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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to have not offered any food with the wine?

253 replies

CosyDogs · 02/03/2024 16:34

One of my friends wanted to watch a fight on TV but had no subscription to the channel that it was on. I do have a subscription but have no interest in watching fights, however I said that he and his friend could come to my house at 7pm to watch it and we can drink wine together. They bought a bottle of wine and I also provided a bottle.

While the match was on, I was in the room, but was reading as I don't like to see people fight. I wasn't completely engrossed in the book and we did chat and drink the wine. When the fight was over, we played cards, talked and opened another bottle. During the evening, my friend asked if I had any chocolate and I went to the kitchen and got a medium bar of chocolate and gave it to them. I had a small amount of chocolate as I don't usually eat late in the evening and they had the rest. They didn't ask for any more food and it didn't occur to offer anything else. They left around 11pm.

The next day, when we were talking, they mentioned that it was strange that I didn't offer them any food. I would have happily fed them, but I had already had dinner and assumed they had too and I don't usually eat that late. It simply didn't occur to me to start eating. WIBU to not offer more food? I am worried that I'm missing some obvious social standard that everyone else adheres to and I've been being a poor host.

OP posts:
CameltoeParkerBowles · 03/03/2024 22:02

CosyDogs · 02/03/2024 20:34

You are right. However, I meant that in general I wouldn't forget to offer people food when they are in my house.

You are also right that I need better friends, I hadn't thought of it quite that bluntly but their reaction was just rude. There were so many positives about the evening, but the only thing they mentioned was what they thought I should have done better.

My initial reaction to them telling me that were suprised that I didn't feed them more was to think "you ungrateful pair are never setting foot in my house again", but then the more I pondered it, the more I wondered if people usually give me snacks when I'm at their house, and I couldn't remember. I would notice if I didn't get offered a cup of tea, but snacks are the sort of thing that are nice to have but not expected, so I don't tend to remember if I am offered them or not. I also couldn't remember if I generally offer them or not. Then I got paranoid that snacks come as standard and I had been offending all my guests. It all became a bit of a mountain in my head!

Show quote history

The fact that they even mentioned a lack of food shows them to be rude and entitled. They got free access to a TV event that they would have had to pay for, AND you threw in a bottle of wine. If eating was so important to them, they should have brought something edible with them. Cheeky fuckers. Don't bother hosting them again.

pensione · 03/03/2024 22:03

August1980 · 03/03/2024 21:13

This!

What gets me is how people treat their friends. In the OP’s situation I would have put something out- it’s good manners if nothing else but I suppose it’s how people are raised/cultural values etc. I would not as a guest in someone else’s house suggest a takeaway/pizza. I think perhaps a discussion beforehand should have been had considering they were invited to watch a match around dinner time. Poor comms and manners!

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Did you miss that he doesn’t offer food at his house?

ftp · 03/03/2024 22:32

lifebeginsaftercoffee · 02/03/2024 16:39

I think it's a bit rude to invite people over and not offer them any food for four hours, yes.

While I would have put out crisps or something similar, they invited themselves. She offered wine, she did not offer to feed them. It is rude of them to ask for food and not bring their own nibbles.

Shodan · 03/03/2024 22:42

How rude of them to turn up without any snacks of their own. It doesn't sound like they brought the OP any kind of thank you gift for allowing them to take advantage of her subscription, and the use of her television when she didn't even want to watch the fight.

Some people have no manners.

GreenFritillary · 03/03/2024 23:25

This inability to survive without grazing is why our society is getting fatter.

What did they bring you to say thank you for letting them watch a program you weren't interested in? Like a couple of bunches of the £1 daffodils that are around at the moment?

serin · 03/03/2024 23:30

This is what deliveroo is for. They should have ordered a pizza.

SheerLucks · 04/03/2024 00:13

I can't eat after 7pm, I would have terrible overnight heartburn and indigestion!

What! Are you 85?

InvestingMimi · 04/03/2024 03:29

I couldn’t have people in my house for that long and not offer some nibbles, people get hungry.

TotalAbsenceOfImperialRaiment · 04/03/2024 05:45

Unless the arrangement specifically included dinner, your visitors should have eaten before they arrived. No wonder there is an obesity crisis when it's seriously being suggested that adults can't go four hours without eating.

Cannyapper · 04/03/2024 06:43

It’s rude of them to complain the day after. That’s a definite rude thing. I think I would have asked, will you have eaten? Then if the answer no I would have wanged some pizza in the oven. They sound cheeky though…for sure….

