AIBU to have not offered any food with the wine?

[CosyDogs]

One of my friends wanted to watch a fight on TV but had no subscription to the channel that it was on. I do have a subscription but have no interest in watching fights, however I said that he and his friend could come to my house at 7pm to watch it and we can drink wine together. They bought a bottle of wine and I also provided a bottle.

While the match was on, I was in the room, but was reading as I don't like to see people fight. I wasn't completely engrossed in the book and we did chat and drink the wine. When the fight was over, we played cards, talked and opened another bottle. During the evening, my friend asked if I had any chocolate and I went to the kitchen and got a medium bar of chocolate and gave it to them. I had a small amount of chocolate as I don't usually eat late in the evening and they had the rest. They didn't ask for any more food and it didn't occur to offer anything else. They left around 11pm.

The next day, when we were talking, they mentioned that it was strange that I didn't offer them any food. I would have happily fed them, but I had already had dinner and assumed they had too and I don't usually eat that late. It simply didn't occur to me to start eating. WIBU to not offer more food? I am worried that I'm missing some obvious social standard that everyone else adheres to and I've been being a poor host.

I would if I was hosting @Josette77 . If I'd invited them round to spend time with me and do something together then yes, I'd fork out for food.

If I had been asked to make my TV available so they could come watch something I didn't even like and it didn't much matter if I was in the room or I let them in and buggered off to bed? That's in the 'me doing them a favour' category and I'd expect them to order us a pizza tbh.

I would always offer some form of snack if I invited guests. I mean you provided nothing and basically made them drink their own wine. You literally provided a max of a third of a bottle of wine. It’s all a bit student.

if not providing dinner, I’d have provided crisps, olives, nuts and dips and had the means in to provide a sandwich at least.

This.

THIS.

A thousand times THIS!!!

OP - you have nothing to reproach yourself for. They are bumholes.

In this scenario they should have brought the snacks or offered to buy a takeaway.

I wouldn't have them over again, but if for some odd reason you choose to, I would say "Remember to bring snacks for the game as I'm just providing the subscription channel "

Good advice from @rookiemere - make your position clear,

I'm not clear what their expectations were tbh. I think whether or not you provided a bowl of crisps is a red herring...to me it sounds like they hadn't eaten at all so its not about the etiquette of providing snacks.

FWIW in a normal situation I would likely provide some crisps but also I'd expect them to bring their own snacks, and especially in this case seeing as this was a favour rather than you hosting. And I wouldn't expect you to fully cater. I'm not sure why they didn't order pizza. They sound really cheeky and yanbu.

Mumsnet comments are always an eye opener. I eat well before 7pm unless I'm going to a restaurant and so do most of my friends but its clear that a lot of people don't...neither is right or wrong. But I've never had a situation where I've turned up somewhere expecting dinner and it's not been on offer, or had people turn up for dinner having already eaten etc! This is an example of 'not in real life' for me.

But she didn't 'invite them over'...they simply asked if they could watch the fight at her house using her subscription. It wasn't a 'hosting' situation! If they wanted snacks they should have brought them!

Yes I would have offered nibbles. But it’s not a big deal.

What is more rude is them mentioning it to you as a slur on your hosting skills! Don’t be worrying about it at all - they shouldn’t have mentioned it to you.

I'd never expect someone to give me snacks. If I went round for a cup of tea I'd take biscuits because I love biscuits, but otherwise it would be clear from the start whether food is involved and who would provide it. These men sound like twats.

It's bonkers isn't it?

Hey, you've got a subscription we can't be arsed to pay for, can we come round to your house and use it? Oh, and you should provide us with a free meal to go with it.

Hmmm. They are rude to say that, also they were wrong. They could have brought something to snack on in thanks for letting them watch the fight at your place.

She invited them, they then said is the fight on there and can we watch it. As they wished to watch it. Otherwise they’d have went elsewhere.

matches can last anywhere from 10 mins on. The average is about 45 mins. The rest of the time they chatted and played cards.

who bring their own food when invited to someone’s home.

Wasn’t it the other way round? They asked if she had the fight on there and she said yes you can watch it here?

To be honest the best way round it is by everyone communicating with each other beforehand. Shall we bring snacks, shall I provide snacks etc. it’s not difficult really.

@JJathome Read the original post again. It didn't happen the way you state at all.

Of course she did. She said they could come over and they would "drink wine together". It's in her OP!

It's not like they forced their way into her house and demanded use of her TV. She invited them round to use it - she says so herself.

But that isn't what happened.

OP says herself she invited them over so they could all "watch it and drink wine together"

Are people not reading the post and just assuming they're CF's because they're men?

Why would she be providing dinner if they asked if she had the fight as they didn’t have it (so basically can they watch it there).

There’s a difference between ‘cadging’ an invite and getting an invite.

Why didn’t they just say, hey we’re getting hungry shall we all chip in and get pizza?

Well, I'm assuming that OP is a grown adult and more than capable of not (in her own words) "inviting them over to drink wine together" if that is in fact, not what she wants to do, lol.

I never said she should provide dinner.?

Someone did. Getting a bit lost with posts, sorry 😁

For the hard of reading: OP sat and read a book, had no interest in the fight. The 'friends' had no interest in the OP, they wanted to watch the fight and do it free of charge. That is why they were there.

After the fight they played cards (with OP) and drank wine/more wine.

Many adults don't eat after 7pm, many do. This wasn't a meal opportunity that was planned so it didn't happen.

It kind of is what happened.
He contacted her asking if she had the subscription that would mean he could watch the fight. She says that in her third or forth post I think. You could click see all and check.

Now I don't know about you but asking her if she's got it is what I'd call a bloody big hint.

Oh this things on, I can't watch it, don't have the subscription. Hey, don't suppose you do....

It is inviting yourself in a manipulative way.

Anyone would know what he meant when he chose to contact her.

Yes she could have said I do have it then left it and he would then have probably said can I come round and watch it but either way make no mistakes it is him inviting himself round to watch it.

I get what you're saying, but OP is an adult and more than capable of saying "I'm busy" or whatever if she doesn't want to play host.

People can hint all they like but they'll only get somewhere if you actually agree to go along with it.

I still think it's rude to agree to host people in your home and not even offer some crisps, but clearly I'm in the minority!

she says she invited them. The fight would have lasted about 40 odd mins max, they socialised and played cards. And she’s whinging she provided a bottle of wine and some chocolate, when she herself drank the wine she provided.