to offer anything.

yourlobster · 03/03/2024 19:57

Sorry, I meant as a host for the last bit.

masterblaster · 03/03/2024 19:59

I’d put out some snacks, and offer them that if they were hungry they could get a takeaway. Miscommunication, not disaster.

SquareCrumpets · 03/03/2024 20:31

Cheeky fuckers! They should have brought YOU food as a thank you for using your TV subscription.

The mistake you don’t want to make again is allowing them across your threshold.

Cherrysoup · 03/03/2024 20:41

They should have brought snacks. They wanted to use your tv subscription so should have provided stuff. CFs!

Mybossisasod · 03/03/2024 20:48

Are you on the autistic spectrum OP? You seem to be very inflexible and not so clued up on other people. I don't mean offence I'm on the spectrum and this is very similar to the way me and friends who are on it interact.
I have had training that it's rude to turn up to someone's house without an offering of food and or drink and we should have empty hands going into a home. I have also been trained that it's poor hosting to not provide food and drink and guests should never leave my home hungry.
My kids friends and my friends will be offered a snack or a meal if it's meal time and a drink of their choosing. I also give all workmen the same curiosity as they are also guests in my home.

FinallyHere · 03/03/2024 20:56

Peekaboobo · 02/03/2024 17:34

You should never serve alcohol without food, even if you just provide a small snack.

This.

I'd always offer nuts / olives / cured meats to an unexpected guest. Anyone planning to visit I'd have checked whether they would like to eat.

Thinking about it, this is probably an age / lifecycle related answer. As a student / early work years we wouldn't have had any such things available unless planned in advance as a treat. Nowadays in my later years, I follow my late mother's example and would always offer a few snacks. If they were eaten quickly, I'd know to replenish. Anyone offered snacks who doesn't want to eat would be well advised to not eat anything.

JJathome · 03/03/2024 21:04

I assumed the op was quite young and possibly a bit skint, maybe didn’t grow up with parents who hosted, so saw this as her mates coming round, a bit like a student would.

August1980 · 03/03/2024 21:13

lifebeginsaftercoffee · 02/03/2024 17:05

Because OP says she invited them to watch TV with a bottle of wine.

I just can't imagine inviting guests to my house and not feeding them for four hours - even if it's just crisps or a frozen pizza.

It's not like they barged their way in and demanded use of OP's television - they were invited as guests.

Show quote history

This!

What gets me is how people treat their friends. In the OP’s situation I would have put something out- it’s good manners if nothing else but I suppose it’s how people are raised/cultural values etc. I would not as a guest in someone else’s house suggest a takeaway/pizza. I think perhaps a discussion beforehand should have been had considering they were invited to watch a match around dinner time. Poor comms and manners!

Sennelier1 · 03/03/2024 21:46

Not an absolute must to provide food, but yes most people expect nibbles with their drink in front of the tele.