Retiredfromearlyyears · 04/03/2024 06:44

Bit cheeky of then under the circumstances! They had a share of your two bottles of wine,your chocolate and your sports channel for the evening. I would likely have put our bowls of crisps and nuts ,however they could have phoned out for a pizza . I would have probably treated my host to a takeaway ' if she was offering me the use of her television for the duration of a sporting event. They sound a wee bit entitled to me!

LakesideInn · 04/03/2024 06:56

@CosyDogs Did you reply to the CF? If so I hope you didn’t say sorry. His message should have been to thank you not give you some sort of trip advisor feedback!

liveforsummer · 04/03/2024 07:23

Tbf id have put out some crisps and dips etc but also if id essentially invited myself go along somewhere I'd absolutely have brought stuff along too

JJathome · 04/03/2024 07:46

liveforsummer · 04/03/2024 07:23

Tbf id have put out some crisps and dips etc but also if id essentially invited myself go along somewhere I'd absolutely have brought stuff along too

Yes, but they didn’t invite themselves, she invited them.

Lucytheloose · 04/03/2024 07:56

InvestingMimi · 04/03/2024 03:29

I couldn’t have people in my house for that long and not offer some nibbles, people get hungry.

Getting hungry is the cue to leave, unless you have been invited for a meal.

IncognitoIsMyFavouriteWord · 04/03/2024 08:38

For me, if friends are coming round to drink wine then there would be nibbles (crisps, nuts etc) too.

However, as you were supplying the subscription, they should have supplied the nibbles.

mirror245 · 04/03/2024 08:56

They should've brought some snacks or if hungry offered to order a pizza. I'd never turn up for a night in without bringing something. They probably assumed the woman would sort it!
However if guests came to my house I'd always have snacks in.

Barney60 · 04/03/2024 09:00

Yes i would of provided nibbles.

JJathome · 04/03/2024 11:43

mirror245 · 04/03/2024 08:56

They should've brought some snacks or if hungry offered to order a pizza. I'd never turn up for a night in without bringing something. They probably assumed the woman would sort it!
However if guests came to my house I'd always have snacks in.

Do you? I bring wine or a box of chocolates or flowers or something for the host as a gift, but I don’t turn up with my own food.

SylvanianAddict · 04/03/2024 12:12

I think it is hospitable to offer them snacks like nuts, crackers, cheese, crisps etc laid out on the table along with the wine. Then if they still felt hungry, they could have ordered takeaway.

They probably found it odd that you didn't take any hints and were completely oblivious to their hunger. When people ask for something minor like chocolate, it's best to ask them if they are hungry and if you guys should put money together for a takeaway or the one friend who contributed the least (ie didn't host the party, didn't buy the wine) should offer to get a pizza or something.

No one was being unreasonable in their expectations but all of you were unreasonable to in not reading the room.

MzHz · 04/03/2024 12:22

ISpyNoPlumPie · 02/03/2024 19:52

No no no no. Wrong lesson. Don’t make the mistake of letting them use you again. In their position I would have brought snacks, I would NEVER ask for chocolate, and I would have been very grateful. Get better friends!

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damned right ^ this

EmeraldA129 · 04/03/2024 13:11

Not a meal, but odd not to have snacks

MyUsernameIsCake · 04/03/2024 13:40

PuppyMonkey · 02/03/2024 16:39

Reply that you thought it was strange that they didn’t BRING any food.

This!

Newestname002 · 04/03/2024 13:58

@CosyDogs

My initial reaction to them telling me that were suprised that I didn't feed them more was to think "you ungrateful pair are never setting foot in my house again",

I think this is the right reaction from you, frankly. He asked you if he could come to your home to use your subscription to watch something you have no interest in. You agreed (didn't actively invite him) and I think you were nice to suggest he brings a companion so he wasn't watching on his own. This is also a man who showed no interest in feeding you on the one instance he invited you to his home (a visit which was cancelled anyway).

You provided a comfortable (supposed clean, warm) place to watch the fight, on your TV, and provided a bottle of wine to add to the one they brought together. Why was it beyond their wit to bring food with them to eat together or offer to share with you if you wanted? Did they think you'd play mum and feed them?

I bet if the visitors were two women they'd have brought their own food or at least checked if you'd like them to bring something.

You've nothing to be ashamed or cringy about. 🌹

KreedKafer · 04/03/2024 14:34

I don't think it's weird not to have offered food, but I do think it's weird (of both you and your friend) not to discuss this beforehand. For me and any of my friends, the conversation would have gone:

"Do you want to come over and watch the fight at my house? I'm not into boxing but more than happy for you to watch it. Come over about 7ish."
"Oh, that would be great. I'll bring wine. What do you want to do about food?"

and there would then have followed a conversation about ordering pizzas or something, or who was going to provide crisps/snacks.*