AIBU to have not offered any food with the wine?

[CosyDogs]

One of my friends wanted to watch a fight on TV but had no subscription to the channel that it was on. I do have a subscription but have no interest in watching fights, however I said that he and his friend could come to my house at 7pm to watch it and we can drink wine together. They bought a bottle of wine and I also provided a bottle.

While the match was on, I was in the room, but was reading as I don't like to see people fight. I wasn't completely engrossed in the book and we did chat and drink the wine. When the fight was over, we played cards, talked and opened another bottle. During the evening, my friend asked if I had any chocolate and I went to the kitchen and got a medium bar of chocolate and gave it to them. I had a small amount of chocolate as I don't usually eat late in the evening and they had the rest. They didn't ask for any more food and it didn't occur to offer anything else. They left around 11pm.

The next day, when we were talking, they mentioned that it was strange that I didn't offer them any food. I would have happily fed them, but I had already had dinner and assumed they had too and I don't usually eat that late. It simply didn't occur to me to start eating. WIBU to not offer more food? I am worried that I'm missing some obvious social standard that everyone else adheres to and I've been being a poor host.

No good deed goes unpunished @CosyDogs

the LEAST these bloody men could have done was order in, or bring their own bloody snacks! You’re doing them a massive favour and they’re treating you like a waitress

They wanted to watch something on TV that she had no interest in and she very generously said you can watch it at mine.

That’s very different from a social event / drinks and nibbles.

This - I agree with others that they should have brought some snacks, or even got themselves (and offered you) a takeaway.

They were enjoying your TV subscription and the comfort of your home - it would have been courteous for them to have provided something for you as a thank you.

After all, you were prevented from watching what YOU would have liked to see - you were effectively sitting in your own home but not having the freedom of choice that should give you.

Edit for spelling (you might know)

yep this.

seriously ppl saying you should have provided snacks etc-they invited themselves over to use @CosyDogs subscription!!!

They should have brought wine to drink as well as snacks or offered a takeaway!! CF's!! And maybe a bottle for you as a thank you, it is them owing you not you owing them!!

Well you were hardly hosting an evening soirée a la Margo from the Good life were you ?! You offered the chance for them to park their bums on your sofa and watch your TV. A programme you weren't even interested in.They were well out of order by not popping into the nearest Asda for at least a few
snacks in return for the privilege of using your subscription. Moaning about the lack of food indeed!Cheeky sods.

They were using you . It was solely up to them to provide their own food.

Tell them that.

Exactly this.

I can't believe they showed up with one bottle of wine between them!

But she didn’t invite them over. They basically invited themselves??

I don't think they were rude to assume, people have different norms, but I think they were BLOODY rude to bring it up afterwards, what, as a note on your hosting? Who does that?!

Mumsnet generally has a very weird idea about what "very generous" means.

It’s not like you instigated an invite to watch the match together. You were doing them a favour, they should have brought some snacks with them. If I asked a friend if I could go round there to watch something, it wouldn’t occur to me they should also be providing food.

They were there for a long time because they were using OP’s TV.

If they wanted more food they should have organised this themselves.

They're so good!

Nobody forced her to invite them over.

IMO anyone playing "host" should at least provide something to eat. I genuinely can't imagine having people in my house and not offering them something to eat in four hours.

Where does it say that?

OP says herself "I do have a subscription but have no interest in watching fights, however I said that he and his friend could come to my house at 7pm to watch it and we can drink wine together".

Sounds very much like a social invite to me!

I’d have checked they were eating before as 7pm start is early to have eaten. I’d have also had crisps and dips and/or olives and nuts in given you were all Socialising with drinks till late. But it would also have been nice for them to offer something too so I wouldn’t worry about it

I can't imagine not having at least a few crisps with wine. My ancestors would spin in their graves!

An invite to drink wine.

Of course they didn’t, she was very generous to let them come and use her TV, she could have just said ‘that’s a shame’ and watched whatever she wanted instead.

Thanks everyone.

Firstly, I have to agree, olives are amazing.

I did invite them over, I wouldn't say they invited themselves, but it was clear that I was inviting them because they wanted to watch something that they wouldn't have been able to see without my subscription or getting their own subscription. It didn't feel like a movie night where we all watch a film and eat pizza together. One of them text me in the morning asking if I had access to the fight, I said yes and he could come over to watch it, but he might benefit from bringing a friend as I didn't want to watch it with him. Beyond that, I put no thought into it, as it wasn't really a normal social gathering. I was just doing him a favour.

It was by chance that I had chocolate in the cupboard when they asked for some. I was actually suprised that they asked, as I would never go to someone else's house and request food. If I was really hungry, I might ask for some toast or something, but never a bar of chocolate. I never turn up to someone else's house hungry unless I'm specifically invited for dinner. They must have known I wasn't inviting them for dinner because they arrived in time for the match to start, so there wouldn't have been time to sit down and have dinner together first. I suppose we could have had pizza, but that's quite an assumption when food hadn't been mentioned and everything was only arranged that day.

I was quite sad the next day when instead of gratitude, my hosting skills were critiqued.

I take the point that 4 hours is a long time to go without food. I think it didn't occur to me because by that time in the evening, I'm half asleep and not wanting food. And also because it was all quite last minute, so I was just getting on with my day and not thinking of shopping for snacks or planning a social event.

I think they were rude, but on the plus side, this occasion is etched in my mind, so I won't make the mistake of forgetting to offer food again!

They could have brought some crisps and snacks with them if they wanted nibbles, it's a bit cheeky to expect you to provide them! Is he a close friend? If I was at a good friend's house and was hungry, I'd ask if I can make a sandwich or some toast maybe? But only at a close friend's house!

I agree with this, although I like my friends and like to be a good host so I would've provided some food (I hate cooking so probably would order a take out!)

No no no no. Wrong lesson. Don’t make the mistake of letting them use you again. In their position I would have brought snacks, I would NEVER ask for chocolate, and I would have been very grateful. Get better friends!