AIBU to have not offered any food with the wine?

[CosyDogs]

One of my friends wanted to watch a fight on TV but had no subscription to the channel that it was on. I do have a subscription but have no interest in watching fights, however I said that he and his friend could come to my house at 7pm to watch it and we can drink wine together. They bought a bottle of wine and I also provided a bottle.

While the match was on, I was in the room, but was reading as I don't like to see people fight. I wasn't completely engrossed in the book and we did chat and drink the wine. When the fight was over, we played cards, talked and opened another bottle. During the evening, my friend asked if I had any chocolate and I went to the kitchen and got a medium bar of chocolate and gave it to them. I had a small amount of chocolate as I don't usually eat late in the evening and they had the rest. They didn't ask for any more food and it didn't occur to offer anything else. They left around 11pm.

The next day, when we were talking, they mentioned that it was strange that I didn't offer them any food. I would have happily fed them, but I had already had dinner and assumed they had too and I don't usually eat that late. It simply didn't occur to me to start eating. WIBU to not offer more food? I am worried that I'm missing some obvious social standard that everyone else adheres to and I've been being a poor host.

If I’m hosting I would always provide snacks or food. In your situation I probably would have put snacks out however they were rude to turn up with no snacks then say it’s strange you didn’t feed them!! You were lending them your tv subscription for something you have no interest in so it’s quite cheeky of them to even say that to you

I would always offer something, especially with alcohol. I can't imagine having guests from 7-11pm and providing nothing at all. I do think they should have brought something to contribute as well - crisps or chocolate or something.

I’m amazed they didn’t offer to provide takeaway

In these circumstances where you’ve let them watch the match for free they’re cheeky bastards to expect food. If they were hungry surely they could have ordered themselves something to yours? If I was them I would have brought snacks and not expected anything since you were providing something already.

Piss takers the pair of them.

They were using your subscription to see a fight you weren't interested in, the least they could've done is brought some nibbles with them if that's what they wanted.

I really hope you told them this, but suspect you didn't?

You didn’t invite them for dinner. You invited them to watch tv with a bottle of wine.

I think that you all should have planned it better. Watching something with wine, I'd think nibbles/party food, or at minium simple pizza. But it was as much on them as you.

If you'd have invited them over to spend the evening with you, hanging out and socialising then, in my circle of friends, it would be expected that the host provides a few nibbles -chips and dip/cheese and crackers etc - but that is not what happened.

You just allowed them to use your subscription so you were not hosting them in the same way, you were just acting as a venue rather than a host so the same norms of hosting would not apply and therefore any nibbles/food should be brought by the guests as thanks for letting them use your subscription.

I would have put a bowl of crisps out but normally would have been a takeaway occasion. I can’t believe they commented tbh

I don’t think you did anything wrong, as it wasn’t like you invited them over to host in the conventional sense, rather that you were letting them use your TV subscription. It’s really odd they didn’t bring it up either when arrangements were being made or on the night, like saying shall we get a takeaway, and in all honestly I think they should have offered to get your share of one as a way of saying thanks! Yes you could have put out some crisps which would always be my default if serving drinks, but that wouldn’t have been a substitute for dinner if they hadn’t eaten. If they actually expected you to cook them a meal, whilst they used your TV for something you have no interest in then they’re absolute CFers!

I might have bought crisps and nuts if I knew I had guests at least a few hours ahead (do t keep junk food in the house because I eat it!)

If you were hosting them then I would say it's rude to not provide dinner or warn them that you personally eat early so they need to sort their own dinner, given that they were at yours over dinner time. As you were just letting them use your TV subscription, they should have sorted their own food. They could have ordered a takeaway or brought snacks.

Are these people really your friends? Sounds like they just wanted your wine and tv

i don’t understand why everyone isn’t saying this

If I hosted I would have provided snacks but equally if I attended I would have brought some fancy crisps. I never turn up to someone's house empty handed.

If I'd been the cheeky guest coming make use of your subscription, I'd have at least brought snacks with me, maybe even suggested standing a takeaway.

If I'd have been the host I'd also have bought snacks and had something ready, like a pizza, for if anyone wanted something more substantial.

As the guest I wouldn't have dreamed of "mentioning" that you hadn't fed us.

My DH invites pals over to watch footie and they said and grab a take away when you get here. If I had friends over for wine and a catch up, I’d say ‘come after dinner’ or ‘we’ll grab a take away or I’ll do food’.. I think it needs to be mentioned! Or I’d have snacks out!

Because OP says she invited them to watch TV with a bottle of wine.

I just can't imagine inviting guests to my house and not feeding them for four hours - even if it's just crisps or a frozen pizza.

It's not like they barged their way in and demanded use of OP's television - they were invited as guests.

Do these two men ever feed you or host you?

Or do they think you should have fed them because you’re a woman?

If I invite anyone over I either usually avoid mealtimes if I don't want to provide a main meal but at a time like 7pm I would definitely include supper. For visitors between mealtimes I would offer nibbles or cakes, depending on the time.

Wow, this massively shows me what an eye opener Mumsnet can be! Absolutely no criticism of you @Floopani - you obviously need to do what suits you and your circs, but there are so many occasions: work dinner, getting home from work late, might feed kids and get to bed first, meal out with friends etc etc, that I eat my evening meal after 7pm that this does really surprise me. Do you find it hard, or is it that you and your friends and family tend to find eating earlier suits you anyway?

It’s not that unusual. My mum has her dinner by 3.30/4pm.

Any later than that and she’ll have indigestion / chest problems all night.

I would have got crisps & dips as I love these when I drink wine (even if I've already had dinner and it was a Friday night - I think?)

I would have offered food but equally, if I was at a friends and no food was forthcoming, I'd ask if I could order a pizza to share.

Don't worry about it op. They could've asked.

They should have bought their own food under these circumstances!