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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to have not offered any food with the wine?

253 replies

CosyDogs · 02/03/2024 16:34

One of my friends wanted to watch a fight on TV but had no subscription to the channel that it was on. I do have a subscription but have no interest in watching fights, however I said that he and his friend could come to my house at 7pm to watch it and we can drink wine together. They bought a bottle of wine and I also provided a bottle.

While the match was on, I was in the room, but was reading as I don't like to see people fight. I wasn't completely engrossed in the book and we did chat and drink the wine. When the fight was over, we played cards, talked and opened another bottle. During the evening, my friend asked if I had any chocolate and I went to the kitchen and got a medium bar of chocolate and gave it to them. I had a small amount of chocolate as I don't usually eat late in the evening and they had the rest. They didn't ask for any more food and it didn't occur to offer anything else. They left around 11pm.

The next day, when we were talking, they mentioned that it was strange that I didn't offer them any food. I would have happily fed them, but I had already had dinner and assumed they had too and I don't usually eat that late. It simply didn't occur to me to start eating. WIBU to not offer more food? I am worried that I'm missing some obvious social standard that everyone else adheres to and I've been being a poor host.

OP posts:
parietal · 02/03/2024 16:36

I think most adults eat after 7pm so the event included dinner time. But the visitors should have bought food with them or offered to pay for a takeout if they needed dinner because they invited themselves around.

DustyLee123 · 02/03/2024 16:36

If they wanted nibbles they should have provided them.
I would have had my evening meal not long before they arrived, so wouldn’t have thought to provide something.

MissisBoote · 02/03/2024 16:37

They were already getting to watch the fight for free and were expecting food on top of that - bit cheeky.

They should have brought snacks with the wine. I probably would have put a bowl of crisps out or something but, like you, don't eat in the evenings so wouldn't have really thought about doing anything else on top of that.

AngelsWithSilverWings · 02/03/2024 16:37

I always put out some crisps and nuts to go with drinks if having people over but I think I'd also have expected your friends to bring snacks too as you were kindly letting them use your subscription.

Nicebloomers · 02/03/2024 16:38

You aren’t running a sports bar. Tbh it would have been more of a societal norm for them to bring pizzas or similar to share as a thank you for allowing them to watch the sport at your home.

lifebeginsaftercoffee · 02/03/2024 16:39

I think it's a bit rude to invite people over and not offer them any food for four hours, yes.

PuppyMonkey · 02/03/2024 16:39

Reply that you thought it was strange that they didn’t BRING any food.

Floopani · 02/03/2024 16:39

I can't eat after 7pm, I would have terrible overnight heartburn and indigestion! I always think that if you're going to feed someone, it's mentioned during the invite. To be honest, you were doing them a lovely favour, they could have bought snacks or offered to shout a takeaway?

meganorks · 02/03/2024 16:40

Yeah, I would have had snacks - crisps and nibbles. But being as they invited themselves for a freebee I wouldn't feel bad about it. They should have also brought some snacks wiht them. I normally eat dinner later than 7. But if people invited themselves over to watch a match I wouldn't have expected to be making them dinner too. If they were hungry they could order a take out

TyneTeas · 02/03/2024 16:40

I would probably put food out ordinarily, but given they had invited themselves to do something you had no interest in I don't think you were being particularly unreasonable not to cater for them

MustBeDueSomeBetterFeet · 02/03/2024 16:40

So they didn't just want you to provide access to the fight and host them in your house but yo cater for them as well? Bog off!

mydrivingisterrible · 02/03/2024 16:40

A bowl of crisps /olives or something to go along with the wine

I might be a little different but I like something while I'm having wine.

Cockapoopoopoo · 02/03/2024 16:41

Yea I would have at least crisps and snacks if people were coming over for drinks. Fine that you don't eat late but that is generally unusually for adults

HungryandIknowit · 02/03/2024 16:42

I would always provide food of some kind with wine, even if a few olives and some nuts.

mydrivingisterrible · 02/03/2024 16:42

@HungryandIknowit oh another olive person 😊

Nannyogg134 · 02/03/2024 16:42

It's a weird one, were they watching the match at your house or were you 'having people over'. If I'd invited a friend over to watch something (even if I wasn't interested), I'd have brought out nibbles. However, I also think it's rude that they didn't bring anything either.

AuntMarch · 02/03/2024 16:44

You were loaning them your tv subscription, you weren't hosting. The friend that arranged it with you was, if anyone.

MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 02/03/2024 16:44

I would have provided snacks, because I like to snack if I'm having wine.

But in your case, they are being CF. Inviting themselves round and expecting catering is terrible.

LovedmyRaleighChopper · 02/03/2024 16:44

I think it’s strange on their behalf that they stayed for a second bottle of wine after the reason they came ( fight) was over and didn’t mention they hadn’t eaten. Why wouldn’t they say “does anyone else fancy a takeaway, I’ve not eaten?” If they were hungry? YANBU not to offer food in these circs, they invited themselves and food wasn’t discussed. Just because you have a subscription to something you don’t use do they seriously expect you to feed every random who you kindly allow to watch it? Bit entitled aren’t they?

IglesiasPiggl · 02/03/2024 16:45

If I am hosting, I always provide nibbles, but my guests would probably bring something as well for an occasion like you describe.

ginasevern · 02/03/2024 16:46

Cheeky bastards. You offered them free subscription to watch something that you didn't even want to watch in your own home! Perhaps you should've offered them prime steak and lobster, or perhaps next time tell them to pay for a bloody subscription and use their own central heating etc!

EVHead · 02/03/2024 16:47

Is it fuck rude not to offer food. You offered your subscription for them to watch the fight for free.

If they wanted snacks they should have brought them. It’s rude of them to expect you to provide more than free TV.

Saymyname28 · 02/03/2024 16:47

You weren't hosting them, you were allowing them to use your TV essentially. They should have ordered a takeaway if they were hungry.

Tbh I'd have expected them to say "great, I'll get us all a takeaway in to say thabk you" when you made the original offer.

TenThousandSpoons · 02/03/2024 16:47

Crisps. You needed crisps.

HettieHampshire · 02/03/2024 16:48

It wouldn't occur to me not to provide nibbles tbh. It's just a nice thing to do.